Locked doors

[Bobbins43]

AIBU to either lock my son's bedroom door or mine so he can't get up in the middle of the night and wander in? I've just managed to get him to start sleeping in his own room. He has a SafeSpace in there so he wouldn't be able to harm himself with anything in there

He is 7 and has ASD so the front and back doors and all the big windows are locked so he wouldn't be able to get out of the house.

Is this a terrible idea? I am desperate to get a full night's sleep and I would imagine he could do with some too. But I'm worried he'll get very distressed and I won't hear him. What do you think?

[hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman]

Does he get out of his SafeSpace?

[Floralnomad]

No , it's an appalling idea , if you need a break do you have no family that could sleep overnight occasionally so you can go to a hotel / friends for a nights kip .

[Bobbins43]

Yes, he does. It just has flaps and things. Like a tent with a very sturdy frame. So he can just unzip those and leave his room.

[Bobbins43]

I don't have anyone else who would be willing to sleep over so I could get some rest.

[mumeeee]

No don't lock the bedroom doors. Is it possible to speak to someone to see if you can get respite?

[Bobbins43]

He wouldn't cope with overnight respite on his own. I think he might be too young too.

I have to be honest, I wasn't especially sold on the idea but a friend mentioned it and I didn't want to seem as if I was dismissing it out of hand

I'm getting to that stage where I don't know what the best thing to do is

[TwoBlueFish]

Could you ask for an OT assessment to keep him safe at night. A friend had an OT provided high stair gate type thing. Also have you looked into respite?

[Bobbins43]

We have had an OT assessment which is how we got our SafeSpace. He's very good at climbing so he's just climb over stair gates. He's just had an EHCP review and it was recommended that we have another review but I don't know if anything will come of that.

[Bobbins43]

The only respite available here is a playscheme he can attend during the day. We've just had our allocation of hours renewed so he will be attending sessions in the summer holidays but that's it. We tried looking for a carer but got nowhere.

[Spikeyball]

What about a barn door type arrangement with the bottom part quite high and a bolt on the bottom half. It would be unsafe though if you know he would try to get past it.
My son sleeps in a safe space but is not able to undo it.

[Bobbins43]

We have one of those on the kitchen. He just separates them and climbs over bits or swings on them.

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

No don't lock the doors, that sounds very distressing for a child. I would also suggest someone stays overnight to help you but it sounds like that's not an option. Hope you figure something out

[flapjackfairy]

I thought safespaces were designed to keep kids in and unable to escape!?
I am looking at one for my child so genuine question
For travel we have a safety sleeper which is a smaller tent with a mattress in the bottom and zips from the outside. Our little escapologist hasnt got out of that and infact he loves it and likes to be zipped in as much as possible ! Just wondering whether we need something bigger for teenager years hence my looking at other options but might not bother ! In fact you can get safety sleepers in double bed size which might be a better option.
Not cheap though !

[Bobbins43]

Mine has zips on it so he can just undo those... I didn't realise they were meant to be inescapable! Just safer than a bed and falling out of it

[Bobbins43]

Part of me is also thinking at some stage he is going to have to learn to go to sleep without me.

We're not having a great time of it at the moment. I don't know which way is up tbh.

[MyOtherNameIsTaken]

Don't ever lock bedroom doors as it could stop you getting out in the event of a fire.

[Floralnomad]

Have you looked at any organisations like Crossroads Care , they provide respite in your home .

[soapboxqueen]

It's be wandering in to sleep with you or wandering in because awake and bored?

[CheshireChat]

Could you put a baby camera in? Then you'd know if they're genuinely upset.

Maybe put a latch thing but with super glue so it's easy to break open in case of an emergency.

I admit I'm not too fussed about locks on doors, whereas my mum and DP are so obviously YMMV.

[Bobbins43]

He's wandering in to find me. He usually just goes to sleep in my bed but sometimes, like last night, he was just awake from 3am.

I can't afford to pay a carer to come in. I had to leave my job last year because I couldn't organise any childcare.

I hadn't thought about a camera, actually. Maybe getting a baby monitor might be a good idea. It's been a long time since I had one but maybe a 2 way thing would reassure him that I'm not going anywhere?

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

In the short-term if you are desperate could you get some daytime respite and have a good nap while he's there? I know it's not ideal but might help tide you over (I booked an extra nursery day for my 1 & 4 year olds a couple of times to do that when I was struggling after some long series of very disturbed nights when DH was away). Lack of sleep is so awful

[Bobbins43]

I try to sleep sometimes for an hour whilst my kids are at school but at the moment I am spending time just trying to tidy up from last night's chaos. He has usually taken all the cushions off the sofas, thrown all the books off the shelves, emptied the DVDs everywhere etc...

I just feel surrounded by chaos.

[Witchend]

A friend did end up going that with support from SS after her Houdini dd had proved (with various a&e trips and being returned by the police) that it was far safer to lock her in than let her roam the house.
She had no sense of danger (on the neighbours' roof was one police return at 3am) liked to eat things (swallowed most of a purse of money was one A&E trip-having picked the lock of the high cupboard to get it) and didn't sleep.
When she was around seconds age things clicked with her and it became no longer an issue.

[soapboxqueen]

My ds 8 also asd comes in usually between 12 and 4 am. He usually goes back to sleep but is usually up by 5 or 6 am. It can be uncomfortable because he likes to lie on top of me. If that's the case I go into his bed.


If he's just up he just plays in his room or has his iPad. I have a lock on the iPad so he can't just go and get it but if he's up he's up and I can go back to sleep. I have a stairgate so he can't get down stairs.