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To wear a stunning figure hugging dress to a close friends wedding

(856 Posts)
user1498221998 Tue 27-Jun-17 17:59:51

My friend and I were both 16 stone this time 2 years ago. We both went on a diet and two years ,later I am now 10 stone and a size 10. She is still 16 stone and a size 18.

It's her wedding next Saturday and I showed my intended outfit to my Mum who said that while it looked beautiful I should wear something plainer and less figure hugging as almost everyone there hasn't seen me for over a year, doesn't know about my weight loss and I will attract too much attention away from the bride with my huge weight loss.

Do you think my Mum is right?

My friend will look beautiful anyway, so I don't see why I should have to deliberately look plain for her wedding!

My mum says it's 'rubbing it in' because she desperately wanted to be slim for her wedding. But that is not my fault.

OP’s posts: |
IDoDaChaCha Thu 29-Jun-17 16:09:54

I agree about not upstaging the bride. It's her special day.

TheDowagerCuntess Thu 29-Jun-17 16:17:29

Incidentally, who wears maroon to a summer wedding? confused

This is seriously scraping the barrel.

Any colour, except white and arguably black, is fine for a wedding, whatever the season.

user1487175389 Thu 29-Jun-17 16:21:10

Don't be daft, you could never upstage her because she's the bride! I hate this idea that women are all in some permanent beauty pageant to be weighed, measured and judged wherever they go - even on the happiest day of their lives.

kaytee87 Thu 29-Jun-17 16:26:41

If you are that close to the bride it would be normal to show them your outfit prior to the wedding anyway.

Would it? Genuinely, I'm not being goady. I had no idea what anyone outside of the wedding party was wearing. Someone actually wore a full length white dress to mine 😂 she looked like a tit.

Grandma2002 Thu 29-Jun-17 16:47:39

I am with your Mum here. There are still lovely dresses you can wear and look glamorous in without the "figure hugging". Elegance is always a good look.

GladGran Thu 29-Jun-17 21:02:08

How can you be 10 stone and size 10? I am 8 stone 10 and size 12! Do you have fat legs?

HeyRoly Thu 29-Jun-17 21:08:49

Totally depends on height doesn't it, Gladgran? If you're ten stone and tall you're going to be considerably slimmer than a woman who is ten stone and 5' 2".

PuffinProdr Thu 29-Jun-17 21:17:30

yah height is a biggie, I'm 13st and a 16 whereas the OP's 16st friend is an 18, only 1 size up 3st later? She must be tall.

WanderingTrolley1 Thu 29-Jun-17 22:19:53

At my slimmest, when I was a regular gym bunny, I was a size 8 and almost 10 stone.

Fatrascals Thu 29-Jun-17 23:13:42

I think that this thread has divided opinion because there are two opposing points-of-view running in parallel.

No shit Sherlock

The view that women should consider the message that they portray through the clothing they wear, and the opposite view that women should not be judged on clothing. For all the "let the bride have her day don't be a bitch" comments there are the ones trying to get the judgmental posters to look at the bigger issue behind their initial brainwashed thoughts. Society sets women up to be controlled and to fail and other women join in with this. I am not happy to be part of the illusion and my DCs won't be brainwashed.

Yes. Interesting load of bollocks. Or alternatively I am happy that my dc will respect their friends and treat people with consideration. And not stick their own feelings and vanity in front of someone else's on a day that is f all to do with them.

Loopytiles Fri 30-Jun-17 00:04:30

"Do you have fat legs?"


Would fat legs make OP's dress choice more or less U?!

ImaLannister Fri 30-Jun-17 00:44:41

I'm 5'7, 10 stone, and I'm size 8-10. Fit in a size 6 sometimes depending on brand. And I don't have fats legs. I'm super skinny.

VestalVirgin Fri 30-Jun-17 00:50:32

Yes, OPs friend will probably be sad she didn't manage to lose weight while OP did, but unless OP wears a fatsuit, the weight loss will be noticeable, anyway.

If being prettier than the bride is such a horrible sin, then some women wouldn't be allowed to attend any weddings at all.

Which is clearly nonsense.

As long as the dress is appropriate from a wedding, it won't draw attention away from the bride.

It's not about being pretty. If I wore a potato sack and a bucket on my head to a wedding, I'm pretty sure most people would be too busy to gossip about my horrible attire to pay attention to the bride.

A beautiful woman in a figure hugging dress isn't that uncommon a sight on a wedding, so will pose no distraction.

BadLad Fri 30-Jun-17 01:28:40

This thread is one of the reasons I find mumsnet so interesting. I'm flabberghasted that this kind of thing is a consideration. I had absolutely no idea that quite a few women would ever have to worry about this kind of thing. It joins baby showers on the list of things I'm so glad I don't have to give a toss about.

1forAll74 Fri 30-Jun-17 02:09:22

I think that you should definitely wear your elegant dress to your friends wedding.All this talk about upstaging is rubbish. Your friend knows that you have lost weight,and she is most probably pleased for you.
I hope that you won't go out and buy another dress instead, you have bought this one and like it a lot. Enjoy the day !

nigelsbigface Fri 30-Jun-17 07:09:25

Lord is this still on? Have we seen the actual dress yet please?confused

smallandbrave Fri 30-Jun-17 07:26:12

I can't believe I have just spent 2 days on and off reading this bloody thread! and we are all discussing a dress that doesn't appear anywhere with the most inconsiderate and unengaged OP ever confused.

Oblomov17 Fri 30-Jun-17 07:35:08

Does OP just want to be centre of attention? Because that's what is coming across. For her weight to be noticed and weight loss recognised. Over and above everything else.

Is it so important to you, that this happens, at this particular event? Wouldn't people notice, the actual weight loss, with a less obvious dress?

Do you want to be talked about?:

"God, do you remember that women in the aubergine dress at xxx's wedding. "

"Christ yes, how could we ever forget" wink

But even entirely self-centred people are supposed to know the rule of 'not upstaging the bride'.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Fri 30-Jun-17 10:22:34

"As long as the dress is appropriate from a wedding, it won't draw attention away from the bride."

I agree with this, @VestalVirgin - but I am not sure the dress the OP has described is suitable for a wedding - it sounds more suitable for an evening out. She could wear any one of a huge number of gorgeous dresses that would be more suitable for a wedding - similar style and length, but maybe in a modern, floral fabric - I did link to some suggestions a couple of days ago.

MistressDeeCee Fri 30-Jun-17 19:47:09

What Im getting from much of this thread is

Its ok for women to massively bitch about a woman's looks/size/clothes but, not for men to do so.

Thinking you look stunning as a woman is unacceptable

The mention of lots of weight loss evokes envy on a mass scale

Confidence in appearance = not quite the done thing

Women are too caught up in policing of other women's fashion and style. & the dreaded "what other people think" mindset thats instilled as a blight in the consciousness of way too many girls & women.

Thank God for posters in between that dont subscribe to misandry & its associated bullshit

&shock re the passive aggressiveness to Merchant..what kind of person are you..You seem defensive..over invested. etc

& a comment way up thread re OP 'you could look like an old pig in a dress'hmm

OP isnt going to upstage the bride. People will notice her weight loss but its not going to be the focus of the day. OP doesnt have to be humble re her achievement nor does she have to hide it. Im glad when a woman feels she looks good. Why not?

I wouldnt listen to my DM re anything I wear - shes bitchy about other women. Weight losd in her DDs, other fenale family = out come the snide out-down comments. Cant even watch tv without 'she's too skinny, dress looks shit on her, shes got a big stomach, oohh too old for that dress'. I like when Carol Vordermann is on screen it sends her into meltdown. We dont know that OP's DM is right, at all.

Id be surprised if this thread doesnt make the Daily Mail. Puts me in mind of a long ago post/study - 2 doors 1 marked Beautiful one marked Average. Women were asked 'which one would you walk thru'. Vast majority said average. Those that said 'Beautiful' were dissed as shallow and vain. I guess that post was designed to put women firmly back in their place. Its not the done thing for a woman to feel beautiful, confident..yes even stunning

Id wear what I want to the wedding..fuck it..therell be women of all shapes snd sizes there, wearing what they feel good in. Despite the bride not achieving same weight loss she's the one having the big day, wedding dress, attention and Ive not gauged anywhere on thread that she will be unhappy as OP is now slim. Bigger women aren't all handwringing over slimmer friends, Im sure. Could be that shes wrapped up in having a great time on her special day. Good.

Toomuchwine22 Fri 30-Jun-17 21:22:47

Not meaning to be rude OP, but no-one will really care what you like! All eyes on the bride who will look stunning no matter what her weight! It's her special day, she will be glowing! Even if a few people notice your weight loss, it's unlikely to b something they will care about! Memories will be about the bride, the groom, and the day! (and the drunken aunty, best man dancing on the tables .. etc...!!!)


LanaDReye Fri 30-Jun-17 23:18:51

Not meaning to be rude op, what do you mean to do then toomuchwine ?

MistressDC much of this thread makes me feel sad too. What is it with all the women hatred towards other women?

don't lose weight dear we'll bash you for being able to make a change, unless you hide it .

questionsandquestions Fri 30-Jun-17 23:26:59

I think you already know you are being a bitch. Look at the title you made for the thread, and then how you try and downplay it. If she is your friend really, then just let her have her day.

EccentricPickle Fri 30-Jun-17 23:32:10

A friend of mine lost weight because he was going to the wedding of an old friend and lots of people he knew were going to be there. There were people there that he hadn't seen in a while and he wanted to look his best.

I wonder if anyone accused him of trying to upstage the bride? I'll have to ask him 🙄.

VulvalHeadMistress Sat 01-Jul-17 05:33:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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