MIL buying first things for baby?(141 Posts)
I am 20 weeks pregnant and not sure if it's the hormones kicking in, or if I have a right to be a little annoyed. This might be a bit long, sorry.
Haven't had time to buy much yet for baby due to work, but hope to soon, but MIL has been buying HEAPS of stuff and texts my DH daily with what she has bought that day.
So far she has bought a Christmas top (baby due Nov) baby gros, dummy, can't remember all the rest there's been that much. She is also planning to buy our pram for us.
Don't get me wrong, I am grateful, but I feel that she is taking away the excitement we should be having buying these things for our baby?
If I go to buy things now, I feel like "oh, I can't as MIL already has got us one of those." I feel like I have to ask her for a list of what she has got us, so that I don't buy the same thing twice.
Have spoke to DH to get her to calm it down a bit, and he says she is just excited. To which I tried to explain how I wanted to be the ones to buy the first dummy, first nappies etc. He just looked at me like
I know I don't have to put our baby in the Christmas outfit she has bought, but I know she will make a comment about why I haven't put baby in her top.
AIBU to be upset about this, or is it my hormones?! I just want myself and DH to have a nice time buying our baby things instead of worrying that we will have two of the same things. I want to be excited but she has taken that away.
You and your dp can still go and buy things for your baby. If you have a problem with firsts then just put your outfits on first followed by hers etc etc.
Feel privileged you've someone who cares so much as years down the line when they aren't little baby's anymore people's interest in your child lessens and then you will want someone to spoil them like when they were a baby. In terms of the pram just tell her straight you and dp want to pick it together
You can tell her to calm down a little but you are being a little big precious
Could she "helpfully" keep the things she gets at hers? You know, to be helpful like, for when you visit?
I think that a bit of it is hormones. She's excited. You can buy whatever you like for your baby-you don't have to use what she's bought.
Isn't it traditional for grandparents to buy the pram? My parents bought mine. Could you compromise and let her buy the pram and nothing else so she feels like she has contributed?
Maybe suggest you go shopping with her? Choose some stuff together and guide her away from the things you want to choose with dp.
She's excited, the buying never stops. And that feeling of wanting to get it all yourself is also totally normal. Get used to it and enjoy it! You are lucky to have someone who cares enough to do this. Just make your tastes clear so things don't get wasted.
If she wants to get you a big thing, ask her for a jumperoo. Lifesaver if you want to go to the toilet or make a cup of tea for a minute 😂
Hmmm I'm on the fence here. It's lovely that she's so excited, but I get that you're looking forward to buying things too!
My mum did this and I loved it. I would talk to her about what I had bought etc and what I thought I still needed. I'd show her what we had bought so we never doubled up! She isn't taking your excitement away, she is just being excited. You will need lots of nappies so her buying some really isn't stepping on your toes.
Re the Christmas top-you may have room for 3 or 4 depending on how many clothes your baby goes through a day.
You will still enjoy buying things together and likely will appreciate the money she is saving you. Pregnancy hormones may be clouding your judgement a little - I know they did mine!
Let her buy the things but buy yours as well and make memories. Let the baby wear yours followed by hers. Look at orams pick the one you want and accept the generous offer. They cost a fortune and grandparents like to help
These are helpful suggestions, thank you. I think she could maybe keep some of the things at hers, I might suggest that.
I didn't realise it was a traditional thing re. Buying the pram.
Maybe my hormones are going a little
Crazy, thanks for being straight with me!
To put it into perspective, my MIL has never bought DS a thing (made worse by asking if she could have an outfit he'd just been gifted to give to her friend's new grandson ).
Babies are expensive and it's great that she's helping out. You'll be the DP and can ultimately decide what baby wears first
or at all. YABU.
I don't see how it has any impact on you or your excitement tbh. You can buy whatever you want whoever you want, she isn't stopping you. You are being very ungrateful, I would have been over the moon as it would have kept costs down
I think you need to tell DH that MIL is spoiling your first baby together experience and you feel sidelined -
Ask him to tell her that she must ask first and not just assume that you want or need X items -
It's pushy and rude and I'd op this in the bus straight away
Let her be excited and shop and when she tells you what she's bought or presents it to you, just be honest (ish) if you don't want it...oh thank you, but i've already bought dummies and i'd prefer to keep to the same kind so we'd not use these ones. Oh it would be lovely for you to buy the pram, thank you! I'll let you know as soon as we've picked one!
Can you not sit down and talk to her and tell her you want to buy some things yourself for your baby and are really appreciative and grateful for what she's bought so far. But also it's not fair on her to spend so much money on your baby, baby stuff is so expensive.
You can put it nicely.
If she persists then you don't have to use anything she buys if you don't want, return/swap/eBay stuff if it's really not what you'd want for your baby.
Try not to let it upset you, if you want your baby to be in nappies you've bought buy a pack & use those for the first time, your baby will get through loads of nappies.
As for dummy, your baby might not even take a dummy, mine hates it and spits it out or makes gagging faces when I try to give her a dummy!
For the pram ensure you mil knows which one you want in fact go out to the shops and try it out and pick it out and either buy it yourself and she can gift you the money for it after.
Don't let your mil's enthusiasm spoil your pregnancy. It really sounds lovely that she's doc mad excited. Make the big purchases your decision tho and let her contribute if she likes and try not to sweat the small stuff.
Also with clothes your baby might throw up a lot and the Xmas outfit might need several changes due to baby being sick on them. So you can pick out a Xmas outfit for your baby and so can your mil and yourbaby can wear all of them!
Congratulations on your pregnancy
If you were talking about big things I would say yanbu but it's dodies and nappies so you are being unreasonable think. Once she gets the pram you choose and doesn't buy big things without asking first I would just let her off. Baby will use lots of nappies and lots if dodies
And just so you know, the baby's first Dodie (or first anything for that matter), is the first one they use, not the first one bought, so you'll get to choose whatever one it is anyway
Alot of the stuff you'll probably need plenty of anyway.
Maybe just let her know that they're certain things you'll like to buy yourself.
Also big things like prams she can't buy without your approval.
And you can use her Xmas outfit for Christmas eve. And you can buy one for Christmas day.
I understand how you feel. My mil also did this. Coupled with her repeatedly telling me not to buy anything at all because everyone else was going to be buying things. It really grated for a long time and eventually I just told her I want to be able to choose things I like for my baby to wear. Am pregnant again now and she has started again already telling me she is going to start buying things this week and that I mustn't buy anything. There's only so many ways I can ask her not to without being rude!! Her taste is so different to ours she bought so much that never even got used last time, I don't think we have the space this time 🙈
I'd be a bit annoyed too. It takes away the magic for you.
It shouldn't stop you buying things and prioritising your stuff over hers...
You'll get people telling you to be grateful, at least she cares etc. I get it, the "help" can be over bearing sometimes. My MIL is like this. Drives me potty. DD1 is now of an age where she likes to choose her own clothes, MIL tends towards the impractical, DD won't wear them. MIL has calmed down with the buying since she realised that. She's still over bearing.
I would feel the same as you OP. Although I am also currently 20 weeks with my first so may not be reliable on the hormone thing
We had this! She needs direction! She also needs to know if your not keen on it but in a good way. You also need to say things like "baby will be well equipped when it comes to you with all the things your buying for YOUR house". Trust me they learn fast!
My mil bought some horrendous items of clothing. I went shopping with her. She'd pick something and I'd say I'm not keen I much prefer this and show her something else.
She now tells me she's never sure what to get the children so she asks or gives me receipts. She's also got a much better idea of what we like!
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