To not want to commit to staying in my mum's house

Bluerose27 · 2017-06-19 21:19:03

Hi, So this is another situation where I'm not sure who's the unreasonable one. My mum is sick and undergoing treatment. I have two sisters, one lives with her, one has moved out in the last year. I am married and have lived away from my mum's house for about 15 years. I live about half an hour away. My other sister is maybe 15 mins away. My sister that lives at home has asked that we set up a rota to visit mum as she feels the burden of care. That's not unreasonable. However she wants us to visit two evenings a week and stay over one night a week. I am pregnant (5 months). My mum had treatment this time last year and I was pregnant then too. I dragged myself over to see her and cook dinner twice a week despite morning sickness, working etc. Unfortunately I lost the baby at 15 weeks last July. I was devastated. It took me two or three months to recover physically and I "recovered" mentally in February when I discovered I was once again pregnant. So 8 months feeling heartbroken, and all the other negative feelings of wondering if I'd be able to have another baby, would this baby live, watching all my friends give birth etc. It was the worst year of my life. When I discovered I was pregnant again my sister (who lives at home) became seriously ill and was in hospital for 6 weeks (I'm the poster from the hospital/car thread if anyone read that). So once again, during my early pregnancy, instead of snuggling up and relaxing on my sofa I was in to the hospital every day. Now thankfully my sister is home. My pregnancy is going well but I am taking aspirin once a day and injecting myself once a day to avoid a recurrence of last time . I have been visiting my mum definitely once a week, often twice a week, bearing in mind I live 30 mins away and work, have a husband and have commitments to his family as well. My sister lives at home. One of the cons of this is she is at home with mum. One of the pros is she's not paying €20,000 in rent each year, never mind bills. Mum doesn't need serious care. She needs cups of tea made, medicine/glass of water brought to her in bed. Dinner handed to her (which my sister is cooking for herself anyway) when she's not feeling great. It's not a bum-wiping, hoisting in and out of bed situation. I'm fine to visit twice a week. Most weeks. I'm not fine with staying over. My sister lives there anyway. I live with my husband. I honestly also quite dislike staying in other people's houses. I'm not happy to commit to one night a week. Am I selfish? Also, I'm pregnant. I want to look after me and my baby. Any opinions welcome. Thanks

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