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Birthdays Mother's Day anniversary holiday

(14 Posts)
Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 09:33:22

AIBU if I don't organise something to do to help celebrate my own birthday Mother's Day our anniversary then we don't do anything, ever, even big birthdays.
I am fussy like organising and planning and am fairly good at it but I am now getting a bit weary of it all now and feel unappreciated like I am not worth making the effort for.
The only way he will do anything at all is if I have a major melt down and get upset then he might eventually book a restaurant the night before or a couple of nights before (and invariably) you can't get what you want but I have to help decide which restaurant to go to.
I plan things for his birthday, DC's birthdays as well as researching planning booking and organising DIY holidays and and weekends away.
He is a good husband in many ways and is mich more spontaneous than I am. Is anyone else's DH like this this and AIBU to be fed up of this?

araiwa Sun 25-Jun-17 09:36:50

Maybe hes like me and just doesnt care about stuff like that.

Maybe he thinks that you enjoy planning your own celebrations as you say in op

Maybe he doesnt know that your feelings have changed.

I suggest something quite bold and out there- could you try talking to him about it so he knows how you feel?

Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 09:42:13

Yes I think he probably is like you. My birthday is next week. Recently I have heard a few people saying their DH's have organised this and that for their birthdays. I have relayed the stories to him not Ex covering anything on such a grand scale but hoping he might take the hint. But it's fallen in deaf ears. If I have to get into a heated discussion about it cry shout sulk then it would take the edge off anything anyway.

araiwa Sun 25-Jun-17 09:45:23

Why does it need to be a heated discussion?

Dh its my birthday next week. Id like to go for a meal somewhere with some people. Can you organise it?

Try that

Heratnumber7 Sun 25-Jun-17 09:54:07

Some people are life's organisers, some people are not.
Some people lead, others follow.

You are not 5, you are an adult. If you've had enough of being the organiser, then tell him. But if he is not a natural organiser, you will be disappointed unless you're very, very specific about the type of event you are expecting him to organise.

Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:01:17

It's not a big birthday and don't want a big event night out as we don't have sitters. just want him to organise something for us two to do. It's midweek and we've both taken the day off.

Saiman Sun 25-Jun-17 10:05:48

You say you are fussy.

Is there a chance that impacts it?

CrazedZombie Sun 25-Jun-17 10:06:20

Does he enjoy the stuff that you organise for his birthday? Would he mind if you followed his lead and didn't organise his birthday for him? Some people are happy to wait until the day of their birthday and announce that they'd like pizza tonight and rock up to the local Italian without reservations or anything.

If that's what he's like, this will save you some work.

I know that you would like something organised for your life events. Why won't he make reservations without you being angry first? It's a simple case of putting reminders in your phone to reserve restaurants or whatever?

Heratnumber7 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:12:57

Just tell him you'd like him to book something then.

Honestly, DH is like this. It just won't occur to him. It's just the way he is.

CrazedZombie Sun 25-Jun-17 10:14:33

There's a book called the 5 Love Languages which explains that people show love in different ways. They are giving gifts, giving time, verbal, acts of love and physical touch.
I'm guessing that your husband doesn't understand how much effort/love goes into organising events. I'm guessing that you might be missing how he shows you how much he loves you too.

Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:18:46

He is definitely a decide on the night and go out for Indian italian or whatever and you go out as you are within 5-10 mins without getting changed or ready.
I enjoy that sometimes but also enjoy thinking what to do, planning it and looking forward to it.

Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 10:25:22

I might need that book crazed zombie.
I once booked a holiday after a couple of months of researching areas resorts accommodation reviews flight prices etc.
One day he turned round and said we've been really lucky 🍀 with this holiday. I said what do you mean he said well the flights ended up being good times, the man was there to meet us on time, the worked well, is in a good location and it's lucky we've got one on the ground floor so close to pool for the kids!!

SeaCabbage Sun 25-Jun-17 10:37:36

That thing you did about telling him what other husbands have done and hoping he "gets the hint" is really not the way to go.

As others have suggested, be direct and clear. Tell him it's your birthday on X day and you would like him to book a restaurant for hte evening. If that is what you want. And if you are fussy about restauratns maybe it is better that you do tell him which one you would like. Or be open to the one he chooses.

Tell him it would mean a lot to you.

Stop organising loads of things for his birthday.
Start asking for help with organising things for the kids and stop doing so much if you don't enjoy it anymore.

Take action! smile and good luck.

Brighteyes27 Sun 25-Jun-17 19:27:42

Had a chat he was defensive, said he's not imaginative like me and he has looked quite sad since, I don't think he liked me saying anything.
I probably should have had this discussion with him last birthday or 5 or 10 years or more ago. I have had this conversation with him numerous times usually on the day of my birthday with me in tears on the day after someone has asked what we were doing to celebrate.
I am feelin quite down about him this week and today and questioning our weekends, lives, relationship. Today I feel like we are in a total rut and probably have the most uninteresting unimaginative and dull life going out of everyone I know. Thanks for listening.

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