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To think people who have childcare and support from parents can't keep claiming how they're finding parenting tough.

(155 Posts)
HateSummer Thu 22-Jun-17 19:25:48

Probably going to get flamed for this!

I have a friend who has 2 kids and full support from her family whenever she needs time out. She's not working, and whenever she feels she's had enough of her 18m old, she leaves her with her parents. Or after school she takes her kids to her parents house every single day for dinner and then just sleeps at her house. She often leaves her kids there and goes home to catch up on chores etc and the kids will spend nights with their grandparents.

I on the other hand have no support whatsoever and no family around to help me. I have 3 children and I'm doing everything for them alone with dh. We alternate shifts at work to look after them and share school runs through the week. We basically have no break at all.

Everytime I meet this friend she tells me how tired she is. Then she tells me how she batch freezes food. I had to blatantly point out to her that I don't have time for batch freezing inbetween work and looking after 3 kids.

She's a lovely friend but its obvious she has no fucking idea what it's like to be REALLY tired and doing parenting without any help from anyone at all DAY IN DAY OUT.


NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Thu 22-Jun-17 19:29:39

Anybody can find parenting tough, there isn't a rule book & it's not a competition.

Steeley113 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:29:59

Stop being such a marytr. I have lots of help and I'm still tired. Parenting is hard regardless.

Nectarines Thu 22-Jun-17 19:30:54

I think everybody finds it hard at times regardless of support available and it's futile to start competing for the entitlement to say you're tired. Parenting is tiring. For everyone.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:31:08


I know people like this and sometimes I do wish I had their life flowers

HateSummer Thu 22-Jun-17 19:32:13

Yes there isn't a rule book and it isn't a competition but when you have obvious support isn't it a bit rude telling someone who has no support whatsoever that you're tired or giving advice about batch freezing food? That's how I'm feeling today.

toolonglurking Thu 22-Jun-17 19:33:01

I get your point HateSummer, we too have absolutely no help at all and it's really bloody tiring. Trouble is, we decided to have kids, therefore they are our responsibility. I do (inwardly) roll my eyes when people bang on about being exhausted when they have loads of support, but the worst thing you can do is compare - it doesn't help anything.

BandeauSally Thu 22-Jun-17 19:33:25

I on the other hand have no support whatsoever and no family around to help me

I wouldn't call a live in partner and parent of the children who is doing the childcare when you work and vice Versa meaning no childcare fees "no support whatsoever"! I'd fucking kill for that!

Steeley113 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:33:56

Not really. She's allowed to be tired. She was trying to help you out with advice.

Igottastartthinkingbee Thu 22-Jun-17 19:34:13

I get where you're coming from. I have no local family to call upon either but I'm a sahm so that makes it more or less relentless depending who you speak to!

RainbowsAndUnicorn Thu 22-Jun-17 19:35:34

I've also found the people who moan most about life/parenting are the ones who palm their kids off as much as they can and do little work.

Next time she moans tell her she'd be even more tired if she actually had to work.

HostaFireAndIce Thu 22-Jun-17 19:35:37

So your DH helps you? YABU You have absolutely no fucking idea how hard it is being a single parent with seven children etc etc. It's not a competition.

LeannePerrins Thu 22-Jun-17 19:35:40

And I imagine that many single parents with no family help will read your post and feel envious that you have a supportive DH who splits parenting duties evenly with you. As PP have said, it isn't a competition.

There is literally nothing to be gained from envying your friend's situation.

blondiebonce Thu 22-Jun-17 19:36:32


Single parents could say the same about you. People with medical conditions etc etc.

Parenting is hard. Yes I'd inwardly roll my eyes at her but it is what it is. Everyone's circumstances are different and some are luckier in some areas than others. Doesn't make a 4am screech-a-thin and a house to clean not really tiring.

HostaFireAndIce Thu 22-Jun-17 19:36:41

But I accept she could go on about it less!

VeuveLilies Thu 22-Jun-17 19:38:13

Er, you have a husband, not really "no support whatsoever"

Helloitsme88 Thu 22-Jun-17 19:38:46

I found it harder being a sahm. Much preferred being back at work. More tiring but not as relentless

Unihorn Thu 22-Jun-17 19:39:58

My parents help us out a lot too but if you look at the week being 168 hours even if she's getting 30-40 hours of help a week she is still with the children those other 130+ hours. Some people see work as a break and may consider you being away from your DVR for however many hours a week as a luxury!

I think you are being a little unreasonable in that you can still find parenting hard. Some people are cut out to be parents more than others. I never thought I'd have children because I never thought I'd be good at it and consequently I still find it quite hard even with support. I probably would be more tactful than to moan about it but maybe she doesn't realise you're struggling?

VeuveLilies Thu 22-Jun-17 19:41:49

She has 2 kids 24/7
You have 3 children and are out at work for a large number of hours

HateSummer Thu 22-Jun-17 19:41:56

This isn't supposed to be offending single parents and i havent mentioned single parents anywhere. The topic is 2 married women and 1 who leaves her kids with her parents whenever she can. The support is referring to grandparent support.

BabsGanoush Thu 22-Jun-17 19:43:32

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 22-Jun-17 19:43:55

It sounds like she might be suffering from depression. As they say you can't judge another until you've walked in their shoes.

I get you're tired, overworked and stressed but cut her some slack

Witchend Thu 22-Jun-17 19:44:16

Depends on your personality and children and circumstances.

I think I've found parenting easier than dsis despite having no family around me and dm does a lot for them as she's local.

fakenamefornow Thu 22-Jun-17 19:44:42

I had three under age three, no family support and was a sthm, I found it easy smile Much easier than working full time as I do now with them all at primary school.

Maybe your friend complains so much and hands children to family because she does find it so hard.

soapboxqueen Thu 22-Jun-17 19:46:02

I think you are missing the point hatesummer. Everyone is different as are the situations they live in. I have full support, I don't work but I also have a child with asd and pda. I don't work because school couldn't cope.

Should we compare how difficult things are? Is my life trickier than yours or vice versa? Is there any real benefit to comparing lives?

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