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to fantasise about dying?

(10 Posts)
tiredofdancingtothesametune Mon 26-Jun-17 00:23:36

I think about death a lot, and wish that I would get killed in a car accident or die in my sleep. I don't have the guts for suicide, although I have self harmed in the past

Life is such a massive struggle, and I have been struggling with PTSD and generalised anxiety disorder for several years, tried many different treatments to no avail and medications too

I work full time but it is a ten hour a day panic attack with an hours commute there and the same home

My parents don't speak to me

my sibling don't speak to me

My adult DD has issues that , along with her, I struggle to cope with the responsibility of as I end up picking up the pieces a lot for mental health related behaviour, whilst quite literally wishing I was dead myself.

My husband (not DDs dad) and I are mismatched in so many ways and life is tedious, he doesn't want a life away from the TV, no meals out, holidays, He was different when we were courting

I don't know what I want to acheieve from this, or wondered if any0one else felt desperate like this?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater Mon 26-Jun-17 00:28:06

I didn't want to read and run. I really think you need to speak to your GP and ask for some help before you do something silly if you don't feel that you can speak to your GP then phone up the samratines that's what they are there for. Hugs OP I understand how your feeling right now.

ExplodedCloud Mon 26-Jun-17 00:29:31

What can you change? You sound frustrated and hopeless. And as if you do caring but nobody cares about you sad
I have anxiety and a ton of stuff to deal with but my basic situation is good so I cope (mostly).
What would make the most difference right now?

MommaGee Mon 26-Jun-17 00:29:48

Ditto above OP. Call your GP. In the meanwhile call Samaritans. Hugs and flowers

SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 Mon 26-Jun-17 00:30:59

Call the Samaritans 116 123, you really need to talk to someone. Why don't you phone them now.

tiredofdancingtothesametune Mon 26-Jun-17 00:32:26

thank you, I have tried both of those avenues numerous times and feel I'm getting no where and that I wil be forced to harm myself to get any help at all

just to highlight how bad the mental health team are here, last time I ws having a crisis, I rang the gp and they said we cannot see you, go to the local walk in centre, so I rang the local walk in centre who told me they don't deal with mental health issues, and then referred me to go and sit in accident and emergency quietly until my crisis passed

on the same day this happened to me, a guy walked in to accident and emergency and begged to be admitted to a MH unit and he recorded the staff teling him that he would be fine go home and sleep, and he said if you don't admit me, I wont be alive in the morning, and the recording goes , oh you wil be fine, get home - off he goes and was found dead on the train tracks the next morning, they don't have the resources to deal

makingdoo Mon 26-Jun-17 00:32:27

I feel for you. I second what previous poster said about going to your GP.
You need help.
I used to fantasize about having a car accident on my way to work. I hated how stressful it was and just didn't want to have to face it.
There's so much help out there please talk to your GP

tiredofdancingtothesametune Mon 26-Jun-17 00:36:46

What would make the most difference right now?
For my dd to have less issues and be able to sort them herself, as I feel unable to sort my own as well as prop up another adult

its not her fault and theres no one else to help her, or us

LorLorr2 Mon 26-Jun-17 00:44:45

What sort of help has your daughter had so far? X

cocodidit1 Mon 26-Jun-17 01:06:50

You sound so tired, I hope you get some peace of mind from somewhere. Can you think of anything which relaxes you and may help you through? A film you loved as a child? to do a puzzle? etc.
Anything to relieve the mind...

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