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To be annoyed about somebody "being worried" about my weight loss?

(92 Posts)
revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 16:57:07

Over the past 9 months? I really don't keep track of it in that way! I've lost 4st. I never looked obese although I was (I was hourglass with some chub) and now I'm what you would call athletic and toned. I put a lot of effort into it and we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not! I'm a size 8/6 / xs so I do look smaller than I actually weight but you can also see I'm muscular. Anyways.. this mum who I'm friendly with just told me today "I'm disappearing right in front her eyes" and she was "worried about me". She's naturally skinny so I don't think she's jealous. But I don't know I felt she crossed the line ?? AIBU?

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou Wed 28-Jun-17 16:58:11

we'll although completely irrelevant my BMI is of around 22/23 so technically underweight in definitely not!

That isn't even remotely underweight. What are you even talking about?

Luckyme2 Wed 28-Jun-17 16:59:44

Why are you annoyed that she's worried?

Coddiwomple Wed 28-Jun-17 16:59:46

Whoever is "worried" about weight loss is just jealous. Unless you really look ill, have grey skin and are clearly unwell, but in this case people don't tell you they are worried, they ask if you are ok.

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:00:20

GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me. That was 8lbs ago and she told me not to try to lose anymore weight (which I have, even though I have increased my calorie intake)

Decaffstilltastesweird Wed 28-Jun-17 17:02:07

I think the op meant

"Overweight, I definitely am not"

Yanbu. You sound fine. Unless there's something major you've missed out of your op that is.

I have a general rule not to comment on people's weight or appearance other than "love the new hair cut", "nice top" or "you look lovely". "You've lost weight" nope! "You've gained weight" nope! "Are you expecting a baby?" Never!

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:03:07

Yeah that's what I meant. Thanks decaff!

CountryCaterpillar Wed 28-Jun-17 17:03:33

it's not always jealousy. I'm larger but I have an eating disorder and wasn't always. Because I know what it's like Imight worry if someone close to me lost 4 stone and became v into exercise. It's all relative though but I'd notice if a close friend started to find exercise and diet all consuiming.

Doesn't at all mean you are!! Just countering the "jealousy", sometimes people are concerned! Or if they're joking about you shrinking away it's just social chit chat. like people goo at babies and stroke dogs and talk to pregnant people...

CountryCaterpillar Wed 28-Jun-17 17:04:41

I try it to comment on appearance in a social way too!

Hmm so the go has said not to lose weight and you still are then yes I would be concerned.

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:05:52

There is was definitely "concern" on her tone. And we're not friendly enough that she would know how much I diet or not. Every morning I'm in my running gear but that's about it!

Blondielongie Wed 28-Jun-17 17:08:02

People can't handle change. And even though she is thin, its still a jealously thing. Maybe she likes being the thin one.

Congrats on your weight loss! You've done really well and should be proud. You look great and are healthier!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Wed 28-Jun-17 17:12:42

Last time I lost a lot of weight, one friend in particular did the whole "don't lose too much weight" spiel over and over again. I was still over 10 stone and at 5"4 and was right at the top of a healthy BMI. Apparently I was "looking gaunt" and "shouldn't lose any more".

She was 6ft and weighed 9 stone grin

I think she somehow thought her position as "the slim friend" was threatened, as I had clearly been placed in "the fat friend" slot in the group wink

She also spent a lot of time offering me cake, that woman did not want me thin grin

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:12:59

@countrycaterpillar it hasn't been because I actively want to. I tend to have at least 3 cheat meals per week, drink once a week and have a pretty normal diet other wise (on Monday I had pizza and salad with wine for example, yesterday I had tuna steaks and cake, today I had chicken, wine and ice cream) so nope, I'm not starving myself.

Blondielongie Wed 28-Jun-17 17:13:38

Sorry Xpost OP. If its not jealousy - catapiller has a good point - not sure what to advise. I know that if you are athletic and muscly, you are unlikely to be massively undereating as your body needs a certain amount of calories and protein to build/maintain muscle. Could you explain this to her? That's if she keeps bringing it up.

GlowWine Wed 28-Jun-17 17:16:16

I lost 2 stone during the summer once ( to a healthy BMI of 22 or so) and people who didn't see me in the interim were genuinely concerned and gently enquired if it was illness related (I'd lost two dress sizes). Could that be it?

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:19:46

I doubt she ever will again. It was just passing by.. I did tell he I was fine, I run half marathons and have become a competitive runner my body matches my sport. (Endurance runners tend to be very lean). I think I might need to see a proper sports nutritionist but I haven't been able to find one who doesn't go nuts on food prepping

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:22:57

@glowwine maybe, but she sees me every day, so double it. I did lose 5-4 dress sizes but that is expected with 4st.

waitforitfdear Wed 28-Jun-17 17:26:58

Oh ignore her she's probably jealous

user1498665532 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:29:37

>GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me. That was 8lbs ago and she told me not to try to lose anymore weight (which I have, even though I have increased my calorie intake)

But that works the other way as we train we build muscle which is heavier then fat so our BMI are higher then the average, What is your bodies fat% and Muscle% you should get these taken asap. You might need to still add more calories what is your TDEE and Calorie in levels.

Theoscargoesto Wed 28-Jun-17 17:30:39

As the mother of someone with an eating disorder, I'm overly alert to that possibility, I admit. But concern of that nature from someone, who you call a friend, plus a significant weight loss (and you say yourself you weren't obese, but a loss of 4 stone would affect your BMI significantly) coupled with you saying that your GP told you not to lose more weight, but you have done so, would make me concerned that you have an eating disorder. IMHO This is compounded by the comments in your OP and subsequently about food/calories and exercise. I'm with caterpillar.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou Wed 28-Jun-17 17:30:49

GP told me that given how much I train BMI measurements don't apply to me

Unless you are an olympic level athlete I call boo hockey.

TalkinPeece Wed 28-Jun-17 17:36:55

When I lost weight rapidly one of my friends asked if I was OK.
not jealous as she is an Elle McPherson clone
her worry was that I was not eating because I was stressed eg marriage breakup.
When I reassured her that the loss was deliberate and DH and I were fine she gave me a hug.

But I am glad that I have friends who care enough to check on sudden weight loss (or gain) smile

My BMI change was from 22 to 20 BTW grin

revolution909 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:38:37

I was obese, I just never looked obese at size 14! But I was heavy! My body fat is 22-23% muscle mass is almost 34%. Calorie expenditure is hard to calculate fitbit used to say a daily average of 2300, my Garmin is more conservative and it's closer to 2000-2100 (this is averaging rest days too). I know those things overestimate it, so my daily average is around 2000 (including cheat days).

user1498665532 Wed 28-Jun-17 17:46:21

Ah your fine so I am at 16% fat and 45% muscle, if your BF was lower then 10% then their might need to worry, Your muscle % is not high though average female is at around 36% muscle so with your fat% and muscle% the BMI reading will be accurate for you so just don't go below 18BMI

TalkinPeece Wed 28-Jun-17 17:57:18

according to the machine from my gym, my fat percentage is around 27% , my BMI is around 22.5
but then I am over 50 ....

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