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To not ask for a seat on the tubes?

(49 Posts)
PayingMyWayYouSay Wed 21-Jun-17 21:26:46

I'm visibly pregnant and it's quite dire in this heat, especially since I've still got horrendous HG and a split pubic bone.

DFriend was shocked to learn I don't ask for seats on the tube. She says "

Why wouldn't you ask someone perfectly capable of standing to give up their seat, politely?"

My thinking is because not all illnesses are visible, are they? Priority seating isn't just for the pregnant, is it?

I have Lupus syndrome and had a horrendous joint flare around 18 months ago. It was often so painful I'd wince at times. I looked perfectly fit and healthy and would've felt so bad looking at a pregnant lady stand, but none the less wouldn't have given one up if I was in need blush

AIBU about this? No one on the tube really offers seats, and if they do they're usually men!

No offence taken though, or should I be angst like DFriend suggest?

hellobonjour Wed 21-Jun-17 21:32:07

You sound like a bit of a martyr

You would not be unreasonable to ask someone

PayingMyWayYouSay Wed 21-Jun-17 21:34:32

hello But what if they truly need it themselves?

I understand they can say this verbally but others might be a bit hmmand they may feel guilty.

I would hate for anyone to feel ashamed or embarrassed on my account

harderandharder2breathe Wed 21-Jun-17 21:34:53

Get a Baby on Board badge, or ask the room at large rather than an individual

There's no need to be a martyr about it

FleetwoodMacDonalds Wed 21-Jun-17 21:35:34

You know, that is a very thoughtful attitude to have, and it shows a real understanding of the fact that not all disabilities are visible (a fact that so many people can't seem to wind their head around). Maybe if you asked in a more group aspect: say in a clear voice, "Could anybody give up their seat for me, please? I'm struggling to stand". Make eye contact with a few people and I'm sure one will move smile

Sirzy Wed 21-Jun-17 21:36:56

If you don't feel like you need it then don't use it.

If you need it and don't use it then that's a bit daft.

PayingMyWayYouSay Wed 21-Jun-17 21:37:19

Sounds a reasonable way to go about it Fleet, thanks for the suggestion people

ForalltheSaints Wed 21-Jun-17 21:38:16

Badges usually do the trick- someone offers then. There is now one for invisible conditions.

minipie Wed 21-Jun-17 21:38:17

As pp have suggested, why not go for the general statement "Please could anyone offer me a seat?"

PayingMyWayYouSay Wed 21-Jun-17 21:39:29

My only hang up about voicing the carriage was this sweet looking pregnant lady asking politely if she could have a seat.

She got ignored on the packed train and people clearly heard sad

BangkokBlues Wed 21-Jun-17 21:42:34

Badge plus "would anyone be a ken to offer me a seat? Thank you so much!" To a group of two or theee people.

WindyScales Wed 21-Jun-17 21:46:05

I'm sorry you haven't had more people offer you seats. It amazes me how oblivious people are on public transport. I'm actually pregnant myself, but very early days and luckily feeling fine so if I have a seat I look out for people who need a seat. I'm trying to pay into the karmic bank for when I need a seat in the future! grin

dottingcrazy Wed 21-Jun-17 21:46:19

baby on board badge and someone will vacate a seat for you op.

EssentialHummus Wed 21-Jun-17 21:48:56

I find you still need to ask, even with a badge, but so be it. If you need a seat, ask.

Urubu Wed 21-Jun-17 21:50:27

Baby on board, and stand in front of the priority seat.
If it doesn't work ask people directly.

plimsolls Wed 21-Jun-17 21:51:59

Asking for a seat is not the same as demanding someone gets out of their seat.

"Excuse me, would anyone be able to give up their seat?"
"Sorry, not me, I need to use it"
"Ok, thanks anyway"

I don't get all the angst about asking. You don't need to target a specific person, nor just meekly waft a question in to the whole carriage. I used to be able to target a question at a group of about 5 seated people and someone always obliged.

Zipitydooda Wed 21-Jun-17 22:21:15

You must ask. I'm in another world on the tube. Usually reading and would definitely get up but might not notice anyone just standing there looking pregnant.

Spangles1963 Wed 21-Jun-17 22:33:26

IMO you shouldn't have to ask,they should see you and offer. But I am well aware that I'm living in cloud cuckoo land thinking like this. This is one thing that really winds me up. I'm disabled (bad arthritis in many joints and I use a walking stick,sometimes 2). Thankfully,I don't have to use the tube very often,only about 8 times a year at most. But the line I use is ALWAYS heaving as it serves Heathrow airport. I NEVER get offered a seat. I cannot think of one occasion when someone has offered. I know there are hidden disabilities,but when I see I strapping young man sitting in a priority seat,then get off the train carrying an enormous suitcase as if it weighed nothing,I can't help but think there was probably not much physically wrong with him. I won't ask for a seat because I can guarantee that if I did,I'd ask someone with a hidden disability and I'd be made to feel unreasonable. I've come to dread having to travel on the tube. The last time I did it,about a month ago,I was standing all the way from Heathrow to Green Park. That is a lot of stops. I was practically on my knees by the time I got off. I nearly got a seat a few stops after the start of my journey,but was beaten to it by a woman who had just got on,approaching from the other end of the row of seats. The trouble is,I'm not quick enough. And unfortunately,there are always people ready to take advantage of this fact.

I also had a tactic when I was heavily pregnant of calling out as soon as a seat was vacated "Can I have that seat please" as it's easy to bag a seat nobody has yet claimed.

Spangles
X Post
I found the only solution was to be unBritish and very loud and assertive as people are on autopilot and you have to break into their consciousness.

ooohahhh Wed 21-Jun-17 22:39:57

I cannot believe people don't offer shockshock

PinkHeart5911 Wed 21-Jun-17 22:40:37

I would only ask for the seat if I felt I needed to sit down, not just because I am pregnant

Pregnancy is different for everyone some women would find the standing too much especially in the heat. Others would be fine standing

Do of course ask if you feel you need the seat

timeisnotaline Wed 21-Jun-17 22:42:26

Ask. Appreciate you're being sensitive but the enormous majority of people in the priority seats don't need them. I think I said 'if you don't need that seat for some reason could I please have it?' A lady said she had s bad ankle once and I said no worries and asked the next person. I don't expect people to notice because we are all zombies in the commute run!

cheeseandpineapple Wed 21-Jun-17 22:48:47

Having once got it horribly wrong and thought (SWORN!) someone was pregnant when they weren't pls do get a baby on board badge!

I once took a seat on a crowded tube and it was only when I sat down I noticed someone wearing a baby on board badge and then immediately sprang up to offer her my seat. I wouldn't have done if she wasn't wearing the badge in case I was wrong and caused offence.

PayingMyWayYouSay Wed 21-Jun-17 22:50:16

time I can imagine a sassy businessman replying "I do need what I paid for" blush

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