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To want to take 2 months off sick

(86 Posts)
strongnstable Sat 24-Jun-17 11:46:29

Regular poster, name changed as this is very identifying.
I am undergoing a serious, planned operation in the autumn and the consultant has told me that I was likely to need three months off work, maybe less, maybe more. The operation will affect my mobility and I won't be able to drive or take public transport for 3 months either. I have been struggling into work and have not taken a single day off for this condition despite pain and are v rarely off sick anyway (1 or 2 days per year). I'm v senior, in a vvvv busy role and have been open and transparent with work about time off required suggesting that I will be needing at least 8 weeks fully off and then possibly some work from home. Work have been supportive and arranged appropriate level of cover and told me that I should come back when ready etc. I also have a good team with a number of great managers. My sick pay isn't good and my husband is a contractor but we have saved to cover this drop in salary and it's likely my husband will be able to return to employment after a month which will be fine. I will need him around initially to help with DC and also to help me. I'm going to be very poorly. He is happy to do this.However every other person I speak to from family to friends keeps insisting that I should probably return working from home or getting taxis in the office from a month in. That I will be bored at home and I'm indulging myself having longer off. AIBU to want 2 months off to recover fully before returning to a ball breaking job with two small DCs?

strongnstable Sat 24-Jun-17 11:48:12

Sorry the reason I'm posting as it's so universal that I should be rushing back, I'm beginning to get think I'm taking the mick

LiveLongAndProspero Sat 24-Jun-17 11:48:21

I think you should stop talking to people about your plans and just get on with your own life as you see fit.

Notknownatthisaddress Sat 24-Jun-17 11:49:04

YABU wanting 2 months off yes!

You need and DESERVE around 4 months off.

And fuck anyone who says any different.

What right do they have to say you should go back ASAP?

Good luck with your op and I hope you recover well.

Heirhelp Sat 24-Jun-17 11:50:07

I think how long you need off is to discussed between you and your dr and no one else.

witsender Sat 24-Jun-17 11:50:14

I think you should listen to your doctors, and ignore everyone else. What do they know?

Cakescakescakes Sat 24-Jun-17 11:50:46

Don't listen to them. A month off is ridiculously small for even less major surgery.

MatildaTheCat Sat 24-Jun-17 11:51:02

I think you know the answer to this. Of course you need the time off. If your consultant has suggested three months that is how long you should plan for.

If you try to rush back early you will risk your health and possibly the full success of the surgery. You will also probably underperform and get incredibly stressed.

Why even ask other people. Follow your doctor's advice.

Good luck.

DorisMcSweeney Sat 24-Jun-17 11:51:10

Very important not to rush back after a major operation - people underestimate how long it takes to recover

PuppyMonkey Sat 24-Jun-17 11:51:22

I think you mix with a rather odd circle if that's what people you know are saying. confused

ihatethecold Sat 24-Jun-17 11:52:20

Op. Listen to medical advice not your friends.
Don't rush back through guilt.
Get better properly.

HeirOfNothingInParticular Sat 24-Jun-17 11:56:18

I've had major surgery and a couple of serious injuries, and doubt you will feel like going back after 4 weeks. I was off for 12 weeks when I had major abdominal surgery, and I felt I needed that. I had a phased return and felt exhausted. Listen to your body, no one else. Good luck.

IrenetheQuaint Sat 24-Jun-17 11:59:49

Your friends and family are weird and presumably none of them has had major surgery themselves. Follow the medical advice and be prepared to take the full 3 months or longer if you need it.

Puffpaw Sat 24-Jun-17 11:59:51

A few years back I was in a similar situation, had several operations and needed some time off. I made all sorts of promises to work about when I would be back and when I would start working from home. I was completely unrealistic. I had no idea just how tired I would be, mentally and physically, how much rest I would need, nor how draining the rehabilitation would be. At that point I did not have children. Luckily the director I reported to was very clear that I should take as long as I needed and was not at all surprised that I was not able to fulfil my over ambitious promises, he was very supportive. I ended up taking ten weeks in total, working from home for the last two. I recovered faster and better due to the uninterrupted rest. Take as long as you need and don't worry about anyone else.

Honeybee79 Sat 24-Jun-17 12:02:55

Yanbu. You are, quite rightly, following the advice of your doctors.

Moanyoldcow Sat 24-Jun-17 12:03:26

Ffs - people are weird!

Your HCPs have said you need around 3 months off - of course they know best.

I think you should ignore them and concentrate on getting better.

YADNBU

Good luck OP - sounds really tough but you obviously have a supportive DH which will go a long way.

Floralnomad Sat 24-Jun-17 12:03:58

I would say don't plan for anything as you will obviously need to assess it after the op , you have no idea whether you will make a quick recovery or a slow one . It could well be that after 4-6 weeks you feel well enough to work or it could be that you need 12 weeks , who knows , nobody ,not even you .

Moanyoldcow Sat 24-Jun-17 12:04:05

Ignore them = ignore the people telling you to go back sooner

PerspicaciaTick Sat 24-Jun-17 12:04:19

You are already planning to skimp on recovery time, cutting back on what the consultant has recommended. Why on earth would you cut back even further to please people who know fuck all about it, who aren't your employers, your doctors or your DH?

cantkeepawayforever Sat 24-Jun-17 12:06:40

'I am following the advice given by my consultant, who states i will need 3 months off, maybe a little less, maybe more. As he / she is the best informed person to comment as they have much more experience, that's who I'm listening to.'

I cannot believe that anyone is trying to persuade you to go against this - tbh i think you ought to have advised work that you are likely to be fully absent for 3 months, though of couyrse you will keep in regular touch after the operation to update them if the situation changes.

Over-promising and under-delivering is ALWAYS worse than giving a realistic worst-case scenario an then 'beating' it.

GreenTulips Sat 24-Jun-17 12:07:38

Appendicitis is a kin of 6 weeks recovery

Take as much time as you need and stop discussing it

SummerSinner Sat 24-Jun-17 12:09:20

Take as long as you need, please please don't rush back to work because of what other people say. I had a hysterectomy and went back to work 2 weeks later - it was a new job, involved driving long distances. I lasted a couple of months, was in pain and constantly stressed and ended up with severe depression and had to quit my job. All because of what other people said. Listen to your doctors and listen to your body - no-one else.

welshweasel Sat 24-Jun-17 12:11:21

Just ignore them and follow the medical opinion that you have been given. I think an awful lot of people do take the piss with post operative recovery periods and as a surgeon I'm probably less generous than some when it comes to length of sick notes but I'm assuming it's something like major abdominal surgery/spinal surgery if you've been told you need that long off, in which case you'll need all the help you can get. Better to plan for the worst case scenario. You can always go back early/work from home if the recovery is quicker than expected.

QuitMoaning Sat 24-Jun-17 12:13:25

Your employers will be in trouble if you go back to work against Doctors advice and then something happens.
I hate people who are off sick all the time and take the piss with sick benefits etc etc but your Doctor has your health in mind. You need to listen to him or her.
If, when you are recovering, you feel well enough to start to return to work, talk to your Doctor and if they agree then you can start returning. plan for 3 months but keep an open mind and dialog with Doctor and employer.

Cornettoninja Sat 24-Jun-17 12:13:30

In short fuck them.

They're not doctors and if by some chance they are they're terrible ones.

Have your op (hope it goes well flowers) and recover properly.

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