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Dealing with this relative

(10 Posts)
WinLose Thu 22-Jun-17 23:20:59

My parents live in a different country and I meet them twice or thrice a year, during summer, christmas, birthdays etc. I usually end up staying with them for a week or so every time I visit. The problem is my aunt - my mom's younger sister, who my mom is incredibly close to. My aunt has not said a single positive thing about anyone in the few decades I've known her.

I would usually buy her something nice every time I visit - once I got her a nutribullet, another time a cashmere scarf etc. I got her a top last time, and her immediate comment is "you have such horrible taste in clothes, don't you". If she said she hated the thing, that's fine, I will just buy her something else next time. But she is always judging me as a person by the thing I get her. And then she goes around telling everyone how bad and incompetent an adult I have turned out to be. My mom then starts to chime in with her thoughts on how incompetent I am at everything. When I met a friend of hers once, she knew me as the incompetent one.

Anyway I am meeting them next week and dreading the trip. I am not sure if I am being too sensitive about the whole thing and should just let them be. Or if I should react and then end up enduring their sulk throughout my time there!

fuzzywuzzy Thu 22-Jun-17 23:25:08

God, I wouldntbe staying with them at all. I would also not buy them anything.

If you want to meet them for coffee or something do so, but leave as soon as they start on about your being incompetent. And tell them you'll contact them when you feel like being insulted.

HildaOg Thu 22-Jun-17 23:29:22

Don't get her anything. Why waste your money and energy on someone who will never be appreciative and who will always say nasty things no matter what. If she asks tell her there's no point because she hates everything anyway.

Why do you care so much for the opinions of people who openly express disdain for you? You need to let go of the idea that you can make people like this care. You can't. You can however stop caring to impress those who will never be impressed.

EatTheChocolateTeapot Thu 22-Jun-17 23:29:59

Don't go, at least this time. They don't have any right to treat you like this. The problem comes from them, not you

HildaOg Thu 22-Jun-17 23:30:30

And the second anyone insults you tell them they're very rude and walk off leaving them to be obnoxious to themselves.

KC225 Thu 22-Jun-17 23:32:50

Why not tell your mum you would like it to be the two of you. Tell her that your Aunt is difficult to please and she makes you feel uncomfortable, give examples.

I certainly would not be buying presents for someone so ungrateful and ride. She had no manners, she deserves nothing. Stop rewarding bad behaviour.

Pumpkintopf Thu 22-Jun-17 23:33:52

You should not tolerate your aunt speaking to you like that and if your mum supports her rather than you I'd be having a quiet word with her about loyalty to her daughter!

Spadequeen Thu 22-Jun-17 23:36:07

Don't buy her anything. If she is rude enough to question it, tell her 'well you never like any gifts I buy for you so I decided not to bother.'

And talk to your mum about all his putting you down shit. Tell her if it carries on, you won't visit. And stick to your guns.

WinLose Fri 23-Jun-17 00:18:02

I do know I should not be listening to this. But then I look at them and see two old women who I may not have around me in a few years' time.. they are being nasty granted, but it seems silly in the bigger picture. Yup it's a toss up between kindness and self respect.

emmyrose2000 Fri 23-Jun-17 00:19:04

Why do you continue to buy her things? It doesn't make sense to me.

If my mother was as disloyal to me as yours is to you, I'd stop visiting and tell her exactly why.

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