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AIBU?

Is there anyway to make kids come to my DS party ?

149 replies

Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:01

What do you do when your 9 yo DS wants a party and he doesn't have any real friends ?

Last couple of years he didn't want one and in the past we had a shared party with a popular child. Which went fairly well.

He does play computers with one child on occasion after school but spends most dinner times on his own as that child plays football with his other friends at school.

I send my child to school with a drawing pad and pencils so he has something to do.

I tried clubs and football classes but he hates everything that is not sitting on his PC at home.

I am wondering about asking the cubs to his party. He doesn't know any of their names but they include him. They are very good at including everyone.

Or is there a way of distracting him...I would be heartbroken to organise a party to which noone turns up to and that is why I don't want to invite the people from his class as they are mean to him in front of me. They wouldn't show.

Any advice ?

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SorrelSoup · 28/06/2017 22:05

What a sad thread. I really feel for you. You've got two options I think, either invite the cubs or do something other than a party. Can you sell him some kind of experience day?? Have a night away somewhere??

SusanDelfino · 28/06/2017 22:06

Maybe speak to the Cub leader and make a Cub birthday party out of it. I think that could work quite well. Flowers

BarbarianMum · 28/06/2017 22:06

My friend's son has ASD and has problems maintaining friendships. She invited the nice kids he was "friendly" with at school and cubs (not the kids who were mean to him but not necessarily actual friends) and had a really exciting party (go-karting). They all came - which was expensive because she'd invited nearly 20 hoping to get half a dozen.

StarHeartDiamond · 28/06/2017 22:06

Ask him who he wants to his party. Are you sure he wants an actual big party? He might mean something smaller than that.

How about bowling? Our local alley does parties at the weekend mornings which lead into lunch (as part of party). That only requires 2 but equally could be done with 4 and it's perfectly reasonable, you don't need volumes of kids at bowling party. Ditto cinema party with their choice of hotdogs etc or with pizza afterwards. Despicable me 3 is coming out.

DancesWithOtters · 28/06/2017 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper · 28/06/2017 22:10

Have you got a laser quest type place near you? 9 yr olds seem to love that - so an invite to the Cubs and other nice friends should get you some happy guests and hopefully make your son happy.

Or as. SorrelSoup says do something else like a weekend away/Harry Potter World/ theatre/ etc...

RippleEffects · 28/06/2017 22:10

How long have you got to party time? If you've got three/ four weeks could you have a focused invite one child a week over after school and have a small party of those new friends whilst that invite is still fresh in their minds.

Would the class teacher be able to indicate a few children that your child interacts more positively than others?

AuditAngel · 28/06/2017 22:10

My DS does not have many friends, those he has are mainly girls. He doesn't have a bosom buddy, which makes me sad. Last year we took him and some friends dry slope skiing. Two who had accepted (boys) didn't't come, but all the girls did.

Do you have friends with children a similar age who might come? The Cubs sound like a good plan

Crumbs1 · 28/06/2017 22:14

I think I'd focus on why he hasn't been able to make friends. Perhaps a family birthday treat and ditch the games console to encourage other more interactive pursuits.

Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:16

He just wants a birthday party of his own and we have never had one just for him because of the no friends thing. Sad

He has had shared parties with his siblings when he was very young and with this popular child once.

I have been dreading this scenario and hoped he would be too old for parties now but he really wants one.

I do think the cubs is the best way to go. But I am so use to kids being mean, will they show ?

I am trying to push Minions 3 with the family instead as it will be more fun and no worries.

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Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:20

His class teacher a couple of years ago when I asked for help with the friendship thing. Told me he had loads of friends and named one child as a good friend. O suggested a play date and my son cried and said not (name).

He is such a lovely child. Very rule bound but hugs me all the time. Great artist when I can get him off the computer.

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StillDrivingMeBonkers · 28/06/2017 22:23

Have you got an independent gaming shop near you? Ours does parties.

Does he actually want party though? If he's not into 'play dates' etc ...

manicinsomniac · 28/06/2017 22:27

Have a really popular party for that age group.

Children are fickle and will be keen or not keen to go to an activity party based on the activity, not on the birthday child.

JsOtherHalf · 28/06/2017 22:28

Laserquest would be a popular choice for that age group here.
Or, DS recently attended a party which was car racing simulators linked to each other.

Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:29

I will look up the independent games shop...that sounds interesting.

I think birthdays are big at school and that is why he wants one.

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Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:31

The shared party with the popular child was laser quest.

But we cannot afford to pay for a laser quest party for everyone on his class. Though if I knew that would make them come and be nice, I would borrow the money.

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toastandbutterandjam · 28/06/2017 22:34

Your son sounds very similar to my sister, but she is in secondary school. She has no friends. She is being assessed for ASD though. People often speak to her to steal her belongings, make her buy them lunch, use money etc and she calls them her "friends".

This year, she said "I want a birthday party, but nobody will come. I really want a birthday party". She spent nights crying because she wanted a party, but has no friends. She spends all her school time alone. Sits and has her lunch alone whilst other kids sit and laugh at her.

Eventually, she decided she wanted to go somewhere, just me and her.

I'm sorry I have no advice, but I hope your son has a lovely birthday, whatever you choose to doFlowers

Crispmonster1 · 28/06/2017 22:34

Just out of curiosity does he know he doesn't have friends? My child has learning difficulties and has social problems and does not have friends however the school use the term "friends" for the others in the class which I think confuses matters for her. Could this apply to your son?

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/06/2017 22:36

Aww, Cubs sounds great !

Ginxed · 28/06/2017 22:36

Near us is a mobile gaming company, they come and park outside your house with a big lorry and have consoles etc inside for a party - mega cool! Or a nerf party, that would attract quite a few 9 year olds.

thereallochnessmonster · 28/06/2017 22:37

Don't borrow cash for a party! We had 10 kids to ds's last quest party recently - that's plenty.

Also get him off the games console and interacting better with people in real life. Start small and ask one new friend round each week for a play date.

Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:38

He is normal. He was assessed for asd a few years back (as my brother has asd and I mistakenly thought they were the same)

But luckily he is fine so I just need to sort out the friend thing on my own. I have read loads of books and two of his siblings have loads of friends but I don't know how to help him and it kills me (cry)

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thereallochnessmonster · 28/06/2017 22:38

Toast - your post was so sad, made me cry. Why are some kids such little shits?

Tearsonmypillow · 28/06/2017 22:41

He is highly intelligent (though the school think he is on the slow side of normal) He talks to me about cold fusion, chemical compounds and the universe in general.

He has no street sense. Had trouble on the roads and over panics and gets upset over really small things. My friend had to pull him onto the pavement twice in so many weeks.

It is annoying that he is so smart but rubbish near roads.

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niknac1 · 28/06/2017 22:43

Sometimes Cubs do activities like indoor skiing, kayaking, camps, hikes. I'd speak to leader and ask if you could sponsor an event, whatever you can afford to, these have cost us about £5 a head and ask if you could take a birthday cake, everyone can sing happy birthday and have lots of fun. Or a BBQ for them at a play area, thinking of sausages in a roll and a slice of cake maybe. Cubs are s happy bunch and love fun I'm sure they'd like to make your son's birthday fun.

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