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For wanting to take a picture of my son and his friends for the end of term

(54 Posts)
rabbit12345 Thu 29-Jun-17 06:41:21

I dropped my year 6 son off on his residential trip yesterday and while we waited to be gathered together for instructions, I pulled together a couple of his friends together to take a photo.

One of the school staff then asked me not to take a photo as I was not allowed to take pictures of other people's children. I know the other mums well and One of the other mums were there and the said it was fine but the staff member still said "please don't". Other parents were also told not to.

AIBU for wanting a picture of my boys and his friends?

gamerwidow Thu 29-Jun-17 06:49:53

No but there may have been children in the class who can't have their picture taken for child protection reasons. They can't let some people be photographed and some not in case they out them.

LindyHemming Thu 29-Jun-17 06:51:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippey Thu 29-Jun-17 06:55:00

If the other parents have said it's fine just over rule her. She doesn't have any authority to stop you.

rabbit12345 Thu 29-Jun-17 06:56:40

I understand the child protection issues which is why the children were standing against a sign rather than having other children in the background.

There just seems to be no consensus on photo taking. We had sports day two weeks ago and everyone had cameras and video cameras.

somewhereovertherain Thu 29-Jun-17 06:58:41

It's the usual political correctness bollocks

picknmiss Thu 29-Jun-17 07:09:22

Bit of a tangent but are the children not allowed to take cameras either on these type of trips? I have some great photos of messing around with my friends on our year 6 residential but that was back in the 90s!

My DS is only 3 so not into any of this just yet, seems a shame not to have any pics of him with his friends though.

Pickerel Thu 29-Jun-17 07:12:53

It may seem silly to you, but if the teacher asked you politely I think you should just accept that is school policy.

DramaInPyjamas Thu 29-Jun-17 07:15:17

We have this rule as and when it suits the head teacher, like a previous poster said - use of cameras is allowed at sports day, summer fairs etc.. no photos during school shows, prizegivings etc, but freely allowed straight afterwards with no child ever being removed for protection.

ptumbi Thu 29-Jun-17 07:15:59

It is a child protection issue - if those pictures (of other children) get online, it could endanger some.

HOWEVER - there is no law about it. It is just a recommendation, and a request. No-one can stop you, just request that you don't.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 29-Jun-17 07:19:31

DramainPyjamas it sounds like your head prohibited photography during performances. Given that it's distracting I don't think that's unreasonable.

Pengggwn Thu 29-Jun-17 07:19:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anotherdayanotherusername Thu 29-Jun-17 07:21:25

My Facebook has been full of pics of groups of Year 6 kids off on their trip. Done it myself! Think the school are being OTT. We're allowed to take pics of school events such as sports day or plays but not share on social media. Wouldn't occur to me thst a specific group of friends waiting for a coach came into that category.

DramaInPyjamas Thu 29-Jun-17 07:25:02

I'm not particularly bothered about taking photos at school, but if there's going to ban on photography during a performance, then outright ban it - and don't allow every member of the parent council in the reserved front row to snap away with their massive paparazzi-style cameras..

(but parent council problems are a totally different issue for another thread!) grin

Onthehighseas Thu 29-Jun-17 07:27:58

Its not just 'political correctness bollocks' though is it? DD and I left a violent relationship in fear of our lives. We werent able to move far away and it was a constant worry that XH might come across a photo of DD which could identify where we were.

TheFirstMrsDV Thu 29-Jun-17 07:28:27

I have a DS
My ex boss published a photo of him in the local paper and online without my permission. It was against my explicit instructions
I found out when I opened the paper.

The weekend after it was published DC's birth mother turned up at 2am banging on my door demanding I give her son back.
DC is 14 and she has not seen him since he was two. He is legally adopted.
We had to call the police and seek legal advice.
DS was witness to it all.

My DS has ASD. I will leave it to your imagination what the fallout from that one photo has been.

Goodgriefisitginfizzoclock Thu 29-Jun-17 07:30:00

There may well be children who have CP issues surrounding them, some parents who are denied access for very good reasons go to amazing lengths to find out where there children are and therefore where the other parent is, think DV. Not massive for you but could be for them, please don't do it if asked not too.

UnbornMortificado Thu 29-Jun-17 07:37:54

I can't have DD2's photo took in her school uniform come September as her bio-dad could be at risk of trying to snatch her.

There is much more serious reasons then mine (like MrsD's example) for kids not being photographed.

I get it's nice to have school photos of our DC's but not when it's putting other children at risk of god knows what.

Ceto Thu 29-Jun-17 07:47:01

It's the usual political correctness bollocks

-- says someone who plainly has no understanding of what political correctness is.

GrumpyOldBag Thu 29-Jun-17 07:52:03


You are in danger of being seen as "that parent" who thinks you always know better than the school staff. Why not just let them do their jobs?

You want your children to understand that at school they have to follow rules - even if they don't agree with them. Well so do you. Set an example.

VintagePerfumista Thu 29-Jun-17 07:55:06

Thank goodness MrsDV and others who actually know what they are talking about have posted.

To counteract the political correctness bollocks, bollocks.

iamUberA Thu 29-Jun-17 07:59:52

I can't have dd online or in papers as her birth father would find her.
There's lots of different reasons, not just the school being difficult.

whatsleep Thu 29-Jun-17 08:10:26

Part of the problem is people's ability to post on social media. It's not generally taking photos that's the problem but once people pop them on Facebook, they are 'liked' by friends and complete strangers to you can then view them. The school will have their own photo permission policy, so for you to take photos of kids during a time when the school are responsible for them, could leave them wide open as you could, unintentionally, break the agreement they have with the children's parents.

Decaffstilltastesweird Thu 29-Jun-17 08:11:07

Yabu for the child protection reasons pps have mentioned and also what grumpy said.

I'm sure you'll get over not having the photo you wanted. If your dc is really friendly with these other children then I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to take a picture of them outside of school if you really want. If he's not that friendly with them, then why would you even want a photo of them?

WomblingThree Thu 29-Jun-17 08:15:05

Which I quite understand @iamUberA (and sympathise with) but why not ban all picture taking. It's the inconsistency that would bug me.

OP has already said they allowed it at sports day. Im not minimising your issues, I'm not seeing the difference.

@TheFirstMrsDV how on earth did someone find out your address from a photo in the paper??

Winnsy Thu 29-Jun-17 08:15:42

Oh FFS, it's nothing to do with political correctness. What a ridiculous thing to say.

My school is close to a refuge and I have taught plenty of children over the years who have fled the most horrendous abuse.

Our parents are not allowed to use their phones at all on the school site when they drop off and pick up their children as it makes it difficult to monitor photos being taken.

On some special occasions, we allow parents to take individual photos of their own child against a non-identifiable background (e.g. in their nativity costume against part of the nativity set) but parents are never able to take photos with other children in, even in the background.
We also have a school photographer who will take photos of events like sports day. He then checks these photos off against our photo permission slips that every parent signs, takes out any photos with our vulnerable children, and puts them on the website for parents to see/access.

We have a duty to protect our children. It's the idiots that shout 'political correctness' that think it's fine to take a photo of a group of children in the school show.
They are the same idiots who then think it's fine to put that photo on Facebook to show off how 'adorable' their child is.
And they are also the same idiots who are responsible when that photo gets shared by family in other counties and thus spotted by a friend of the abuser who alerts them to where their children are.

So no, nothing to do with being PC and everything to do with protecting the children we teach.

KarmaNoMore Thu 29-Jun-17 08:16:00

Were the parents of all children in the photo there to approvevthe photo? It may sound silly but it maybe that there was a single child in the vecinity that cannot have their photo taken for whatever reasons and the school was trying to protect their anonymity. Or it maybe that the school doesn't have the time to go and check on photo permissions when they are trying to stay in schedule before they leave.

Incidentally, DS has been to a few residentials and some trips and, although parents are there to say good bye, I have never seen one taking photos.

RB68 Thu 29-Jun-17 08:19:59

I dont think she was unreasonable given it clearly wasn't for publication in newspapers although may have gone on fb BUT with other parents permission and out of the way of other children. It has become a blanket NO because of repeat offenders disregarding some of the risks involved and doing what the hell they please - if they kept to photo of kids no publication without explicit permission from all children shown etc. We re fast approaching even photos of your own kids not being allowed on social media given they are not old enough to give permission themselves etc

TheFirstMrsDV Thu 29-Jun-17 08:25:14

wombling she already knew our address.
The photograph enraged her and reminded her that she had a son
she saw it as an insult. How DARE we take credit for DS's achievements. How DARE we pretend we were his parents and not her.

If DS was going to have a talent (he is incredibly talented) SHE must take credit because he is HERS and if he is going to be famous she should be the one benefiting hmm

Because of his disabilities it would be very easy for her to work out what school he is at with a few clues (given) and of course now she knows exactly what he looks like.

WomblingThree Thu 29-Jun-17 08:29:32

@TheFirstMrsDV ahh ok. I wasn't being obtuse, I was just wondering if the paper had given out details or something!!

Can someone answer my other question about why it's ok to take photos at certain events but not others?

rabbit12345 Thu 29-Jun-17 08:35:28

There is a wider issue here. Completely understand the CP issues involved but I wonder if enough is being done to protect those children in general.

We were in a public place yesterday and although the school clearly protected themselves legally, there were other schools there with parents freely taking pictures. And like another PP said, the children were in uniform. Same goes for school trips. Removing ties and jumpers would resolve this.

Also a blanket ban should be just that with no exceptions.

StripeyCurtains Thu 29-Jun-17 08:40:02

Same applies at our school, and they refused to allow us to take pics of them for their yr6 leavers book on the basis that apparently the school "doesn't know what we are going to do with them".

However, the school itself posts loads of pictures on its twitter account and you can just copy them into your drive. So this makes a total mockery of CP issues.

thereallochnessmonster Thu 29-Jun-17 08:43:56

School sounds like it's being inconsistent if it allows you to take pics at sports days. But your dc isd in Year 6 - didn't you know about this before?

Our school says that if you take pics of other dc, keep them for your own use and don't share them on social media. Fair enough. Might be worth asking to clarify what your school's social media/photography policy is.

viques Thu 29-Jun-17 08:47:53

I think if you trust school staff sufficiently to care for your son during a residential you should have the grace to acknowledge that if they ask you not to do something then they have good reason to do so and therefore should not come whining on to a message board .

Anatidae Thu 29-Jun-17 08:56:07

I'm pretty sure there's a kid in my sons class who cannot have pics taken for a good reason. Obviously not my business to pry but I respect that. She's a lovely kid - I wouldnt want to inadvertently cause her any harm.

Think you need to stick by the rules on this one.

TheFirstMrsDV Thu 29-Jun-17 09:08:55

I know you weren't wombling; Sorry if I sounded brusque smile

Squtternutbosch Thu 29-Jun-17 09:10:33

If the other parents have said it's fine just over rule her. She doesn't have any authority to stop you.

I hate this attitude. So entitled, and so unbelievably arrogant. The OP says ONE of the other mums was there and said it was fine- that other mum can't speak for all the children.

You have no idea what might be behind the rule but it's obviously in place for a reason. Respect it, ffs, and realise the world doesn't revolve around you.

WomblingThree Thu 29-Jun-17 09:11:03

No you didn't MrsDV I was just worried I sounded like I didn't believe you 😁

notanevilstepmother Thu 29-Jun-17 09:12:51

The pictures used on the school twitter account will have been checked to ensure that they are not children at risk.

There have been children killed by their fathers when they have found out where the mothers have fled.

Adopted children are also at risk.

It is not political correctness. It is safeguarding. Some people need to grow up and realise that not every child has had a happy life, and stop being selfish and putting placements and children at risk.

notanevilstepmother Thu 29-Jun-17 09:14:27

When I say placements I mean children in foster care. There have been cases of children having to be moved to another foster carer due to being found. These kids have had enough disruption.

Decaffstilltastesweird Thu 29-Jun-17 09:14:51

A blanket ban does make sense, but maybe the children they know should not have their photos taken don't attend sports day as it's expected there will be photos taken there? But then that seems a bit silly too. I'm totally guessing. Or maybe there is something more identifying about where the op was taking the photo?

Either way, I'd always err on the side of NOT taking photos of other people's children at school. I don't see the appeal tbh anyway and think it's better to be on the cautious side. You have no idea who might not like you taking a photo and why that might be. Cameras are bloody everywhere these days. It gets kind of intrusive for some people and is a genuine CP issue for others.

PlayingSardines Thu 29-Jun-17 09:14:56

It's the usual political correctness bollocks

Consider consulting a dictionary. hmm

Wanda354 Thu 29-Jun-17 09:20:16

No one can stop you sending your child to school with a peanut butter sandwich either, but would you really want to, knowing that your doing so could endanger another child if there was a nut allergy?

If they've asked you not to take a photo, you could respect that and take the photo off school grounds instead, maybe when you pic your child up after the trip.

notanevilstepmother Thu 29-Jun-17 09:27:16

As for the suggestion that a parent over rule a teacher in front of the children, ffs, is it any wonder children go to school thinking they don't have to do as they are asked or follow basic rules.

thereallochnessmonster Thu 29-Jun-17 09:48:36

Zippey - the other parents have said it's fine just over rule her. She doesn't have any authority to stop you.

What a completely crap and entitled attitude. Why not read the thread and see why the teacher might have said what she did??

Pengggwn Thu 29-Jun-17 09:57:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ptumbi Thu 29-Jun-17 18:08:10

However, the school itself posts loads of pictures on its twitter account and you can just copy them into your drive. So this makes a total mockery of CP issues. - the school will be very well aware of which children are NOT to have pictures published! When your child starts at the school, you should have filled in a form stating whether you allow pictures to be taken and potentially published, or not. If not, they won't.

TheFirstMrsDV Thu 29-Jun-17 18:34:05

ptumbi is correct.
My DS's school has a lively twitter account and put lots of sporting photos up. DS is in the teams but doesn't appear. They are well aware of the children who can't be shown.

If its any comfort I would LOVE for it to be ok for my DS to have his photo taken. It causes huge issues for us. He hates being left out. I hate him being left out. I get the raised eyebrows when I tick the NO box on permission slips. I either put up with being thought a precious idiot or I share DS's personal story to justify myself.
So I am the precious idiot because its not fair on him to tell the world his private business.

PunnetSquare Thu 29-Jun-17 18:36:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1955 Thu 29-Jun-17 19:15:19

Teacher trying to get everyone organised for a residential haven't got time to police which parent is photographing which child, check which children must not be photographed and whether they are in shot and everything else.

Pengggwn Thu 29-Jun-17 19:36:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FourEyesGood Thu 29-Jun-17 19:42:52

Of course you should just ignore the teacher! After all, you are both
a) different and
b) special.

MissionItsPossible Thu 29-Jun-17 20:08:40

Social media to blame I'm afraid. When I grew up in the 90s it was fine but it seems it is no longer the case, not that I can blame them due to people obsessed with sharing photos on Facebook and Twitter. All it takes is one photo, one comment, a load of retweets or likes and the child (and it could be yours) could go viral.

UnbornMortificado Fri 30-Jun-17 10:33:53

MrsD sorry you've come across that at DS's school. I've a feeling I may have it to come.

If kids can't be photographed it's no ones business apart from the parents and to some extent the schools. I can't imagine being that desperate for a photo you would put other DC at risk.

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