Bit of background so as not to dripfeed. I met my DH 5 years ago, have been very happily married now for 2 years. I still live in the small town where I grew up.
A year before I met my DH, I went on three or four dates with a guy I've grown up with (I was 20 at the time). We did everything together as kids and were very close as teenagers. We started dating, never slept together but did kiss. Turns out we wanted different things and it ended on very good terms. We don't purposefully see each other any more but do bump into each other on occasion, and still chat a bit on social media due to shared interests. None of this is hidden from DH and he is aware of the 'history'.
This friend has invited me out in a few weeks time - will be him and a couple of other mutual friends, who DH knows and is close to. I've not seen him in so long and it will be great to catch up, and I've asked DH if he would like to come as I think he and my friend would really hit it off as they have loads in common.
DH really does not seem keen on me going, let alone coming with me. He would never ask me not to go, but I can just tell that he's not happy that I'll be with someone that I used to date (albeit briefly). For what it's worth neither DH and I are jealous types and we both have friends of the opposite sex who we see alone and together, it's never been an issue. It just seems to be this one guy that DH has a problem with.
If it means that much to my DH then I won't go - his feelings are important to me. But is DH's attitude towards this situation being fair to me? He brought it up a couple of days ago that he doesn't understand why I would want to see someone I was so involved with, and it turns out he had mistaken "We dated a few times" for "we were on and off for a while", as if we had dated for months at a time then broke up and got back together etc. But he's still seeming off about it.
I know I don't see this guy regularly but he's very important to me and helped me through a lot of rough patches throughout my life by being such a good friend. As I said, I won't see him if DH really doesn't want me to but I feel like now I have to choose whether or not to continue the friendship (even if it is just chatting online every so often) based on DHs feelings and I don't really see why I should have to cut him out entirely.
Not sure it's relevant because DH should trust me regardless, but the guy in question is also in a very happy long term relationship.
Urgh sorry this is long and rambly. AIBU by wanting to see him?
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AIBU?
Am I being an arse or is DH?
40 replies
Purplemac · 27/06/2017 20:56
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