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AIBU?

To be annoyed about somebody "being worried" about my weight loss?

91 replies

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 16:57

Over the past 9 months? I really don't keep track of it in that way! I've lost 4st. I never looked obese although I was (I was hourglass with some chub) and now I'm what you would call athletic and toned. I put a lot of effort into it and we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not! I'm a size 8/6 / xs so I do look smaller than I actually weight but you can also see I'm muscular. Anyways.. this mum who I'm friendly with just told me today "I'm disappearing right in front her eyes" and she was "worried about me". She's naturally skinny so I don't think she's jealous. But I don't know I felt she crossed the line ?? AIBU?

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AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 28/06/2017 16:58

we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not!

That isn't even remotely underweight. What are you even talking about?

Luckyme2 · 28/06/2017 16:59

Why are you annoyed that she's worried?

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 16:59

Whoever is "worried" about weight loss is just jealous. Unless you really look ill, have grey skin and are clearly unwell, but in this case people don't tell you they are worried, they ask if you are ok.

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:00

GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me. That was 8lbs ago and she told me not to try to lose anymore weight (which I have, even though I have increased my calorie intake)

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Decaffstilltastesweird · 28/06/2017 17:02

I think the op meant

"Overweight, I definitely am not"

Yanbu. You sound fine. Unless there's something major you've missed out of your op that is.

I have a general rule not to comment on people's weight or appearance other than "love the new hair cut", "nice top" or "you look lovely". "You've lost weight" nope! "You've gained weight" nope! "Are you expecting a baby?" Never!

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:03

Yeah that's what I meant. Thanks decaff!

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CountryCaterpillar · 28/06/2017 17:03

it's not always jealousy. I'm larger but I have an eating disorder and wasn't always. Because I know what it's like Imight worry if someone close to me lost 4 stone and became v into exercise. It's all relative though but I'd notice if a close friend started to find exercise and diet all consuiming.

Doesn't at all mean you are!! Just countering the "jealousy", sometimes people are concerned! Or if they're joking about you shrinking away it's just social chit chat. like people goo at babies and stroke dogs and talk to pregnant people...

CountryCaterpillar · 28/06/2017 17:04

I try it to comment on appearance in a social way too!

Hmm so the go has said not to lose weight and you still are then yes I would be concerned.

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:05

There is was definitely "concern" on her tone. And we're not friendly enough that she would know how much I diet or not. Every morning I'm in my running gear but that's about it!

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Blondielongie · 28/06/2017 17:08

People can't handle change. And even though she is thin, its still a jealously thing. Maybe she likes being the thin one.

Congrats on your weight loss! You've done really well and should be proud. You look great and are healthier!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 28/06/2017 17:12

Last time I lost a lot of weight, one friend in particular did the whole "don't lose too much weight" spiel over and over again. I was still over 10 stone and at 5"4 and was right at the top of a healthy BMI. Apparently I was "looking gaunt" and "shouldn't lose any more".

She was 6ft and weighed 9 stone Grin

I think she somehow thought her position as "the slim friend" was threatened, as I had clearly been placed in "the fat friend" slot in the group Wink

She also spent a lot of time offering me cake, that woman did not want me thin Grin

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:12

@countrycaterpillar it hasn't been because I actively want to. I tend to have at least 3 cheat meals per week, drink once a week and have a pretty normal diet other wise (on Monday I had pizza and salad with wine for example, yesterday I had tuna steaks and cake, today I had chicken, wine and ice cream) so nope, I'm not starving myself.

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Blondielongie · 28/06/2017 17:13

Sorry Xpost OP. If its not jealousy - catapiller has a good point - not sure what to advise. I know that if you are athletic and muscly, you are unlikely to be massively undereating as your body needs a certain amount of calories and protein to build/maintain muscle. Could you explain this to her? That's if she keeps bringing it up.

GlowWine · 28/06/2017 17:16

I lost 2 stone during the summer once ( to a healthy BMI of 22 or so) and people who didn't see me in the interim were genuinely concerned and gently enquired if it was illness related (I'd lost two dress sizes). Could that be it?

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:19

I doubt she ever will again. It was just passing by.. I did tell he I was fine, I run half marathons and have become a competitive runner my body matches my sport. (Endurance runners tend to be very lean). I think I might need to see a proper sports nutritionist but I haven't been able to find one who doesn't go nuts on food prepping

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revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:22

@glowwine maybe, but she sees me every day, so double it. I did lose 5-4 dress sizes but that is expected with 4st.

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waitforitfdear · 28/06/2017 17:26

Oh ignore her she's probably jealous

user1498665532 · 28/06/2017 17:29

GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me. That was 8lbs ago and she told me not to try to lose anymore weight (which I have, even though I have increased my calorie intake)


But that works the other way as we train we build muscle which is heavier then fat so our BMI are higher then the average, What is your bodies fat% and Muscle% you should get these taken asap. You might need to still add more calories what is your TDEE and Calorie in levels.

Theoscargoesto · 28/06/2017 17:30

As the mother of someone with an eating disorder, I'm overly alert to that possibility, I admit. But concern of that nature from someone, who you call a friend, plus a significant weight loss (and you say yourself you weren't obese, but a loss of 4 stone would affect your BMI significantly) coupled with you saying that your GP told you not to lose more weight, but you have done so, would make me concerned that you have an eating disorder. IMHO This is compounded by the comments in your OP and subsequently about food/calories and exercise. I'm with caterpillar.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 28/06/2017 17:30

GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me

Unless you are an olympic level athlete I call boo hockey.

TalkinPeece · 28/06/2017 17:36

When I lost weight rapidly one of my friends asked if I was OK.
not jealous as she is an Elle McPherson clone
her worry was that I was not eating because I was stressed eg marriage breakup.
When I reassured her that the loss was deliberate and DH and I were fine she gave me a hug.

But I am glad that I have friends who care enough to check on sudden weight loss (or gain) Smile

My BMI change was from 22 to 20 BTW Grin

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:38

I was obese, I just never looked obese at size 14! But I was heavy! My body fat is 22-23% muscle mass is almost 34%. Calorie expenditure is hard to calculate fitbit used to say a daily average of 2300, my Garmin is more conservative and it's closer to 2000-2100 (this is averaging rest days too). I know those things overestimate it, so my daily average is around 2000 (including cheat days).

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user1498665532 · 28/06/2017 17:46

Ah your fine so I am at 16% fat and 45% muscle, if your BF was lower then 10% then their might need to worry, Your muscle % is not high though average female is at around 36% muscle so with your fat% and muscle% the BMI reading will be accurate for you so just don't go below 18BMI

TalkinPeece · 28/06/2017 17:57

Gosh,
according to the machine from my gym, my fat percentage is around 27% , my BMI is around 22.5
but then I am over 50 ....

revolution909 · 28/06/2017 17:57

Wow user, are you a competitive body builder? I know that only certain type of athletes go that low ! That and that the average muscle mass is more like 30% so you're way above average!!

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