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To not want MIL and her partner to spoil the evening

(35 Posts)
Happyhippy45 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:19:58

Have a vent.
My DH and I have planned to go to a concert locally. We've seen the act before and they were really good. It was hit or miss if I'd be well enough to go last time but I pushed myself and had a lovely evening. We've not been out to any shows and rarely socialise outside the house because of my condition so I was really looking forward to going to see this act again.
My DH mentioned that maybe his mum and her partner would like to come with us (it's a folky type act that's quite well known.)
I agreed they might even though they are both quite deaf so he phoned there and then and invited them.
Now I'm thinking about it and feel like it's going to seriously dampen the nice evening out. Looking after an elderly couple on a rare night out when I'm only slightly better than I was last time I went is making me feel a bit low.
I was looking forward to some good music and maybe a beer.
There is a small chance they won't be able to make it as they have family coming over visit who haven't booked flights etc yet....should I live in hope or ask DH to lie and tell them we couldn't get tickets and just go ourselves? DH probably hasn't even considered that I wouldn't want them to come. I get on fine with them and they'd most likely enjoy themselves too. If they do come it means making dinner and having them stay overnight which on top of going out will probably be too much for me and I'll need a few days to recover. I'm not being selfish am I?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 24-Jun-17 18:21:45

Why should their presence spoil your evening?

PortiaCastis Sat 24-Jun-17 18:23:02

What have they done?

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit Sat 24-Jun-17 18:23:04

You can't uninvite people

PotteringAlong Sat 24-Jun-17 18:23:28

Your time to say you didn't want them to come was when your DH gave you the chance to say just that before he mentioned it to them. You cannot uninvite them now.

memyselfandaye Sat 24-Jun-17 18:25:30

I think you are being a bit selfish, you invited them!

Why can't your partner cook for them or get a takeaway, and if they need looking after then that's his responsibility?

Why can't you have a drink if they do go?

bigchris Sat 24-Jun-17 18:25:48

Well we need a bit more information really

Why did dh invite them knowing it would be unmanageable for you?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:26:23

Seems a bit uncharitable of you. Why will they spoil the evening?

Highalert Sat 24-Jun-17 18:27:42

Do they need looking after?

Crispbutty Sat 24-Jun-17 18:30:56

If it's affordable go out for dinner before the concert and just offer bacon sandwiches for breakfast the next day, or even breakfast out somewhere cheap like a Wetherspoons. That way you don't have any extra food shopping/kitchen tidying to do and can just enjoy the weekend.

Snoopysimaginaryfriend Sat 24-Jun-17 18:31:35

In what way do they need looking after and why would it stop you having a beer?

If you didn't want them to come you should have explicitly said so to your DH.

gamerchick Sat 24-Jun-17 18:32:12

You can't uninvite, you should have said something from the off.

You can however put all of the hosting onto your bloke. He's capable.

expatinscotland Sat 24-Jun-17 18:34:46

Pretty silly of you to have agreed to his inviting them in the first place so you need to suck that up. He can make them dinner.

BastardGoDarkly Sat 24-Jun-17 18:34:53

hmm let dh host, just go and enjoy yourself?

PinkHeart5911 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:36:48

Well you did agree with your dh when he said they might like to come confused surely that was the time to say could it be just us?

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 24-Jun-17 18:37:33

Tbh even if I go to a concert with dh I get so caught up in the atmosphere it feels like there is only me there!!
Let them stand next to him and I bet you forget about them!!

cricketballs Sat 24-Jun-17 18:40:19

What a selfish attitude; MN sometimes is ridiculous. Your PIP want a night out at something they would enjoy with their DS, it doesn't matter that they will struggle to hear they want to enjoy the atmosphere

Gemini69 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:43:56

weird hmm

Happyhippy45 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:44:12

Yeah it was a bit silly to agree without thinking it through. Looks like I'll just have to hope they can't make it.
I just wanted to spend a night with my DH doing something normal without having to entertain elderly folks when I'm not really feeling up to it.
My MIL is ok but makes comments about me "still being ill" and even though I've (DH too) explained my condition and how it effects me, she doesn't take it in and basically thinks I've been off work for 18 months with just a headache.
If I have a beer that'll be interpreted as "She can't be that ill if she's going to a concert and having a beer."

LollipopsandWine Sat 24-Jun-17 18:48:30

If you have a chronic condition (and it sounds like you do what with needing time to recover) I can completely understand what you are thinking - I have Crohn's disease and would be exactly the same. Going yourself would already be a big deal/exhausting, then worrying about other people and needing to socialise would put me out for a few days. So no, that would not be unreasonable thinking, but I would worry about putting them out. If at all possible to go ahead I would try.

Happyhippy45 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:50:32

They are both in their 80s and will need a bit of looking after.
When I was well I'd be more than happy to have them come with us and put in lots of effort to make it a lovely evening for them.
I just don't have the energy. I'll still put in as much effort as I'm able but will pay the price afterwards recovering from the exertion.
Kicking myself for not having a proper discussion before DH invited them.

Happyhippy45 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:51:23

Thanks for understanding lollipops

NavyandWhite Sat 24-Jun-17 19:00:16

Do they even want to come?

expatinscotland Sat 24-Jun-17 19:03:59

Why isn't your DH doing all the catering for them then? Have a beer anyway. It's none of her business if you do.

eddielizzard Sat 24-Jun-17 19:10:02

if he hasn't asked them yet tell him not to cos you don't feel up to it.

if they are coming leave the prep to him. he can sort out their bed. maybe go out for a meal beforehand as a treat?

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