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AIBU?

Photos

13 replies

WellyMummy · 24/06/2017 23:03

Over the years I have given my father several photo frames with up to date photos of DD1 and then, when she came along, DD1 and DD2. I don't give him photos every year as I don't want to overwhelm him with photos and frames. In addition to this I make a calendar of our best photos of the year and give him a copy. I also send him photos by text and email when I get a good one.

We recently went to stay. He has a new partner. Comment was passed that he doesn't have enough photos of DD2. Since then several photo frames have been returned to me, for the photos to be replaced with more recent ones.

I think this is rude. He has recent photos. The photos and frames were gifts. He has plenty of recent photos to print if he chooses.

AIBU to return the frames as they are? I have no facility to print photos of sufficient quality at home and he has (or I can provide) photos of sufficient quality for him to print himself.

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/06/2017 23:05

Be glad he wants pictures of your dc?
Mil hasn't seen my dc for nearly 3 years.
No back story she just doesn't give a fuck. .

WellyMummy · 24/06/2017 23:10

But he's got plenty of pics. The pics were part of the present with the frames. I feel if he wants them updated then he can print them out. I also think that the overbearing new partner is forcing this.

OP posts:
adifferentnameforthis · 24/06/2017 23:42

Really? You are being massive U. Just print out new pictures for your dad, why is it such a big deal? It sounds like his partner wants pictures of your kid too - that's a nice thing!

I will admit he's BU if he's got a photo printing shop or something- otherwise YABU

Asmoto · 24/06/2017 23:47

YANBU - printing photos isn't free, even if you have a suitable printer (which you say you don't).

Hhave you tried offering to give him pictures on a USB stick/via email etc. that he can get printed himself? You could present it as 'I thought you and your DP might like to choose for yourselves which ones you like the best'?

Asmoto · 24/06/2017 23:47

Not sure where extra H came from Wine

WellyMummy · 24/06/2017 23:52

He's got the ability to print them and the right quality photos. He's already got the best photos.

Effectively he's just returned several gifts that he's had for quite a few years and asked for half of it to be replaced, when he can do it more easily than me!

OP posts:
FanaticalFox · 24/06/2017 23:54

You can order prints online for like 3p each. Most websites offer the first 25 for free. Just give these loose and all the frames and let him sort it out. Be glad he wants photos of your DC

Asmoto · 24/06/2017 23:55

Have you explained to him that you don't have a suitable printer?

WellyMummy · 25/06/2017 00:00

He knows that I can't print them. He also knows that money is tight for me but not for him.

TBH it's the return of gifts that's bothering me just as much.

OP posts:
Asmoto · 25/06/2017 00:06

Do you see it as a return of gifts, though, as he's actually wanting the frames back again but with new pictures?

If he knows money is tight for you it does sound as though he's either very insensitive, or playing some kind of game. I don't think there's anything you can do but be honest and say you can't get any more pictures printed at the moment but he's welcome to replace them himself and you will send him some more next Christmas/at the DCs' birthday/whenever you normally send some.

AgentZigzag · 25/06/2017 00:25

'I also think that the overbearing new partner is forcing this.'

Is this territorial pissing then do you think? That your dad, who's been happy with the pics and facilities he's got to rearrange his own house and photos as he pleases for years on end, is making it an issue at his new P's say so?

If you do think it's that then the pics are irrelevant, she's just testing your dad's feelings towards her.

Ignore it and let him sort his own house out, hopefully she'll settle down once she feels a bit more secure in their relationship and not feel the need to try and draw you into whatever tests she's got going on for you dad to show her how much he cares about her.

WellyMummy · 25/06/2017 00:30

Definitely new partner influence. 90 mins after meeting my girls she's discussing with them whether she's going to be Granny or Grandma! DD1 hurt herself and new partner wouldn't let me get to her to look or comfort my daughter! I could go on and on (and we've only known her 2 weeks but there are PLENTY more examples, she's been with him for 5 months but has known him over 30 years).

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 25/06/2017 00:46

Sounds like she's cackhandedly trying to carve out a role for herself and wants that role to be publically acknowledged by everyone from the off.

She must feel slightly insecure if it's a new relationship but they've known each other for so long.

I've been through similar and thankfully the woman turned out to be a lovely person, but she was a bit full on at first.

The way I tried to 'measure' whether it was a problem or not was to gauge whether her behaviour had slipped into abusive control (which it hadn't) and whether my dad was happy (he was/is, very).

My dad's DP is quite outspoken and I've found I've had to be similarly outspoken (in a nice way) so I/DDs don't feel steam rollered into doing things we're not happy with.

Would you feel able to do the same? What's your relationship like normally with your dad?

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