So the gp were invited to spend the day with the dc today at a theme park, its a place one goes to every week on a pass the older dc had a day off school ( inset) so we asked gp if they would like to take dc to theme park.
We have had to cancel that and I know they will be really dissapointed. However its beyond our control as DF passed away recently and we have to get to his house hundreds of miles away suddenly and its my bday on sunday.
when dh said this to fil he said " oh so they gave up a day at theme park to sit in the car and sing happy bday on the way back down?" sad faces.
The dc do not like staying at GP house and indeed after the last over night stay older DD 9 screamed and begged not to be sent back there. they are uber strict and neither DH nor I enjoy being in their home at all. we have had our ups and downs with them, we have tried to encourage a relationship with our dc and them.
however after DF passed neither of them actually said " so sorry for your loss" or said anything like that, no card, nothing from them,. mil in fact seemed pissed off when I was talking about it briefly to fil who seemed to be feigning slight interest.
I understand they are dissapointed but the implication is I am being selfish for dragging dc away from theme park to sing hapy bday in the car.
Actually, the dc were asked if they wanted to stay with the gp and they said "no". for my bday we are not driving home at all and will go out for lunch and where were are going is my family who they enjoy seeing and also its a lovely part of the world, beach, mountains etc.
I think its despicable insinuation or am I being OTT? Am just fed up of being treated like the one who gets in the way of them and dh and them and DC when they themeselves turn these people away.
AIBU?
In thinking this is the pits and a new low from Fil.
Gobbolinocat · 23/06/2017 09:20
Stand your ground and don't let them inveigle you into concessions. Also, I remember your DH has got serious issues in dealing with them as an adult so watch out for pressure from him. You shouldn't have to be on the defensive with your DH when you've just lost a parent but I'm afraid you may have to be in your case.
I'm very sorry for your loss 
its tricky as family on my side is very learn ( dm passed away and DB) and now DF 
they are all they have locally really, dc enjoy short visits with them esp when we are there but this isnt what they want, ideally they would love to go on holidays with them - without us, have them for over night stays and alone...
Last year we did leave them for two nights and had another two nights booked in for a a few weeks later and older dd as I said cried and said no.
they of course think they are great and their house is great because its bigger 
and garden bigger.
i would like to move away but then there would be pressure for hte dc to spend longer visits with them and I couldnt stay in their house.
I just dislike the implication that I have been selfish for wanting my dc with me, but also ignoring the part where the dc were asked and did not want to go with them
Firstly, I am so sorry for you loss 
Secondly, YANBU. This was arranged before you knew you had to do this trip. You said yourself that it was beyond your control. Ignore them and don't feel you have to justify anything to them - if they can't comprehend the situation they never will. Even if your DC did enjoy going I think this is a time when you all need to be together.
Can I just ask if you've asked your DD what it is she doesn't like about going there? I think a 9 year old screaming and crying that she doesn't want to stay with a relative is a bit extreme and would want to know what's going on there.
They're your kids and you can do with them as you please, they are just being arseholes. Sorry for your loss OP
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