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AIBU?

To be a tiny bit annoyed people always assume DD is a boy?

77 replies

gandalfspants · 22/06/2017 16:08

Unless she's dressed predominantly in pink?

Ok, I admit I'm not the 'girliest' woman ever and I'm not massively into pink, though she does have some pink clothes.

If she's wearing a blue dinosaur romper then fair enough, but today she was wearing a red and white striped ladybird vest (tiny writing actually says 'little lady' if you get close enough), and a denim look dress. Admittedly you'd have to get close to see it was a dress in the buggy, but do red, white, and denim really shout 'I have a penis'?

I'm really not that bothered (she's only nine months so doesn't care either), and mostly don't even bother correcting people unless they say 'what's his name?' and I just say 'she's xxxx'. At which point some people give me a dirty look like I've deceived them!

But AIBU to wish a tiny bit that people wouldn't assume that any baby not covered in pink must be a boy?

I probably am.

OP posts:
AssassinatedBeauty · 22/06/2017 16:13

YANBU. The flip side is that often my DS is referred to as a girl because he doesn't exclusively wear blue. I like bright multi colours and unisex styling, which confuses some. I also don't bother correcting them but when they realise they nearly always fall over themselves to apologise like they might have mortally offended me. I don't find it offensive that they think he's a girl, I find it sad that they think that.

HopeAndJoy16 · 22/06/2017 16:15

Nope YNBU! I had my DD in a white romper with multicoloured zoo animals on it, and several shop assistants referred to her as a boy despite me correcting them Angry

I hate the rows of pink in shops!

twoheaped · 22/06/2017 16:16

My dd is 10 and is constantly mistaken for a boy.
I am supremely proud that she isn't bothered, will happily tell people she is a girl and rocks a pixie cut.
As a baby she looked like a girl, so not sure how I'd have felt if she was mistaken as a boy at that age.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 22/06/2017 16:17

YANBU, my little ones 8 months and I usually just say "yeh she is thankyou" or a comment like that.
That said she was in a little blue dress the other day and someone asked what "his" name is I told them "her" name and they replied fairly aggressively with "it's a girl? Why's it all in blue if it's a girl?" My jaw dropped and I just stood there as she walked off. Some people are rude if you don't dress your little one in pink lace 24/7, ignore them. My dad said to me that it won't be long until I am wishing people couldn't tell at a glance again so I just keep reminding myself of that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2017 16:20

Anything other than a sea of puke-inducing Gaviscon-coloured frills = boy. It's very odd.

Italiangreyhound · 22/06/2017 16:21

YANBU.

If you want people to know your baby is a baby girl maybe it's best to get in quick that she is a girl because people cannot ask.

So as soon as they engage you could say, she's sleepy or she's very awake and they will know.

I don't think people are saying it because they are mean or anything, they are just wrongly assuming that your baby is a boy.

Mamabear468 · 22/06/2017 16:21

YANBU I had this all the time when DD was a baby, even multiple times off the same people I had previously corrected. I also had one lady who I politely corrected say "Well if you dress her all in blue what do you expect". DD was in denim dungarees and a blue vest, said lady was in blue jeans with a blue jumper she didn't understand why I was so amused by her advice Wink
I also had people assume she was a boy as she had a red travel system, still haven't worked out that logic.
I also don't get what is so difficult asking if they are a boy or a girl or at least what their name is to try and gain a clue. Flowers

WorraLiberty · 22/06/2017 16:23

At which point some people give me a dirty look like I've deceived them!

I doubt it.

They probably just feel a bit awkward about getting it wrong.

givemushypeasachance · 22/06/2017 16:31

Small babies are basically unisex anyway, and people just make assumptions. That's life unless you can drum into society at large not to leap to conclusions about gender based on shorthand like colour of clothing, hair length, etc. I'm tall, broad and have short hair - I still have plenty of strangers assuming I'm a bloke, even with boobs quite apparent.

noodleaddict · 22/06/2017 16:32

Most annoying is when people say 'oh, then why don't you put a bow in her hair or something?' Err, maybe because I think they look stupid and if you wanted to know you could have just asked?!

Larslarslars · 22/06/2017 16:35

People often refer to my 2 year old DS as a girl. I have no idea why, he has short hair and frequently wears blue. People just get it wrong, I wouldn't worry about it.

gandalfspants · 22/06/2017 16:36

Worra maybe, but they must have a very strange confused face.

Confused /embarrassed face I just shrug and say something like 'you can't really tell when they're little can you? 50/50 chance eh?'

Unless she is wearing a blue dinosaur romper, in which case I shrug and say something like 'I just love dinosaurs, couldn't resist it!'.

Maybe they don't like her name, but I've definitely had some wrinkled noses.

I don't really care if strangers think she's a boy, I suppose I just wish everything wasn't so gendered so young in people's heads.

OP posts:
Changedtocovermyass · 22/06/2017 16:36

Meh. People don't pay attention. All of mine have been frequently misidentified. I don't even correct anymore. It only matters to the baby really (and they don't mind when that young). My eldest went through a phase of correcting people age 3. I have adult male friends who are slim and have long hair experience street harrassment. That's more of a problem. But really. Ignore it's a big parenting tool to ignore what strangers say

GoodyGoodyGumdrops · 22/06/2017 16:45

I had a red-haired, rosy-cheeked curly-topped baby (who has morphed into a red-haired, stubble-cheeked Jesus-look-alike).

Even dressed in a navy blue collared shirt and beige chinos he would be mistaken for a girl. Apparently I should have cut his curls off, because they made him look like a girl. At under 12 months. Hmm

gandalfspants · 22/06/2017 16:47

givemushypeasachance

I sent my mum a picture of DD on my lap when she was tiny and got the reply 'awww, sitting with daddy'. Nope, I also wear jeans, checked shirts and converse.

But then my mum regularly tells me I dress like a scruff and my husband will leave me (I think he'd have left a loong time ago if he cared about my lack of 'femininity'), so she is just set to ignore in my brain. Ditto rearranging DD into a more 'ladylike' position on her lap, though we may need to tackle that one before DD is aware of shit like that.

So yeah, strangers thinking she's a boy pretty low down the list or priorities! Hopefully I can raise her to give no fucks, or maybe she'll be a happy stereotype, who knows?

OP posts:
FairyAnn · 22/06/2017 16:47

YANBU at all, it's maddening when shopping for little ones.

I went looking for an outfit for my niece who is only 2 months old. Everything was with blue, pink or white! There were no clothes in green, purple or orange. I managed to find one dress in yellow, thank goodness, as her mum is trying to avoid an overly-pink wardrobe

Nikephorus · 22/06/2017 16:50

If they're wearing blue then I'd risk a "he" and ditto "she" if in pink. Otherwise I'd go with "it" and be hated by everyone Grin

ChocChocPorridge · 22/06/2017 16:54

DS1 got it all the time (big blue eyes with gorgeous eyelashes) - TBH, unless I thought I would run into the person again (or I was trapped and the name was going to be the next question) I just ran with it. Life is too short to worry about which genitals strangers assume my baby has.

SongforSal · 22/06/2017 17:00

YANBU. Don't sweat it.
My Ds is 12, always had shoulder length hair. Up until he was about 8 he was constantly being mistaken for a girl. Every time we go to the hairdressers for a chop, it's a novelty for a week, then he grows it long again for several months! His favourite colour T shirts are pink. I actually asked him in a subtle way a few weeks back if there is any 'stigma' at school on non uniform days. He was totally bemused. Pink on boys is 'cool' now. I think it's the 'oldies' who are fixed in their ways that generally associate colour with gender.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/06/2017 17:01

I wouldn't let it bother you. In the grand scheme of things, any strangers smiling and commenting on your baby are trying to be friendly.

My ds got mistaken for a girl several times as a baby.
On one occasion when I corrected them they replied;

"Oh what a shame. Those beautiful eyelashes are wasted on a boy!" Grin

OddestSock · 22/06/2017 17:02

A woman once had a very long big conversation with me about how gorgeous my son was & what an unusual name he had for a boy (she's called Bella). This was DD1 that day.

To be a tiny bit annoyed people always assume DD is a boy?
PatMullins · 22/06/2017 17:02

DD was confused for a DS
DS is confused for a DD

It doesn't really bother me, I'm not going to change their clothes or hair so they fall into whatever category random people think they should be in.

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GinIsIn · 22/06/2017 17:02

I was told the other day "oh what a beautiful boy you have. He's got a proper boy's face, hasn't he? You must be so pleased." Hmm WTF? Yes - because I would be really worried if my 16 week old didn't look manly enough....

BendydickCuminsnatch · 22/06/2017 17:02

My DS has been called a girl when dressed very boyishly, on more than one occasion recently (he's 2). People just wanna say stuff. It's not a bad thing to be a girl (or in your case boy). Someone also said today 'what a lovely little boy' after they had a chat with him, so it all balances out.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 22/06/2017 17:04

I wouldn't worry too much. My ds was often mistaken for a girl. Apparently he was too pretty to be a boy Grin - takes after his dad (genuinely very pretty man).

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