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AIBU?

To stay in all day because DP won't apologise

155 replies

SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 12:22

That's all I want. And he is refusing because he doesn't think he is in the wrong.

So, I have been with DP for 8 years and we have 1 DS who is 9 months old and has just started walking. Obviously with this comes the odd fall/bump. I'm not going to constantly follow him around, I just let him get on with it and he's really got he hang of it.

On Friday, I was looking through the contract for our new house that has just arrived, when DS came toddling over near me. DP said 'watch him, he's just there'. He kind of stumbled a bit but then righted himself so I thought he was ok. About 5 seconds later he takes another couple of steps, trips over his feet and knocks his head on the coffee table (he's pulled all the corner protectors off). He cried but was fine after a quick kiss and a cuddle. DP completely went off on one, saying it was my fault and could of been avoided if I'd just done as he'd asked and watched him. I need to be more 'pro-active' instead of 'reactive' Hmm. Ok, he had a point I wasn't watching, however, it's not what he said that is my issue. It's the way he spoke to me. Like I'm some kind of child (he works with kids) and I don't like it. I will also add that 3 days before this, the exact same thing happened when DS was stood right next to him, do you think I went off on him? No, I bloody didn't because I know these things happen.

So we haven't spoken since then, other than the usual 'so are you just not gonna speak to me' 'are you gonna be in a mood all weekend now' blah blah blah. I said when I get an apology, then we can carry on. However, he is still point blank refusing, saying that the only way I ever listen to him is if he speaks to me like that. He always says it and it infuriates me. He doesn't think he's in the wrong but I am not backing down either and think he should apologise.

He is usually very quick to apologise when he's in the wrong or spoken to me badly, but this time he is digging his heals in and I don't know why.

We're meant to be going out with friends when DS wakes up but I really don't want to now because I think it will be obvious to everyone that we have fallen out.

So am I being a baby? Should I just forget about it or hold out for an apology?

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 25/06/2017 12:26

This could go on forever though couldn't it?

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 12:28

I think he has a point sorry. Your baby is 9 months and could very easily have had an injury necessitating stitches in his head.

Wonderflonium · 25/06/2017 12:29

marriage counselling, stat

stella23 · 25/06/2017 12:29

All sounds a bit childish to me, not speaking to each other, I think you should tell him how you feel and just get on with the he Day.

But I always hate being told to watch someone/do something that I feel is unneeded when clearly if your dh was so concerned about the walking he could have done it himself.

An example would be my stbx likes the children to be watched on the trampoline. Me I think they're fine. But we argue as he wants me to watch while he does other stuff. I think if he's so concerned he can watch himself.

ImperialBlether · 25/06/2017 12:29

I'm rather horrified at what you did, tbh! Your baby is nine months old and stumbling - you are his mum and shouldn't just be "letting him get on with it." I think you need to apologise for not taking enough care and he needs to apologise for talking to you in that manner.

BIWI · 25/06/2017 12:30

I agree with your husband - you weren't watching your son closely enough.

He was already near enough the coffee table, and you say he's pulled the protective corners off - why hadn't you replaced those?!

Your DH works with children, you say, which would suggest he has a better grip on child safety that you seem to have. I don't think he should be apologising, I think you should.

Underthemoonlight · 25/06/2017 12:30

My lo just cut his head open (very small) he's 1 year old literally turned in the end of the wall and caught himself it can happen. That being said I make sure he has my full attention because he's not aware of his surroundings or dangers. If I'm busy and need to do something he will go in his travel cot.

dataandspot · 25/06/2017 12:30

If he's hit the coffee table twice I would move it out of the way till he's more steady on his feet.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 25/06/2017 12:31

What was dh doing while you were going through the contract?

kaytee87 · 25/06/2017 12:31

I kinda think he has a point too, a walking 9mo needs watching pretty closely. If he's pulled your corner protectors off you might need to get rid of your coffee table - we had to.
I'm not saying he should have snapped at you but if I'd asked my dh to watch the baby and he didn't resulting in the baby having an accident I can't say I wouldn't snap at him either.
You probably just need to let this one go as you could be at stalemate forever and it's not worth it.

stella23 · 25/06/2017 12:31

what was your dh doing at the time?

LiveLongAndProspero · 25/06/2017 12:31

Stitches. From a minor bump with the coffee table? Jog on. When babies learn to walk they get bumps and bangs. It's part of the process. You don't glue yourself to them so they never touch of everything.

No justification for talking down to you anyway.

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 12:32

It happened to my cousin - exactly that. She was older though

BastardGoDarkly · 25/06/2017 12:32

I got rid of my coffee table when my first started walking tbh.

Its probably time I got another now he's 10 and dds 6 Hmm

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/06/2017 12:33

I've still got the scar from a similar accident, under my eyebrow, i nearly lost an eye.

I think that you should be more proactive, seeing that he's nine months.

He is an early walker and needs help to avoid accidents.

It is around fourteen months that you let them get on with it, with some it would be eighteen months.

It is your job to keep him safe.

NC4now · 25/06/2017 12:33

YABU.

BastardGoDarkly · 25/06/2017 12:33

I'm also interested to know what he was doing?

Newjob12345 · 25/06/2017 12:34

It depends, was he stood watching him whilst telling you to watch him, or did he have his hands full?

At his age you should be watching him a lot really. You don't need to be over the top but it's a good idea to remove things he could hurt himself on.

kaytee87 · 25/06/2017 12:34

I ended up with stitches after falling into a coffee table when I was 1. It can and does happen

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 25/06/2017 12:35

Well, if he won't apologise and you won't apologise (or whatever he feels you should do), then life is going to be very tricky. One or both of you is going to have to make the first move, otherwise it's probably not worth moving to your new house.

I hate that stalemate thing.

Birdsgottaf1y · 25/06/2017 12:35

""Stitches. From a minor bump with the coffee table? Jog on""

Spend a day in a children's A+E. He's nine months, so he is less tough than an over twelve month old, which is the average age for toddling.

CremeFresh · 25/06/2017 12:35

I'm sort of with your OH on this , he said to watch the baby , you didn't , baby got hurt .

it doesn't have to escalate into a big thing - just apologise.

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SpaceDuck · 25/06/2017 12:35

I already said he had a point and I wasn't watching.

He was sat on his phone and could see I was going through the contracts.

The protectors and constantly replaced but he just keeps putting them off again and again.

It was a little fall and a little bump. No injury, tiny red mark.

Jesus, I've seen countless threads on here about kids falling off beds etc and all the replays are "oh don't worry it happens to the best of us" Hmm

OP posts:
MarklahMarklah · 25/06/2017 12:36

I can sort of see both sides here.
If your DS was nearer to you than to your DH then I see why he'd warn you that DS might fall, so you could stop/protect him.
However - if you were already busy and he wasn't then what was stopping your DH from intervening?

The coffee table needs to be safer though - so the corner protectors should be put back on asap.

StealthPolarBear · 25/06/2017 12:36

With babies this young (neither of mine was walking this early) you sort of hand full responsibility over to other adults as the baby moves around. I assumed that was what happened. I agree if he was watching TV and expecting the op to do the actual parenting that's not on

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