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AIBU?

Last child free weekend ever and husband wants his mates over - AIBU to fume?

203 replies

Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 09:44

Please let rip if you think I am being unreasonable – I really am struggling to see the wood from the trees in my pregnancy hormone-addled state.

I am 35weeks pregnant with our first, due on 30th July. Unfortunately July is looking quite packed in terms of social engagements – we have various family things booked including a wedding – but the first and last weekends are clear – the last weekend obviously I want to keep free just in case!

My husband has a childhood friend who comes over roughly once a month to get stupidly drunk and watch movies. I have always made the effort to make him feel welcome, make the guest room up and cook them dinner etc. He has asked to come and stay on the first weekend in July – and my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I am absolutely fuming. My reasoning is this: that weekend is literally the last child-free weekend of our lives which we have the opportunity to enjoy together. Admittedly we are not flush at the moment so although I would have liked a weekend babymoon, we may not have been able to go anywhere to stay. But we haven’t spent much quality time together lately and I was hoping to spend the weekend (maybe a day trip or meal out) before we become ships in the night when the baby is born (his words not mine). I explained this to him but he doesn’t seem to care – he is more worried that he won’t see his friend for ages.

I am just so sad that he doesn’t see this last weekend as a precious opportunity to be a couple before the baby is born. Instead, I will have to spend it watching them drinking and being excluded from my own living room (unless I want to watch them playing video games or watch their action movies on maximum volume) when in the evening I don’t have the energy to do much else but sit on the sofa. Also, I don’t really want guests in the house at the moment – I am massive, tired, lazy, spotty - my flatulence is virtually uncontrollable (!) only my scruffy, faded leggings fit me and I just don’t want people in my face!

I have been fuming since last night and have been on the cusp of telling him exactly how I feel – should I? AIBU?

OP posts:
LouHotel · 22/06/2017 09:49

YANBU he asked you and then did it anyone. Many might disagree but the last 6 weeks of pregnancy are tough followed swiftly by the hardest part of parenting (newborn) that i think partners need to put up and shut up out of respect for what their pregnant partners are going through.

LouHotel · 22/06/2017 09:50

However maybe book yourself a spa hotel so you can relax if he refuses to cancel with his friend.

TheWitTank · 22/06/2017 09:50

Tell him to cancel. I wouldn't want pissed people hogging my living room if I felt like shit either.
On the whole "ships in the night, never having a moment together again" thing -seriously its NOT like that. That is overly dramatic. I didn't/don't have on tap childcare and I have never not had one child at home overnight, but I still have quality time with DH. Why are you foreseeing it as doom?!

GlitterRoseGold · 22/06/2017 09:50

Your life isn't over when you have children op.

Perhaps explain how much it means to you and if he disagrees then go take yourself and do something relaxing or pampering as your last (free) weekend. Don't cook or
Prepare anything for his friend

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/06/2017 09:51

Of course you should tell him exactly how you feel. Selfish knobs.

PeaFaceMcgee · 22/06/2017 09:52

And yes to not lifting a finger for them.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/06/2017 09:54

Fucking hell.

I'm sorry but I'd be phoning the friend my self and telling him that there seems to have been some mistake and that YOU are not up to having any guests in YOUR home at this time.

You have every right to decide especially at a time like this that you need to relax in your own home and that entertaining is off limits. The sitting room won't be available because YOU will be relaxing in it.

Your H is an arse.

FizzyGreenWater · 22/06/2017 09:55

And yes you should tell him exactly how you feel. It's not even about the spending time with your H, it's about you saying you don't want visitors. That should be enough.

ArchieStar · 22/06/2017 09:55

Explain to him again how you feel, if he ignores then take yourself away somewhere!

As PP have said, it will not be your last child free weekend ever, life does not stop for kids!

BangkokBlues · 22/06/2017 09:56

YANBU. At. all.

I can't believe he asked you, you said no and he did it any way!

endofthelinefinally · 22/06/2017 09:57

Does he plan to continue this when the baby is born?

wrapsuperstar · 22/06/2017 09:58

Your life might not be over when you have children but I can confidently say my DH and I haven't had a child free evening (out!) or weekend in over 5 years (when our DD1 was born). Sometimes that is just how life works out and whilst it's not forever, 5 years is still a bloody long time.

If I were in your shoes not only would I be gutted at his choice to ignore your well-reasoned plea to keep this weekend for you both, I'd also be concerned that it's a sign of things to come; you left holding the baby while he boozes and games with mates at every opportunity.

Don't make them comfortable or welcome. Take yourself off somewhere nice. Sorry he's being so selfish. Flowers

gamerpigeon · 22/06/2017 10:05

To be honest OP it's much better to get this visit out of the way before the baby arrives! I would let him keep it!

I asked my husband not to have his friends over before the birth and we just spent the weekend wondering when the baby would arrive - he then had them round when the baby was 3 weeks old and it was SO HARD. Cursory look at the baby and then off to do their things, leaving me stuck on the sofa with no support until my parents could pick me up.

Sweatingcobbles · 22/06/2017 10:06

Yanbu.
Can you spend the night at a friend's or family members and do something nice and leave them to cook for themselves?

ChasedByBees · 22/06/2017 10:08

Of course you should tell him how you feel! Why wouldn't you?

user1495451339 · 22/06/2017 10:11

YANBU and when the baby is born he can go and meet his friend in town instead of taking over your house! He has a nerve to go ahead with his plans when you said no. It sounds like you are normally accommodating so I think he is being very unfair especially as you have explained why. Though if this is going ahead, could you do something with friends?

Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 10:13

Thank you all, I feel much better about making a fuss now. I should clarify that if the visit does go ahead, I definitely WILL NOT be cooking for them!

I will obviously be telling him how I feel (I did last night and will raise the issue again today) but it is always nice to know whether you are objectively being reasonable or not first.

And thanks for posters confirming normal life doesn't end after the birth - it does feel a bit like that at the moment as I have no idea what to expect - it is more that we will always be 3 from then on, and I kind of wanted to have a last weekend as a 2.

Thanks all. Will let you know how 'negotiations' pan out!

OP posts:
Libbylove2015 · 22/06/2017 10:13

And am googling pregnancy spa breaks just in case!

OP posts:
Erinys · 22/06/2017 10:14

I would be furious. Any chance you can book a night away with a friend? I definitely wouldn't be cooking/waiting on them and nor would I allow DH in our bed if he's been drinking. My DM still holds the fact that my DF vomited on her (and technically me) when she was eight months pregnant again him (understandably).

I will also add my ds is 2 and we haven't had a night out/meal out as just a couple since the day my waters broke.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/06/2017 10:14

I actually think YABU.

You say yourself your social diary is full so it's not like you don't feel well enough or anything. Your life won't stop once you have baby (wtf is this babymoon lark), you will still have plenty of couple time and to be honest, it's much better he sees his mate before the baby arrives because believe me, that will piss you off even more.

Let him have his night with his mate, you're having a baby, not flying off to the moon :)

runninggranny · 22/06/2017 10:14

Should he really be 'getting stupidly drunk' with his friend, when you only have 4 more weeks to go? Women have been known to go into early labour.
Don't want to be the voice of doom, but it might be something to think about and put to him.
Wishing you well for the birth of your baby. Smile

rightwhine · 22/06/2017 10:15

Going against the grain here but I see it that you have a few more weeks to spend with dh, albeit a busy few weeks. This is dh's last chance for quite a while, to be young, and carefree with his mates. This is assuming he is antucipating concentrating on you and the baby for quite a while after the birth.
Now it's understandable that you don't want someone encroaching in your home and space at this point so yanbu in asking dh to see his friend elsewhere, but I think Yabu a bit, in insisting he stays with you all weekend when th birth is quite a while off.

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FizzyGreenWater · 22/06/2017 10:17

Why is everyone telling OP that she should go away?

She's heavily pregnant and wants to relax IN HER OWN HOME!!

OP I'd be pleanantly pointing out that right now, the sitting room of YOUR JOINT HOME is going to be taken up with a tired, heavily pregnant woman relaxing on the sofa and trying to get rest before the baby is born.

Husband of said woman should be prioritising this, but if he's too selfish to do that, HE'LL have to take his socialising elsewhere.

OliveSoap · 22/06/2017 10:20

Why wouldn't you tell him how you feel? You're both, but especially you, about to do something at best exhausting, at worst like a (temporary) explosion in the middle of your life combined with various forms of sleep-depriving torture. Why prepare for it with a blast of noisy, brain-dead shite?

Also, the friend sounds like a juvenile idiot. I'm saying nothing about your DH...

SapphireStrange · 22/06/2017 10:20

my husband, after asking me and me saying I would rather not this one time, has invited him anyway.

I can't get past this. What an arsehole he's being.

And bollocks to the OP having to go away to avoid them and get some peace! If he must see his mate that weekend, why can't they go somewhere together?

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