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AIBU?

To go to the police

172 replies

toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 19:19

As some of you may know I posted last week when a neighbour wouldn't take no for an answer. I've told a couple of people I class as friends (or did) what happened and have had mixed responses.

Im now less raw than I was and now im questioning myself on whether i'm over reacting or not.

I am going to post exactly what has happened and I will read all responses. If people post negatively please dont report it because i need to see all the opinions because in the RW I wont be able to just delete it.

He started messaging me on facebook as neighbours. Just general chat. He would help with my garden because it was just me and I wasnt able to do it. I always offered to pay or id by him cigarette or a few drinks. His parner obviously know about this. He would help with heavy lifting and stuff I needed help with.
I met somebody and he stopped messaging and obviously I didn't need help with stuff anymore.
Once that relationship ended he started messaging me again and said if I ever fancied a chat he was normally out the back. He told me my ex would regret it and would soon realise him mistake because I was so nice. He started messaging just general stuff like asking how i was and what i was doing.
I started a new relationship but he wasn't at mine much so he went back to helping me out with stuff.
He then started joking about coming in for wine and little inuendos. Like if you get too warm ill come help cool you down. Then he asked me not to tell his partner we were talking. At that point I said there was nothing to tell. He said she just would be pissed off because he was messaging nice ladies.
Then he started pushing the chat a bit. I would tell him to behave and he would say hes just messing about and he didn't mean anything by it.
He kept saying he liked it when I was out because it made his day if he saw me. I let him know that my boyfriend really wouldn't be impressed if he knew the way he was talking to me He just said he was offering to "help out when he wasn't about". I said no thanks and I was happy the way it was.
He persisted some more and every time i called him on it i ended up feeling like i had misread it and he was just joking.
He then started asking for a pic without my top on. I said no repeatedly.
He found out my relationship had ended. I wasn't in a good place and to be honest I was drinking more than I should have been. He ended up sending me a dick pic after i told him not to. I told him there was only 1 dick i was interested in doing anything with and I wouldnt do anything that would risk myself and xdp getting back together.
Then 1 night I flirted back and stupidly sent a picture (i dont even remember doing it but it was clear i must have because it was on my phone). I told him I shouldnt have sent it ad I didnt want to do anything. He told me he thought I was perfect and that he would wait for me my response was just lol.
He said he wouldn't force me and he was happy just being friends. I was ok with that. I asked him for some tips on driving because i was going for my first lesson and he said once he got his son to bed he would help me out. It got late so I had a few drinks. He messaged me to tell me he was out the back and asked if i fancied going out and having a drink. I said ok, it was a nice hot night and I only had the 1 bottle left. We stood outside and spoke for a while. Every now and again he asked me to flash him. I repeatedly said no. He was in his garden and I was in mine. There's a communal path separating them so i wasn't that concerned. Just as I had said I was going to head in he climbed the gate and said he would take my bottle to the bin but he said for me to wait a sec till he got back. When he got back he pulled my top out and looked down it then he kissed me. I just froze and couldnt do anything. He was close now and i was scared because I know that no doesn't work i had said it so many times and he hadnt listened. He said to go into the kitchen and I kept saying no. He said the only way ill let you get to bed is if you let me in so I can have a feel. He said it in a jokey way but I was scared so I let him in. He took my top off and groped and kissed my breasts. He put my hand down his trousers and used it to wank with.
There was a noise upstairs and I said it will be the kids needing the toilet. He left and I haven't had a message since

OP posts:
Supersoaryflappypigeon · 25/06/2017 19:25

Whoah. He's assaulted you. Poor you op. Flowers

NorthernLurker · 25/06/2017 19:32

That's really horrible op. You're not overreacting to be upset by it.

eatingonlyapples · 25/06/2017 19:32

You are not being unreasonable. He assaulted you. He intimidated you. Call the police. Bastard.

isadoradancing123 · 25/06/2017 19:34

He is a total creep and he assaulted you, but stop chatting to him and letting him help you with things, cut contact totally. You are giving mixed messages

RideOn · 25/06/2017 19:34

You are not overreacting.

toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 19:36

This is what a "friend" sent me

i dont understand what it was he actually did wrong. i really wish i didnt know any of this. i dont know if you truly understand what it will do to everyone's life. if it goes to court her kids will be dragged through all of that as well. you no that family and that wont be taken lightly. i truly dont understand exactly what he did wrong. i just wish i didnt know anything and when she asks me and * which she will what are we meant to say? i dont think you are making the right decisions but its your life and i cant tell you what to do

I asked why anybody would ask her and she sent this

she will ask everyone who had anything to do with you and she/they will hunt you down, you should already know that. your name will be mud all over facebook. you have already made your mind up this man needs punished as you feel he did something wrong. i wasnt there and didnt see what happened so it would be wrong for me to say my thoughts. but i really hope to god you realise what you are doing and how moving will impact your life with no etc in it maybe you have friends/help in . look really its none of my business. i need to distance myself from you totally now because this will blow up in my face as well and i have to live here. i dont need and her family on my case, ive seen them in action. take care of you and i hope it all works out for you

OP posts:
Gingerandgivingzerofucks · 25/06/2017 19:37

He has assaulted you and I would be reporting him to the police. STOP bloody messaging/talking to him!

Madwoman5 · 25/06/2017 19:39

This is how predators groom their victims. He will make out this is all you. You need to go nc and stop hitting the wine as he sees this as his chance. Go to the police. Do you own or rent?

toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 19:40

Im going to go to the police after I find somewhere else to live. I cant do anything while I live here. After that messages I started to question if i was over reacting. I am in my house all the time now. My curtains are closed and i am getting my kids to take the dogs out. The only time I feel like I can leave is when hes at work

OP posts:
Vicsteur81 · 25/06/2017 19:42

I'd contact the authorities if you feel up to it. That is definitely assault.

Karramaboo · 25/06/2017 19:44

OP this person is not your friend. You have been assaulted and need emotional support, is there anyone you can trust in the real world? Clearly not this person who sounds incredibly selfish and only concerned with the impact it will have on them. I feel so bad for you OP, your neighbor is a massive prick, this isn't your fault at all, please don't feel it is. As pp said though, I would cut off all contact with him though. xxx Flowers Flowers

nocoolnamesleft · 25/06/2017 19:48

I'm so sorry. He sexually assaulted you.

toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 19:48

Contact has been cut, i have a friend who is being awesome and supportive. She always has my corner no matter what

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 25/06/2017 19:55

I'm sorry but I don't think you will gain much by going to the police.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 25/06/2017 19:57

I don't think you will get the closure you need by going to the police either....Please maintain no contact with this predatory arsehole. If you want to talk about it, and discuss the pros and cons of reporting, Rape Crisis are very good.

MuncheysMummy · 25/06/2017 19:58

This reply has been deleted

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toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 20:01

I have all the messages. I learnt a harsh lesson when I was raped as a teenager. That lesson what that no doesn't mean anything

OP posts:
TitaniasCloset · 25/06/2017 20:02

I don't think you want to hear it op. But people are being kind.

Ravenesque · 25/06/2017 20:05

I'm glad you have someone who is being supportive because you need that right now.

Yep, he has groomed you, been happy to zoom in on you when you've had too much to drink, he's basically a predator and he's now sexually assaulted you. Someone who does this has almost certainly done it to someone before and will almost certainly do it again. It is not your fault.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you can cut back on the drink, not because it's your fault that you've been a bit drunk at times and he has used that to take despicable advantage of you, but because it's not going to help how you feel right now, it will numb you for a while and then you'll feel worse. Please, if you can, get the good friend to leave the house with you when he is around, it's not right that you should be a prisoner in your own home because you live next door to a sexual predator.

I hope you can find somewhere else to live very soon. Much love to you. x

Re. The police, that's entirely up to you and how you feel about doing it. It will not be easy, but it can be the right thing to do. Just go with your own feelings and don't feel that you have to or shouldn't based on anyone else's feelings but your own. x

Sawbridgeworthmum · 25/06/2017 20:06

Yes he assaulted you. But I don't think police will do much. Just block his number. And don't interact with people like that again

OlennasWimple · 25/06/2017 20:08

[Flowers] Im sorry you were sexually assaulted. And I'm sorry that your experience has been compounded by apologists in RL and on here.

I think you should report him to the police, but I know that's easier said than done

luckylucky24 · 25/06/2017 20:09

Yes he assaulted you. He took advantage of you.

I wouldn't put yourself through the police interviews though as CPS would not prosecute based on what you have said. You say you have messages but presumably he has the picture you sent. You would be putting yourself and your family through a lot of heartache for nothing.

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muckypup73 · 25/06/2017 20:10

I hope you have blocked himon Facebook? and perhapsyou need to tell his partner too,then maybe she will kick him out, and then you dont need to move?

toomuchshit · 25/06/2017 20:12

My friend lives an hour away. Im isolated and lonely here. Im waiting to hear about a house near my friend. I wont be going to the police until ive moved away. I have time to make the decision.

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 25/06/2017 20:13

Report it to the police ASAP. They won't come barging in, they'll give you support, maybe even a family liaison officer to chat to, and HELP you.
Do be prepared for everything coming out including the photo you sent him etc. that should in NO way stop you going to the police. Block him on your phone and all social media. Block your stupid friend too.
How old are your DC? Old enough for you to explain what happened to them?

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