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To be upset about ex's behavior?

(16 Posts)
HKittyCat Sat 24-Jun-17 18:10:41

I'm 6 months pregnant with my ex's child and he insists he wants to be involved. On Friday he decided to tell me that the reason we split up was because he needed a change and then 'unfortunately' (to use his own word) we found out I was pregnant. Obviously I was really upset at A. Being told I was discarded like a piece of rubbish because he needed a change and B. Our son being described as an unfortunate event. This was around 20-30 minutes after I had a mini breakdown because I was worried that I'd ruined his life, this was due to him effectively using my son and I as an excuse as to why he isn't dating other women like he wants, after which he tried to reassure me I hadn't ruined his life and that he was excited. After the conversation where he described our son as an unfortunate scenario I did storm off and he grabbed me and tried to talk to me and I told him that I wished I wasn't having his baby. Now him, my mother and his mother are all acting like I'm the unreasonable one.

Was I being unreasonable to be angry at his behaviour?
Was I being unreasonable for acting how I did?

There are additional little things that bug me too, like the fact that he'll message me but never pick up the phone to me, yet when he's been with me he's picked up calls where he didn't even know the number, and the fact that all my money has gone into saving for our child to the point where I only socialise once a week, yet he informed me the other week that he's not in a position to put any money aside at the moment, yet could spend £40 on weed yesterday.

I'm fed up, his family are lovely but sometimes I really regret that it is him i'm having a baby with.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain Sat 24-Jun-17 18:15:55

He's an arsehole who likes yanking your chain.
To your face the whole thing is an unfortunate situation and you were nothing more than a lighthearted fling.
This is done to get you to bend over backwards to accommodate him and accept any crumb of involvement in your childs life he sees fit, without complaint.

To others his heart is broken and he can't move on because of you and your child.
So he looks like such a good dad and such a sensitive soul and garners as much sympathy as possible from others.

He's a game player OP. You are well rid.
Make your child available for access but if he starts to dick around with arrangements and can't make contact, let it slide and hopefully he will drop out of your lives.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:18:42

He is entitled to leave a relationship, and by his use of the word unfortunately I'm guessing baby wasn't planned.

You are entitled to be upset by his comments and he's entitled to be upset by your comments aswell. Sounds like you both need to keep apart as emotions are still raw and focus on being able to have a successful co-parenting relationship.

He doesn't have to legally give you money or save money yet for his child, morally it would be nice.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:20:51

And he doesn't have to answer the phone too You, he's responding via text. That's all that matters that he responds.

HKittyCat Sat 24-Jun-17 18:23:45

KungFuPanda, the money isn't about legality, it's about the fact that he says he wants to be a good dad and he said he would help me with paying for the things our child needs but isn't putting his money aside but can spend £40 on weed. So far I've paid for everything and that doesn't look like it will change

endofthelinefinally Sat 24-Jun-17 18:27:05

Do not put him on the birth certificate.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:27:05

But the child isnt here yet. And is still three months til baby is here. So there is time.
You aren't in a relationship anymore, you can't police him.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:27:44

end why shouldn't he be on the birth certificate, what exactly has he done wrong? His child aswell as Ops.

HKittyCat Sat 24-Jun-17 18:29:32

90% of the stuff has already been bought, and exactly, it's his child as well as mine so why shouldn't he contribute to buying the things he will need when he arrives?

endofthelinefinally Sat 24-Jun-17 18:32:02

Because it looks as though he is going to make the op's life a misery anyway and putting him on the bc gives him endless control and power over her for the next 18 years.

Starlight2345 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:32:54

Was it yeaterday you split up? If so your emotions are going to be very raw, mix in the additional emotions then everything you feel is heightened.

At this point in time, he is not required to pay anything towards the baby however once he is born I suggest you put in a claim to CMS, He will then be legally required to pay to support your baby.

I think he may be avoided any confrontation replying by text... Do not contact him at this point you need to give yourself a little time to heal.

get support from someone will support you.

HKittyCat Sat 24-Jun-17 18:34:28

Starlight we broke up around 4 months ago, we just haven't spoken about why since then.

abbsisspartacus Sat 24-Jun-17 18:37:24

Why talk about it now then? Detach stop texting him you don't need to till you have the baby anyway

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 Sat 24-Jun-17 18:40:00

end i dont see how he would make her life a misery. Wont bw hard for his name to be put on birth certificate. Apply for court and his name will rightfully be on it.

Hkitty I understand it's still raw and it's even harder as you are carrying his child. I think it is wise contact only via text with how emotions are running wild on both parts. In your eyes he hasn't stepped up yet but he is probably seeing it is as he doesn't need too you as baby isn't here.

endofthelinefinally Sat 24-Jun-17 18:43:09

Every similar thread I have ever read on here has been full of warnings and horror stories in a similar vein.
Perhaps op should start a thread about that specific question.

ToadsforJustice Sat 24-Jun-17 18:57:36

Drop him like a stone. He is a drugged up waster and he will bring nothing but misery to you and your DS. He will never be the man you want him to be. Give up now. You will save yourself years of grief.

YY to not putting him the birth certificate. I predict that he won't fight it and he will never willingly pay any maintenance.

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