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To hate her

(32 Posts)
Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:27:53

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of a year after I found out he kissed another woman a few weeks ago.

How did I find out? Well, he told me. But only because she posted a flirty message on his fb page and I smelled a rat and confronted him.

She is an childhood friend who he had a huge crush on growing up.

She lives abroad and was in town last month. Asked to meet up with him and then kissed him at the end of the night.

She said I was totally wrong for him and that they should have got together years ago.

According to him she made all the moves and that once she kissed him he knew the chemistry was all wrong.

But she is pursuing him like there's no tomorrow. Insists his family would be thrilled if they finally got together. That it was meant to be even if he doesn't know it yet.

I've told him it's over. And that I'll never do the pick me dance.

Don't get me wrong, I know he is the guilty party. But she knew he had a girlfriend and yet chased him like I don't exist.

AIBU to fucking hate her too?

Starfairylights Tue 20-Jun-17 01:32:11

Like you said he is the one to blame but yanbu to hate her, I would too

LiquidCosh Tue 20-Jun-17 01:34:06

Hate them both OP, its only natural to feel the way that you do but ditch the bf as he was the one with the commitment to you. And for what it's worth, the whole " she came on to me" thing is usually crap but I'm sure you know that anyway flowers

K1092902 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:43:27

Does she know you exist?

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:46:34

Thank you both for your messages.

YY Liquid, I know. Complete BS. That's what I told him too. Takes two to tango and all that.

But I am upset that his entire family thinks she's an angel. And yet she told him not to tell them so that they don't think less of her.

Fucking cow.

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:47:10

K1092902. Yes she knows about me

TheMysteriousJackelope Tue 20-Jun-17 01:51:46

She won't care if you hate her or not. She will care that your ex-partner thinks they have no chemistry. He'll hate having her clinging onto him electronically via Facebook.

I wouldn't like them either, but it does sound like they are each other's punishment.

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:55:36

Good point MysteriousJack. I will keep holding on to that.

He has tried to call me 3 times tonight and I've blocked his number now.

K1092902 Tue 20-Jun-17 01:57:24

Then YADNBU. But if it makes you feel any better- then if they do get together, your ex will do the same to her and she will be feeling like shit when her karma has bitten her on the arse while your moving on with your life.

Don't waste your time over dickheads. Have some wine, buy yourself a treat and find something new to-do with your time and you will eventually see this as irrelevant to your life as a dog shit on the pavwment. I also find shooting hookers on GTA to be great therapy too grin

Look after yourself OP. Here if you need somebody to talk to.

Ginkypig Tue 20-Jun-17 02:05:14

Just keep thinking to yourself and what would have happened if he had felt the chemistry was right!

Neither of them deserve your brain power!

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 02:17:55

I'm hurting so much. I really thought he loved me as much as I loved him.

He's just sent me a long email saying that he's made a huge mistake and that he'll never forgive himself for being weak and succumbing to temptation. That she was his "dream girl" as a teenager and that's why he was confused for a brief moment when she kissed him.

I fucking hate him.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 20-Jun-17 02:26:34

It sounds like you are at school, all this chasing people on Facebook

MickeyRooney Tue 20-Jun-17 02:26:43

Forward his email to your family.

MickeyRooney Tue 20-Jun-17 02:27:05

*his family.

CheeseandGherkins Tue 20-Jun-17 02:30:22

So he said he knew the chemistry was all wrong after he kissed her? Presumably he deleted her from Facebook at that point, so how would she have posted on his wall?

He's still lying.

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 02:32:06

It sounds like you are at school, all this chasing people on Facebook

What are you talking about? Nobody is chasing anyone on Facebook. I saw a flirty message on fb which led to the confrontation and break up with my now ex boyfriend.

Your post is unkind and unhelpful.

CheeseandGherkins Tue 20-Jun-17 02:34:22

After only a year I wouldn't even waste my energy on that crap tbh. If he can't stay faithful for that short a time, you've had a lucky escape.

Disappointed6789 Tue 20-Jun-17 02:38:18

CheeseAndGherkins

No, he didn't delete her. She is an old friend, and is friendly with his family too. She doesn't want them to know they kissed when he was in a relationship with me.

The flirty message was "hi babe, still thinking about what fun we had that night <wink>".

His family would probably think it was innocently playful. Because they think she is an angel. I on the other hand thought it was suspicious. And my suspicions were confirmed.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 20-Jun-17 03:03:09

The only person you are hurting with all this hate is YOU. Resentment will eat you alive and it will get you nowhere. Just LET IT GO. Move on and be the better person. Shit happens and then you go on to better things.

Teabagtits Tue 20-Jun-17 03:26:58

Screw being a better person. Be a real human being with real human feelings just don't let them consume you. Give yourself time to feel anger and hatred, make sure it's aimed st the right person/people then give yourself time to move on.

Atenco Tue 20-Jun-17 04:11:23

Aquamarine1029 Are you a nun?

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 20-Jun-17 04:52:10

Don't blame you for your reaction at all, and what he did was shit. But I can see how he would have been a bit blown away at the thought of his teen wankfodder crush suddenly wanting to kiss him. Interesting that he says there was no chemistry.

BUT if he'd really wanted to do right by you, he should have come straight home and confessed the whole sorry saga, not allowed you to find out the way you did. He gets a brownie point for confessing without prevarication, but only one.

The trouble is that, even if it was a "OMG my teen crush wants me!" moment, and he's regretting it like hell ever since, the fact remains that he gave in to temptation, so is therefore weak.

daisychain01 Tue 20-Jun-17 05:51:17

Yes bollocks to all the holier than thou stuff! Your reaction is justified, Disappointed,

he'll never forgive himself for being weak and succumbing to temptation boohoo. Good, hope he regrets it for the rest of his life. And actually, if he'd had any guts, it wouldn't have been a "temptation" anyway, he'd have said "sorry, I'm with Disappointed, not interested"

CatherineMaitland Tue 20-Jun-17 06:10:19

"She said I was totally wrong for him and that they should have got together years ago.

According to him she made all the moves and that once she kissed him he knew the chemistry was all wrong.

But she is pursuing him like there's no tomorrow. Insists his family would be thrilled if they finally got together. That it was meant to be even if he doesn't know it yet. "

Is this what you've witnessed, or what he's said to you? Because what he's said and what actually happened may be two different things.

fullofhope03 Tue 20-Jun-17 06:13:23

I feel for you OP - TBH, she sounds pretty deranged so his punishment will not only be you having nothing more to do with him; but her [potentially] stalking him.
Sending you a hug and hope everything goes well for you asap, xxx

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