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To think I can't punish myself

(201 Posts)
fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:05:02

Forever? Basically me and h were friends before a couple. In that time he saw me behave quite badly. I was young, stupid. I drank excessively took drugs and was very sexually promiscuous. I admit I was a slut.
10 years later though I'm still being punished for it. He's used me being a slut as a reason to be unfaithful. Which I accepted.
But now he's basically saying I should be ashamed and disgusted in myself forever. I should be making every effort to 'prove' I am not that person. Prove being no social life, no social media, no male friends. Nothing.
I'm not proud of my behaviour and I definitely don't think it was okay but I can't change my past. He married me 😔

dustmotesinthesun Wed 28-Jun-17 14:06:36

This is your partner saying this? The person who is supposed to love and chrish and protect you? Do you think that's kind behaviour op?

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:09

Yep supposedly
Apparently the effect my previous behaviour had on him is the most important thing

Notknownatthisaddress Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:22

LTB angry

He is being abusive to you. End of.

MyheartbelongstoG Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:36

Does he call you a slut?

pinkyredrose Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:40

I can't see what you've done wrong. You had sex while you were single that doesn't make you a slut! ! He however cheated on you.

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:47

He says I should be attempting every day for the rest of my life to prove I am not a slut any more and to make it up to him

Creampastry Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:48

You can't change your past but you can certainly change your future. Step 1: leave the bastard.

araiwa Wed 28-Jun-17 14:07:48

Fuck him off

glenthebattleostrich Wed 28-Jun-17 14:08:11

Divorce him.

Your past is just that. As long as you weren't part of a couple when you were enjoying yourself then he can shut the fuck up (happy to bring my PMT and come tell him that for you.)

And you weren't a slut, you were a single woman enjoying herself.

He is a pathetic abusive bully.

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:08:15

Yes he's called me a slut. A whore. A slag. Disgusting. Disgraceful.

pinkyredrose Wed 28-Jun-17 14:09:30

Plus he's zone controlling bastard. Please do yourself a favour and confine him to the history pile.

KatnissNeverdone Wed 28-Jun-17 14:09:33

He's a dick and is using your past behaviour (when you weren't even together if I'm reading right) as an excuse to control you and to cheat.

Seriously you don't deserve this and you can honestly do much better.

FidgetSpinner Wed 28-Jun-17 14:09:38

Jesus, LTB angry

shouldnthavesaid Wed 28-Jun-17 14:09:39

He sounds a charmer hmm, you were single and you had sex - that's no bad thing at all.

He's abusing you, you need to leave your marriage . Is there anyone who would support you in rl? flowers

Quartz2208 Wed 28-Jun-17 14:10:12

your behaviour prior to getting together is nothing to do with him and there was nothing wrong with it and certainly does nt mean he can be unfaithful Why are you with him

FlaviaAlbia Wed 28-Jun-17 14:10:49

He's abusing you. No matter what you did or when he would have found something to use to justify him treating you like this. He's isolating you on purpose so you won't have anyone who can help you.

Would you consider moving this to relationships? And contacting women's aid when he's not there to talk it though? 0808 2000 247

mctat Wed 28-Jun-17 14:10:59

In answer to your question, no you can't - and why on earth should you? He sounds like he has serious issues, and there is absolutely no positive outcome for you from someone who would even think something like this about anyone, let alone say it to the person he claims to love.

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:11:10

If it weren't for our DC I'd be on a train right now

Honeybee79 Wed 28-Jun-17 14:11:33

He sounds like a shit.

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:11:48

The thing is I am cringey about my
Behaviour back then. I did behave like a slag. Always under the influence. But I don't know what the fuck he expects me to do

fuckmyfuckinglife Wed 28-Jun-17 14:13:24

I do have support it's just not easy to up and leave right now. I need to find a house and some cash for a removal van. Tbh I'm just wondering whether I am being unreasonable and I SHOULD allow the controlling behaviour to appease him even though I know deep down he's wrong

mctat Wed 28-Jun-17 14:13:25

He knows that and is using it against you.

DJBaggySmalls Wed 28-Jun-17 14:13:41

Do you see his behaviour as abusive and controlling? Do you want to leave?

Racmactac Wed 28-Jun-17 14:13:45

So fucking what if you shagged half of the uk. It's not illegal, you are entitled to behave however you want to.

It's in the past which is where he should be. Ltb

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