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AIBU?

AIBU not to do the bastard's washing anymore?

96 replies

SnapYap · 23/06/2017 10:41

DH works FT, i work 3 days a week. I came home from work last night and cleaned floors, kitchen, cooked dinner, cleaned bathroom and then began putting away some clean washing that I'd left in a pile to go away the day before (I hadn't had time to put it away on the day). As I was putting away the washing, DS (2) was playing with a toy on the bedroom floor. DH was lay on the bed playing with his phone. They toy rolled under the bed and DS started shouting and yelling and asking for help to get it back. As I was busy and DH wasn't helping, I asked him to get the toy back for DS. DH replied, 'Why can't you do it? I'm sick of you asking everyone else to do your jobs!' I said, 'Actually I'm putting your washing away,' as it was his clothes I was sorting out at the time. He said, 'Well I didnt ASK you to sort out my clothes. I'll hang it up when I am ready!'

So WIBU not to wash his clothes this weekend, as he hasn't ASKED me to?

For background, MIL has been making sly comments lately about how little housework I do, which has caused lots of bad feeling. It's unclear whether this is a conclusion she's come to by herself, or whether it's been DH telling her I don't do enough.

OP posts:
YellowLawn · 23/06/2017 10:46

yanbu

stop doing it.
not only for the weekend but forever longer

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 23/06/2017 10:48

"well I didn't ASK you to be an arsehole but you're doing that..."

AVY1 · 23/06/2017 10:49

Yanbu. Helping your DS retrieve a toy is not in any way related to whether you do or don't do 'enough' housework (although from you post it sounds like you definitely do!)

stitchglitched · 23/06/2017 10:49

Since when is helping your joint child fetch a toy one of 'your' jobs? I wouldn't do anything for him again if he spoke to me like that.

astoundedgoat · 23/06/2017 10:55

"Your jobs"? Is he fucking serious? On what PLANET is the housework and caring for his and your child exclusive to you?

If he works 40 hours a week and you work 24, then you could make a case that the housework could be divided more along the lines of 60/40 than 50/50 but he needs a serious conversation about the way he speaks to you followed by a list of the things that get done in the house every week, with his name fucking written by 40% of them at a bare minimum going forward, and then you STICK to it like bloody glue.

"Your jobs" in-fucking-deed. Angry Angry Angry

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 10:56

Exactly. Why is that 'my' job! And why do I have to stop what I'm doing because he can't tear his eyes away from his phone for one second.

OP posts:
Snapyap · 23/06/2017 10:58

I've made a spreadsheet of the household jobs and included a formula for percentage and by my calculations i do 75% of the jobs to his 25%, which is fine, but for the fact he won't even help DS get his toy back which would have taken 5 seconds.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 23/06/2017 10:59

I love a good Excel formula. Smile

BangkokBlues · 23/06/2017 11:00

Why wouldn't he help his son?

Nasty nasty mean behavior.

MommaGee · 23/06/2017 11:01

I'd stop doing anything for him and tell him to grow up. I assume its his child too? His 2 minutes of fun? Joint decision? Then looking after your child when your both at home is both of your jobs

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:01

I don't honestly know why he was refusing to help! I think he was more pissed off that I'd asked him to do something and interrupted him on his phone.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 23/06/2017 11:05

I wouldn't make this about the washing personally.

I'd make this about the fact that caring for and interacting with children is a joint responsibility. Helping / playing with your child is NOT your job. That's a really sad attitude to have to his own child.

Notknownatthisaddress · 23/06/2017 11:07

Wow what a misogynistic twat.

I would not be doing anything for him again EVER. Hmm

SpearmintTea · 23/06/2017 11:12

Yanbu. Maybe if you went on strike for the rest of the month he'd notice how much you do? And looking after DS isn't doing your job for you; he's his child too!

MadameJosephine · 23/06/2017 11:12

Your jobs"? Is he fucking serious? On what PLANET is the housework and caring for his and your child exclusive to you?

^^this with big fat fucking bells on!!

Tosser Angry

SpearmintTea · 23/06/2017 11:13

Have you seen the 'I don't help my wife ' video that's doing the rounds at the moment?

MommaGee · 23/06/2017 11:16

OP how often does he care for DC alone?

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:17

Spear- I haven't. Any idea where I'll find it?

Momma- he almost never has DS on his own. He's never had a full day on his own with him actually.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 23/06/2017 11:17

I'd stop doing anything at all for him, no cooking, washing, shop for yourself and your child. If he makes any snide remarks tell him you're just working out how much easier life would be without him.

SpearmintTea · 23/06/2017 11:19

A friend came to my house for coffee, we sat and talked about life. At some point in the conversation, I said, “I’m going to wash the dishes and I’ll be right back.”

He looked at me as if I had told him I was going to build a space rocket. Then he said to me with admiration but a little perplexed: “I’m glad you help your wife, I do not help because when I do, my wife does not praise me. Last week I washed the floor and no thanks.”

I went back to sit with him and explained that I did not “help” my wife. Actually, my wife does not need help, she needs a partner. I am a partner at home and through that society are divided functions, but it is not a “help” to do household chores.

I do not help my wife clean the house because I live here too and I need to clean it too.

I do not help my wife to cook because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I do not help my wife wash the dishes after eating because I also use those dishes.

I do not help my wife with her children because they are also my children and my job is to be a father.

I do not help my wife to wash, spread or fold clothes, because the clothes are also mine and my children.

I am not a help at home, I am part of the house. And as for praising, I asked my friend when it was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, washing clothes, changing bed sheets, bathing her children, cooking, organizing, etc. You said thank you

But a thank you of the type: Wow, sweetheart !!! You are fantastic!!!

Does that seem absurd to you? Are you looking strange? When you, once in a lifetime, cleaned the floor, you expected in the least, a prize of excellence with great glory … why? You never thought about that, my friend?

Maybe because for you, the macho culture has shown that everything is her job.

Perhaps you have been taught that all this must be done without having to move a finger? Then praise her as you wanted to be praised, in the same way, with the same intensity. Give her a hand, behave like a true companion, not as a guest who only comes to eat, sleep, bathe and satisfy needs … Feel at home. In his house.

The real change of our society begins in our homes, let us teach our sons and daughters the real sense of fellowship! “

Author unknown but truly awesome…

SpearmintTea · 23/06/2017 11:20

^ that's the text I'd seen made into a video.

dancerdog · 23/06/2017 11:22

I don't do my husband or sons washing any more -( boys are 16 and 18, husband 50, if that helps...)

There are all aware of how the washer and dryer work, and after a lot of shouting, I am now very happy to leave them to it. It is sooo wearing, dealing with others' washing, when they are fully capable.

The main consequence is that they leave baskets of clean, dry washing everywhere and do not think to put them away.
I don't put them away either though.

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dancerdog · 23/06/2017 11:22

Oh, and I am part time too.

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:26

Thanks spear. It's all true. I don't mind doing the washing, I enjoy it, but the fact that he told me off for not stopping to help ds when he was there and could've helped much more easily than me. And saying that it was 'my' job.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 23/06/2017 11:26

Fuck just not doing his washing. I wouldn't be doing any cooking, any of his cleaning or any of his tidying either.

But I would be using his toothbrush to scrub the bog.

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