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Wedding invite/ begging poem.

(295 Posts)
Rriot Mon 26-Jun-17 10:08:15

We have been invited to a wedding. Evening invite only.

The invitation included a tacky poem asking for cash gifts. (Guests invited to the whole day didn't get a begging letter poem hmm)

The bottom line is, we can't really afford to give cash. Generally I'd put my feelings about this type of request aside and give what was asked for but I think the very small amount we can afford to give will look mean.

My alternatives are to give a cheap but nice gift, or donate to the charity that I know is close to the family's heart. I don't want to give a wrapped present if we will be the only ones who do so, not sure how they will feel about a donation to charity.

WWYD?

BarbaraofSeville Mon 26-Jun-17 10:42:33

If you want to go, go with nothing or a bottle of fizz to your budget - you can get cava or prosecco from £5/6 up in any supermarket that is perfectly lovely. Don't bother with photo frames, glasses etc, most people don't want or need them.

If you don't want to go, just don't go. No need for any angst or drama.

kaitlinktm Mon 26-Jun-17 10:43:34

So it will cause tension if you don't go.
It will cause tension if you give a wrapped gift.
It will cause tension if you give a smaller amount than suggested demanded.
It will cause tension if you just give a card.
I think you have to decide which will cause the least tension and go with that.
Can't you have a not genuine prior commitment?
They don't sound very comfortable friends to have.

OoohSmooch Mon 26-Jun-17 10:44:16

I so hate poems! When we got married we said a sorely NOTHING about gifts or money or anything. As it happened most gifts were money.

I've been to a wedding recently where they did the poem thing (family wedding!) and people still gave actual gifts as they were placed on the table with the card box.

I'm a wedding obsessive and I think a card and a bottle of bubbles will do nicely.

missdoings Mon 26-Jun-17 10:44:50

Don't give them a photo frame! We had twenty ish! wish I'd written dodgy poem

KoalaDownUnder Mon 26-Jun-17 10:46:04

I really loathe this idea of 'They asked for cash so that's what you should give them'. You're not Father bloody Christmas and they are not your children. You can give them whatever you damn well like.

My sister had a rather large, expensive wedding with sit-down dinner and open bar. No registry or mention of gifts. One of her closest friends gave her a fridge magnet in a card, because the friend was a skint single mother at the time. Sister loved it (and still has it on the fridge 10+ years later!)

Rriot Mon 26-Jun-17 10:46:46

It's hard to explain, I don't feel bullied or pressure by the couple to go really. I'm pretty out of their way most of the time but the rest of pur family are not.

It's easier on everyone if I just go.

I'll share the poem if I can find it. The invite wasnt sent to me so I only have a photograph of it.

Designerenvy Mon 26-Jun-17 10:48:02

I personally wouldn't go. I'd make up an excuse because firstly, they have some cheek expecting evening guests to give cash gifts ....they sound vile and secondly if I was that strapped for cash I'd stay home and keep my money for something g I might actually enjoy with people I like.
Any evenings I've gone to I've given a card and a nice frame or bottle of bubbly.
I really wouldn't go !

Designerenvy Mon 26-Jun-17 10:49:49

They didn't even have the manners to send u an individual invite????. ...c'mon now .... don't go

OoohSmooch Mon 26-Jun-17 10:49:51

*absolutely not 'a sorely' doh

Rriot Mon 26-Jun-17 10:50:10

I can't find the picture of the poem but the begging bit went something like

"if you feel you have to
Bless us with a gift
Vouchers or some cash
Would give us a lift"

Confused24 Mon 26-Jun-17 10:51:28

I ignore these every time. Money gifts just cause issues of how much is enough/too much. I find gift lists just as tacky (personal preference no offence to anyone who uses them) we refused to use any as it reads to me "hey you can come to our special day but it will cost you 😉" i always take a gift but I like to choose it myself so it's personal from me to them

SleepFreeZone Mon 26-Jun-17 10:51:50

I would just go for a wrapped gift. No one normal is going to throw their toys if someone has made the effort to come to their celebration and brought along a present.

ladyamy Mon 26-Jun-17 10:51:56

I hate all this. If you've been given a day invitation, you'll receive a meal and I assume some free wine so it would be expected you would give a present, although asking for cash is breathtakingly presumptuous and rude. If you're going to the evening do, I would say a card and an inexpensive present would suffice. Card Factory are doing 'Mr & Mrs' mugs for, I think, £5.99. A bit cheesy but harmless and things like that can be embraced at weddings.

TempusEedjit Mon 26-Jun-17 10:52:02

OP you need to watch this Ted talk:

The magic of not giving a f***

Notknownatthisaddress Mon 26-Jun-17 10:52:05

Someone indulge me coz I am obviously thick.

Why do people get het up about cash gift requests? We have been to 4 weddings in the past 3 years, and 2 of them requested cash gifts, (as they had been living together for a few years and didn't need anything,) and they both had a kind of 'gift box' like the one to the left here.

<<<

People then put an envelope in with a tenner or a hundred pounds, or fifty pounds, or two hundred pounds, or a fiver, whatever they could afford. The bride and groom were grateful for anything and nobody knew what anyone had put in. The cash was put in a blank envelope - provided on the way in if you didn't already have one - and you could just put what you wanted in.

Why do people have meltdowns when cash is requested? I don't get it.

Yeah the poems are naff, but why do people get irked by requests of cash gifts? Do the couples they know have someone sitting on the door on the way into the wedding (or reception,) with a log book, making a record of how much everyone gives at these weddings or something?

If not, then I don't get why people get irked by requests of cash gifts. Far better that, than getting a dozen toasters, (when you already have one!) Or receiving 99 towels!

YesMadamDeputySpeaker Mon 26-Jun-17 10:54:03

As an English teacher, poetry invites get you immediately knocked down unless they're really really good

In all seriousness, as many posters have already said, if I was in your situation, I wouldn't go. However, I'm not, and from what you've said it's probably not that easy.

But you need to consider first - money and gift aside - do you actually want to go?

RedSkySuperStar Mon 26-Jun-17 10:56:36

You won't be the only person to ignore the poem trust me! Just get them a wrapped gift

nina2b Mon 26-Jun-17 11:00:49

The tacky poem asking for cash is such poor form. No decent people would ask for such a thing. Ugh

cakecakecheese Mon 26-Jun-17 11:02:03

Any amount of cash should be appreciated, if they're the type of people who won't, then yeah I wouldn't even bother going.

ZanyMobster Mon 26-Jun-17 11:03:37

I can't see the issue TBH, what sort of person would be offended if you popped a tenner in a card, we would have been more than happy with that, you definitely need new friends if it's an issue.

I really can't see the fuss over cash/honeymoon voucher/gift card requests, I would much rather get someone something they want than yet another photo frame they don't need.

nina2b Mon 26-Jun-17 11:08:25

Some people just don't get it, do they? You should be grateful for your gifts even if they are duplicated. Not being grateful and expecting money instead, is simply bad manners. The poem senders know you will be too embarrassed to give less than a certain amount in double figures.

Quadrangle Mon 26-Jun-17 11:08:39

If there's two of you going, could you afford a tenner each? If not the bottle of fizz is a good idea.

Designerenvy Mon 26-Jun-17 11:10:57

Most cash gifts are not anonymous like your friends wedding. This puts people ( who cld be struggling financially) under pressure ....usually given in a signed card.
I personally don't mind cash requests for a full day invite ( it makes my life easier) but an evening invite shouldn't request cash in my opinion.

MrsMozart Mon 26-Jun-17 11:13:43

I think I would be ill that weekend...

BarbaraofSeville Mon 26-Jun-17 11:15:42

nina What purpose does a pile of unwanted photo frames serve?

I'd rather have nothing than a photo frame because I'll never use it, will shove it in a drawer for a couple of years before guiltily sending it to a charity shop, to join thousands of other unwanted photo frames, which will probably be bought by people trying to teach others a lesson for having the nerve to invite them to their wedding.

Why on earth would anyone go to the effort of going out to choose a gift that they know someone doesn't want simply to prove some sort of 'my manners are better than your manners' point?

They might genuinley not care about the money, not everyone does. And a fiver a head from dozens of guests still adds up to a significant sum.

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