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To ask DH to change the way he talks to people?

(44 Posts)
BlackAppleCore Fri 23-Jun-17 08:30:20

DH is very, very sociable and will attempt conversation with anyone he meets. It's not always welcome to be honest, some people (like me) just like to be left alone but DH will attempt conversation with them anyway.

Anyway I'm becoming increasingly frustrated at the way he talks to people. He doesn't let them finish their sentences before butting in with another question. It's infuriating! Example yesterday:

DH - "Hello mate, that's quite the rent you have there!"
Random man - "hi! Yes it is, I got it from ... "
DH - is this your first time here or you been before?"
Man - "no been a couple of times in the past actually, this year we're ... "
DH - "wherevyou from?? Can't work out your accent!"
Man - "originally oxford but I now live in ... "
DH - "Oxford? So you've not come far then!"
Man - " actually yes, I was just about to say I now live in China"

Anyway similar conversations all day yesterday, I find it so embarrassing and frustrating. WIBU to bring it up with him?

Joolsy Fri 23-Jun-17 08:34:46

Well it's good that he's asking people questions about themselves but sadly he doesn't wait to hear their full reply! All I can suggest is having a word with him about it

Cocklodger Fri 23-Jun-17 08:42:40

I'd definitely have a word with him about it.
Having a conversation with strangers is ok,
Having a conversation AT them (which he is doing) not so much

pipsqueak25 Fri 23-Jun-17 09:28:22

he probably doesn't realise he'e even doing it, but people will think he's rude or there is something wrong with him, which is awkward if he's a social person.

NavyandWhite Fri 23-Jun-17 09:35:08

I know someone like this. She will talk the hind leg of a stranger. Usually utter bollocks. Ransoms in queues, strangers sat near us in cafes, anyone. It drives me insane.

If this were my H I would bring it up yes.

NavyandWhite Fri 23-Jun-17 09:35:38

Randoms not ransoms!

pipsqueak25 Fri 23-Jun-17 09:47:06

navy my mum does this, usually about me, dgc [she's proud of them that's great] that i was widowed young and my 2 exhs -she is quite loud and it's cringy esp. when i'm with her. all to complete strangers wtf ??
i try not to tell her too much now grin

NavyandWhite Fri 23-Jun-17 09:55:04

That's a bit inappropriate of your mum Pip, I can see why you'd feel uncomfortable with that. My friend is loud too. I often think it's confidence issue with her, she's quite insecure but tries to appear that she isn't.

witsender Fri 23-Jun-17 09:56:53

Those conversations are more about the sound of his own voice, and how chatty he is than actually wanting to talk to the other person. Not cool.

NavyandWhite Fri 23-Jun-17 09:58:34

Yes you're right Witsender.

pipsqueak25 Fri 23-Jun-17 10:00:58

mum has no filter as she has gotten older grin

BandeauSally Fri 23-Jun-17 10:05:19

He doesn't let them finish their sentences before butting in with another question. It's infuriating!

I don't know if I'm just chatting to more people or people are becoming ruder but I have noticed a lot more people doing this in recent years. It's incredibly frustrating and makes me just not want to bother meeting with them. I currently have a friend trying to arrange a lunch date for us and I am stalling because I really don't want to sit and be talked over for a whole afternoon.

BananaLeaf Fri 23-Jun-17 10:10:37

My SIL does this, won't let you finish an answer before firing next question. So annoying and not conducive to decent conversation.
YANBU I would point out that he's not letting people finish.

PhilODox Fri 23-Jun-17 10:11:55

Sorry, have to ask, but what's a "rent" please?

BlackAppleCore Fri 23-Jun-17 10:15:54

Rent - tent 😁

I'm an introvert and highly anti-social so I really struggle with the random "new best mate" scenarios but when he's just talking over people it actually stresses me out. Sometimes he does it to people who ensure that they finish their sentences so it becomes an almost "polite" shouting match between them. I feel myself becoming quite uncomfortable and stressed by it

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Fri 23-Jun-17 10:19:20

Oh I hate it when people talk to me. That's just the cheerful soul I am.
I agree you should say something - its fine if he wants to be chatty, but just a reminder that conversations are a two way street!

Titsywoo Fri 23-Jun-17 10:21:06

Dh is like this. He has aspergers though. So does ds and he is the same. Talks at people and doesn't realise when they were getting bored!

QueenOfRubovia Fri 23-Jun-17 10:21:14

I could have written this post myself.
I have one of those, OP, and like you the day came when I had to have a little talk with him about it. Mine also talks very loudly.

I have a little signal. I poke my finger hard into the nearest part of his body that's available (not hard enough to hurt) so he gets the idea that perhaps he's overdoing it a little. He's quite amenable to this as he knows his brain and mouth sometimes run away with him.

He's just so enthusiastic and chatty. But it's wearing for the rest of us.
Not sure there's anything to completely cure it. I've tried for years.

LardLizard Fri 23-Jun-17 10:22:26

I think he does it as he wants his questions answered, buthe doesn't want to hear what he views as their waffle
So he gets bored and buts in with another question

LaContessaDiPlump Fri 23-Jun-17 10:22:45

I have a friend who tends to not listen to the end of my replies and to ask the next question - I try to view it as a sign of her (remarkably quick) mind, as she gets bored with the obvious predictable answers v.quickly and wants to get as much new info as possible grin tbf she is a good friend, remembers details and is considerate and kind. Not sure how I'd view it in a random person though!

PhilODox Fri 23-Jun-17 10:24:18

Ah, thanks blush
I thought it was some cool new slang for something...

Sorry, not really helping on the DH front.

StormTreader Fri 23-Jun-17 10:25:19

Has he been checked for any hearing loss? Sometimes people get into the habit of doing this because they cant really hear what the other person is saying so they seize on a key word like "Oxford" and jump back in with a reply to just that.

Neutrogena Fri 23-Jun-17 10:31:17

OP - why has this become an issue now? Was he an introvert before marriage?

Please be honest with yourself - are you getting sick and tired of him in general and this is one if the obvious gripes?

superfluffyanimal Fri 23-Jun-17 10:32:57

In a conversation with new people I am guilty of this, is just my enthusiasm, I don't mean to be rude. I try not to but still sometimes do it. By all means mention it, it is rude to talk over people. Can you do it in a jokey way? i.e. "give the poor man a chance to answer!" kind of way?

However if he is naturally outgoing and chatty you shouldn't try to curtail that, that's who he is.

Saucery Fri 23-Jun-17 10:36:08

I work with someone who does this. She is lovely but it is maddening! I find myself giving almost monosyllabic answers now as I know she is not really listening.

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