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To expect potty training support from preschool

(67 Posts)
Areyoufree Wed 28-Jun-17 08:39:16

Genuine question.

My son is 3.5 and up until recently, has refused to even consider the idea of using a potty or the loo. Last week he said he wanted to wear pants and so we put in him loose shorts over the weekend, and he did pretty well. Even was dry at night! He's pretty good at knowing when he needs a wee, but seems to struggle with knowing when he needs a poo. Overall though, it has been a success.

Back at preschool, where he is 5 days a week, and he has had a few accidents. Both days now, when we have gone to pick him up, they have put him back in a nappy. I can understand them not wanting to be cleaning up all the time, but I am not sure how else he is to learn. Is it unreasonable to expect them to support him with learning to use the loo, or should he be completely accident-free before we send him without a nappy?

JustMumNowNotMe Wed 28-Jun-17 08:41:40

With mine I've always taken a week off work to get it established, then bsck to nursery with the hang of it. They don't hsve time to pester them every 20 mins ro2sed if they need the loo.

JustMumNowNotMe Wed 28-Jun-17 08:42:12

To see! Not sure what that word is?! 😂

waitforitfdear Wed 28-Jun-17 08:43:14

As a cm I used to work with parents completely over potty training as long as their expectations were sensible so not starting too young and child seems ready.

Your ds is certainly old enough st 3.5. And seems on board so yes agree they should be working with your.

Call a meeting

AgathaCrispie Wed 28-Jun-17 08:43:50

Surely this is what pull-ups are for?

waitforitfdear Wed 28-Jun-17 08:44:25

That's s good idea just

MrsJayy Wed 28-Jun-17 08:46:23

I think you should put him in pull ups for nursery a few accidents could mean 3 or 10 that is quite alot to expect from a preschool imo i would wait till he was well established before sending him in with pants again. Tell preschool that you are potty training him but he has pull ups on,

MrsJayy Wed 28-Jun-17 08:48:44

Back in the day when mine were in preschool rule was they had to be toilet trained unless they had acmedical problem obviously or preschool wouldn't take them.

claritytobeclear Wed 28-Jun-17 08:54:45

You could try washable training pants. They are like material triple layer pant with a waterproof layer in the middle. They look more like normal pants than a pull up and your child will definitely feel wet if they have an accident. However they will prevent clothes getting dirty as long as they are changed when needed.

Areyoufree Wed 28-Jun-17 09:01:46

I say preschool - but it is a nursery really. They cover from 6 months until 5. He had two accidents each day before they put a nappy on him. They also don't recommend pull-ups, as they say it confuses them.
Clarity had forgotten about washable pull ups - used those with my daughter. Shall buy a few. Good idea!

Areyoufree Wed 28-Jun-17 09:02:16

Confuses the children, that is, not the staff!

MrsJayy Wed 28-Jun-17 09:05:45

God what do they expect parents to do then if they don't agree about pull ups if it is a childcare nursery they should be supporti ng you 2 accidents a day is alot tbf it is tricky the washable ones sounds like the way to go then

Flumpernickel Wed 28-Jun-17 09:05:49

I think it depends on the type of accident, is it as he is dashing for the loo and not quite making it? Or is he just kind of having repeated accidents and not noticing or triggering any kind of request for help from the teachers? If it is the latter, then he may not be far enough along the process for the preschool to manage the situation just yet. I think you need to have a word with them and find out whats going wrong and request that they only pop him in pull ups if he is having a paticularly bad day/out of dry clothes.

It is frustrating op, potty training is such a minefield, he will get there though. wink

Flumpernickel Wed 28-Jun-17 09:06:36

Sorry just seen that the nursery dont allow pullups! How ridiculous! confused

Areyoufree Wed 28-Jun-17 09:24:33

Flumpernickel (love your name!) He has been accident-free at home, but I think he gets distracted at nursery. He has also been dry 3 out of 4 nights, so I definitely think he is physically ready! He's been so vehement about not using the potty up until now, that I think it would be a shame to put him back in nappies. I had the same issue with my daughter though - she was fully trained at home for a year before she went nappy free at her childminders. And she was only there a couple of days a week!

HeadDreamer Wed 28-Jun-17 09:32:00

If it's a nursery they should be supportive of it. Both of mine were in 5 days a week. How many changes is yours doing still? It is unreasonable to expect them to ask the child to go to the toilet every 20min. Or following him around to catch him hopping for the loo. However equally a few accidents a day they should be able to handle.

I packed two changes of clothes for my DC when they were potty training. However, they weren't going to nursery in pants until I'm happy to take them out in pants. You can train them only in the weekend and at home. I told them when they went out it's nappy time and only pants at home and they accepted it. I didn't find this on/off approach confusing my child. But they were both trained very quickly, around 2-3 days.

HeadDreamer Wed 28-Jun-17 09:33:17

Oh just read your update re he's dried at home. Then the nursery is BU. DD2 is trained during Christmas. Now 6 months later, she has no accidents at home, but can still come home with 2 sets of wet pants/trousers. Like you say they get distracted very easily at nursery.

Flumpernickel Wed 28-Jun-17 09:35:28

Bless him! Sounds like he is defo getting there then! I think you need to have a chat with them and see what can be done to help, my sons playgroup were excellent with him, were fine with pull ups, and he only went back in nappies if all else failed. Whilst I do see that it must be difficult for preschools to manage a large group of leaky little ones, they also have a responsibility to try and support you and your Son during this process otherwise what else are you supposed to do? Other PPs recommended taking a week or two off, if thats possible, then it would help, but only when you have explored all of the options with his preschool teachers. Ask for their help and the benefit of their experience to see what they recommend you do wink

The pull ups thing is really daft though. I dont think it is their job to make that decision on behalf of the parents, surely putting a normal nappy back on is equally confusing to him? confused

Mia1415 Wed 28-Jun-17 09:36:39

My sons nursery / pre school were really great and supportive when toilet training and DS was a slow learner at it! It has to be a partnership. Speak to the manager

MrsJayy Wed 28-Jun-17 09:39:10

I would have thought a nappy was just as confusing as a pull up.

NotTooWorried Wed 28-Jun-17 09:39:32

Of course they should be supporting you. My pre school just say to bring spare clothes and they'll get on with it.

n0rtherrn Wed 28-Jun-17 09:41:32

Is it a school nursery, or a private/paid for childcare type nursery?

A school nursery I can understand not taking them in underwear until well established and very rarely having accidents. They are more 'teaching' focused and need to concentrate on that, though should be ok with the very occasional accident.

A private nursery that you pay for, should be more supportive and be involved in potty training.

waitforitfdear Wed 28-Jun-17 09:41:44

Where can you buy washable training pants? Not seen these and they sound a great idea for my grandson

waitforitfdear Wed 28-Jun-17 09:46:06

Where can you buy washable training pants? Not seen these and they sound a great idea for my grandson

justgivemeamo Wed 28-Jun-17 09:47:25

In all honesty I dont think it makes that much difference, its very much psychological and emotional as well as being physically ready.

If he is having a few accidents but is nearly there its not a big deal.
My DD was the same, although I left it slightly later than you but before 4. When she asked for nappies I put her in them no question, gently tried pants too, then it started to be more pants than nappies, all the while she was getting better at loo, few accidents at nursery, being gentle, no fuss at all when she wet herself or wanted nappies, she was literally done within a month and before 4th bday.

Mil had her a few times and had taken it upon herself to train her because she said 4 was too late. Sadly she set our DD back because she was making too much of an issue out of it - and forcing her into pants.

We had to stop mil visits and get back on track the gentle way adn we were soon there.

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