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to have not sent a 'birthday daddy video' or card?

(37 Posts)
HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 25-Jun-17 09:41:27

Haven't name changed as cba blush, ill try not to drip feed.

DS1 (4) has seen his bio dad (estranged, abusive, cheating H who won't sign divorce papers!) once in 3 years. He pays when he cba but no cards/letters/communication with DS.

Fathers day I had a shitty message because I didn't send a card for the first time ever. H birthday was yesterday and he has sent yet another shitty message because I 'should' have sent a birthday card & video message saying, "happy birthday daddy".
I don't even know where he lives in the world anymore, every year I've sent a card from ds but thought no point anymore as he has made no attempt to communicate or see ds even though I've asked repeatedly.

My current partner has raised ds1 for the last 3 years. DS doesn't call him dad but if you asked him who his dad is he would say its DP, how do you explain to a 4 year old his bio dad doesn't bother but get him to say a, "happy birthday daddy" video and confuse him?!

I'm so angry I need to vent but also appreciate other opinions on the matter, maybe IABU I don't know :/

araiwa Sun 25-Jun-17 09:42:32

Ignore him

LizTaylorsFabulousTurban Sun 25-Jun-17 09:46:56

Does he send Happy Birthday Mummy videos to you from your son?

ClopySow Sun 25-Jun-17 09:47:14

Definitely ignore him.

LindyHemming Sun 25-Jun-17 09:48:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EduCated Sun 25-Jun-17 09:50:54

Yes, I would presume he has sent you Birthday/Mothers' Day cards on behalf of your son...? Or not.

luckylucky24 Sun 25-Jun-17 09:53:29

He is being ridiculous. He couldn't send the video messages from her son because he never sees him! Why should your son wish a stranger happy birthday?

PollytheDolly Sun 25-Jun-17 09:54:04

"Do as I say, not as I do"


HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 25-Jun-17 09:54:57

Nope never received a card etc. He now wants to take me to court all over this?! well good maybe he will bother seeing him.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 25-Jun-17 09:56:54

'You want a video? You are priceless. Your son has no idea who you are! Who do you think he would think the video is for - the person here every day or the person that he met once in 3 years? Unfuckingbelieveable'.

Butterymuffin Sun 25-Jun-17 09:57:37

Why on earth would he expect cards and messages when he ignores his son? Dick. Ignore his moaning and threats. Useless hot air.

VeryButchyRestingFace Sun 25-Jun-17 09:58:18

He now wants to take me to court all over this?!

Fab. He'll need to provide the court with an address.

This may help the CSA trace him for backdated maintenance?

vikingprincess81 Sun 25-Jun-17 09:58:55

Court? Over no card and no video? Errrr yeah, good luck with that one!
He's a dick, don't even acknowledge his messages - just ignore and get on with your life with ds and dp x

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sun 25-Jun-17 10:07:28

Good idea re CSA!

Probably should have said we met in Wales, married here and had ds here. H moved to England. So says he isn't prepared to travel unless he can have him for weekends straightaway. Ive offered to pay his travel. He is dillusional.

Ellie56 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:17:30

H is a prize knob. Ignore him and get on with your life.

SquinkiesRule Sun 25-Jun-17 10:20:16

Ignore Ignore Ignore, he's trying for a reaction and an argument. Makes him look like a twat if you end up in court.

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 25-Jun-17 10:21:24

Don't respond he's a twat

Starlight2345 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:22:30

Are you even responding to this.

I wouldn't even bother replying..Just ignore.

Any response just fuels him.

I would do nothing to encourage this man to have any contact with your DS.

MatildaTheCat Sun 25-Jun-17 10:23:55

Let him take you to court. Sounds quite amusing.

Follow up on CSA for sure. He's a prize for sure.

zen1 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:24:51

Have you posted about him before? Either way, he's an arsewipe. Definitely ignore and watch him get laughed out of court.

Ditsy1980 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:24:57

Ignore him, he won't take you to court. Then he might have to take an interest in DS.
I've had similar with exh. This year I got no birthday or Christmas card from DD as he didn't take her to get me one. So I didn't get him one from her when it was his bday. He went mental. angry

CheeseBubbles Sun 25-Jun-17 10:25:39

Are you really asking that? You must know IT would be ridiculous to even message the man ever again. He's obviously never going to take you to court.

flibberdee Sun 25-Jun-17 10:26:20

He sounds awful OP. Ignore ignore ignore. Let him go to the courts if he so chooses. Keep all communication with him for the record. And CSA!

pictish Sun 25-Jun-17 10:26:43

Yes ignore him. He's not right thinking and there's nothing you can or should do about that.
Let him go through the official channels. Otherwise ignore him.

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 25-Jun-17 10:27:26

He isn't a Dad, he created a child, but that doesn't entitle him to a Father's day anything and as said what is the point in distressing your Son, so he can have a Happy Birthday message.

Ignore it and leave the ball in his court.

If he wants a relationship then it is up to him to start and maintain it.

You or your DS owe him nothing (except contempt).

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