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Who is BU - friend or the school?

(81 Posts)
Momzombie Sun 25-Jun-17 14:23:13

DD starts high school in September. They have just been told what class they will be in. One of her friend's mums has gone ballistic because she apparently supplied the school with lists of children she would like her DD to be placed with as well as children her DD has issues with and did not want to be with. School have ignored these lists - she has been placed with none of her friends but 2 children from the blacklist!

She has complained but school have said they will not change the classes, that doing the classlists is a logistical challenge and they made it clear from the outset they could not guarantee children would be with friends (true). This mum is not backing down and wants me and others to contact the school to support her case.

Thing is, I'm happy with the class my DD has been given. I'm secretly glad she's not with this girl as she can be very difficult and I think it would be good for her to make new friends.

So, what do I do???? Arghhhh

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Sun 25-Jun-17 14:25:07

So, what do I do???? Arghhhh Stay well out of it!

WorraLiberty Sun 25-Jun-17 14:25:47

Tell her to bugger off?

She sounds batshit tbh.

Classes are normally made up of an even mix of children, of varying abilities, because they're schools, not social clubs.

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 25-Jun-17 14:25:48

Tell her there's nothing you can do.

Caulkheadupnorf Sun 25-Jun-17 14:27:33

It's nothing to do with you. Stay well clear!

witchofzog Sun 25-Jun-17 14:28:12

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? This is not your battle and this woman is being massively unreasonable. In high school you are only in your tutor class for a small amount of subjects with the rest usually organised depending on ability. Additionally this is the time when a lot of new friendships are formed. 3 months in and none of this will matter.

Pengggwn Sun 25-Jun-17 14:29:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 Sun 25-Jun-17 14:30:58

I'm sure her snowflake won't melt. Avoid the fucking idiot like the plague

LouHotel Sun 25-Jun-17 14:31:59

I find it strange she hasnt been placed with at least one friend. Maybe her 'friends' have requested not to be with her if she's a difficult kid....wouldnt bring that up mind.

NapQueen Sun 25-Jun-17 14:33:22

Surely this is just for tutor group? High school kids usually mix round different topics according to ability so she will barely see these two other kids.

And your friends mum doesnt have much faith in her dds ability to make new friends if she is preplanning all this. Or at least trying to.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon Sun 25-Jun-17 14:34:37

I find the 'side nod and change subject' approach best in these situations.

Anasnake Sun 25-Jun-17 14:35:48

I suspect several other 'friends' parents have requested that their child not be with her.

SkeletonSkins Sun 25-Jun-17 14:36:20

I would suggest, if she's difficult, Primary might have had something to do with this. If she's not working well with current friends they may have suggested a fresh start at transition meetings.

yorkshapudding Sun 25-Jun-17 14:37:04

Don't get involved.

I work in a school and parents like your friend just end up making life more difficult for everyone, including their own children! Your friends DD will never develop the resilience or coping skills to deal with her own problems because if Mum just bulldozes in and bullies people into doing what they want. Don't enable that shit.

The school are absolutely right not to give this woman's child preferential treatment purely because she's entitled enough to expect it. If she asks again I would just say that you don't want to get involved, this is her complaint with the school is nothing to do with you or your DD.

MacarenaFerreiro Sun 25-Jun-17 14:38:46

Stay out iof it - your friend is batshit crazy.

RandomMess Sun 25-Jun-17 14:41:29

"I'm sure the schools had their reasons for recommendations and final decisions"

Rinse and repeat if you can't stay out of the conversation altogether!

LindyHemming Sun 25-Jun-17 14:42:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 Sun 25-Jun-17 14:42:16

do NOT get involved... this is not your dramarama x

unfortunateevents Sun 25-Jun-17 14:43:24

Well she's already marked herself out as "that" parent. This is not primary school, the high school has probably somewhere between 100-300 pupils starting in Yr 7, they haven't got time for this kind of nonsense. It's not clear if the high school asked new starters to name some people they would like to be in class with, some do some don't. If the school did, it's quite possible that the people she ended up in class with put this girl on their lists as one of their desired friends? So they may be happy!

I would absolutely keep out of this, she's not going to "win" and she's doing her daughter no favours either.

BarbarianMum Sun 25-Jun-17 14:43:51

It's not great that she's not with any friends at all to be fair. Having said which, there is nothing you can do about it but offer her mum some reassurance- her dd will cope and it will be OK.

Are there really lists of children her dd doesn't get on with? If she's had problems with a certain child it would be a bit crazy to put them together but lists?

Sirzy Sun 25-Jun-17 14:45:13

What a pain she sounds!

As others have said stay well away.

Can you imagine the chaos if every parent provided schools with "feedback" on class lists? It would never work.

Unless there have been specific issues with a certain pupil - in which case a request to split up IF POSSIBLE would be fair - then leave the school to group as they feel necessary

RhubardGin Sun 25-Jun-17 14:45:45

Why do YOU have to do anything?

I'm confused as to why this affects you to be honest.

The other mum sounds ridiculous and her DD will just have to suck it up. Good life lesson I think.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 25-Jun-17 14:53:00

I'm secretly glad she's not with this girl...

There's your answer. Lots of other children/parents feel the same.

WeAreEternal Sun 25-Jun-17 14:53:12

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

There couldn't be a more appropriate phrase.

requestingsunshine Sun 25-Jun-17 14:53:21

Not much you can do really, if keep out of it. I've never heard of providingvthe new school a blacklist, mine had to list 3 friends they'd like to be with but that's all.

But, these 2 from the backlist if they've been badly bullying this child I can see why the mum is not happy. Could that be the case?

My ds has been badly bullied by one child at school . Very physical bullying resulting in actual injury, scarring and has had a distinct emotional impact on my ds and his confidence. Recently there was a residential trip and they put this bully and his friend in the same room as my son. I only found out when they got back but I was furious. School did move my ds from the room after 2 nights because he was so distraught as the bully was relentless when in the room. It beggars belief, it really does.

I think I'd have a word with the secondary if it turns out this bully is in my sons class again this year when they move up.

However in this case, it it's just a case of this girl simply does not like these others then the mother is being weird.

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