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To be dreading this holiday?

(93 Posts)
MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 21:59:54

A few months back, my family (and extended family) booked a cottage in the countryside.

Since booking it, my circumstances have changed somewhat. I can no longer afford to go. Of course, this is my problem and so I've struggled to pay my bit so as not effect anyone else going.

My mother is refusing to entertain me not going and laying the guilt on really thick. But I just don't see how it possible or fair to me or my children to go.

It's a dog friendly cottage so my parents are taking their godawful, untrained ball of fleas with them. My eldery, grumpy dog was supposed to be going into kennels. I now can't afford this.

The dog they are taking is aggressive (food aggressive, guarding behaviors and the odd bout of general, unprovoked aggression) towards other dogs. They make no effort to train or curb these issues. If it growls at my dog or attacks my dog, my dog, who is bigger, will kill it. It is that simple. While he's not as bad as their dog and will happily muddle along with well behaved dogs, he does have a mean streak.

I can control my dog but I am not confident that I can control both dogs or that they will put any effort into keeping their dog away from mine.

I also cannot afford to actually do anything while I am there. I am not relishing the prospect of sitting alone in a strange cottage while they're all on days out or at the pub.

It's bring your own alcohol. If I have 2p left in my bank at the end of the week, it's been a good week. I can't afford to bring any alcohol.

And then there's the slight fact that I actually have no clothes. I've been skint for a long, long time. At the time I agreed to the holiday I'd taken on a second job and things were looking up. Sadly, I then had to leave my first job and am back to square one. When I say I have no clothes, what I mean is I have one pair of jeans, three pairs of underwear and two t-shirts. I deal with this at home by washing clothes every evening after I've changed into my PJs and drying my clothes overnight on an airer.

I really do not want to go but every time I mention this I'm reminded how gravely ill my father is and how it is his last holiday and as his oldest child, he desperately wants me there.

AIBU to think I'm going to have a miserable time? and that we're going to set off with two dogs and come back with one

MyOtherNameIsTaken Sat 17-Jun-17 22:02:49

Have you told your mother that you cannot afford to go? I'm assuming that you have and I feel for you. She shouldn't be guilt tripping you into going regardless.

MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 22:06:06

Yes, I've told her, she's insisted I can have a lovely time just sitting in the cottage and that they 'aren't doing much' so I won't be alone 'too often'.

putdownyourphone Sat 17-Jun-17 22:06:34

Surely your parents would rather give you some money than go on holiday and see you struggle? YABU - tell your mum your situation exactly as you've written above

TheAntiBoop Sat 17-Jun-17 22:07:44

Tell her you would love to go but you can't afford xyz. Make it very clear what you can not afford (kennels, booze, trips out). If she wants you to go then she needs to offer to pay the kennels at the very least.

With my family it's always understood that some contribute more than others as that's what we have to do to spend the time together

TheAntiBoop Sat 17-Jun-17 22:08:31

Who is going? If your kids are there you won't be alone and can play in the garden etc. Are there going to be other kids?

MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 22:08:45

My mum would love to give me money. She feeds us all twice a week but she's scrimped and saved for years for this holiday. She's skint too.

iamreginaphalange Sat 17-Jun-17 22:09:28

As others say please tell your mum exactly what you've written on here or simply show her this if you can't/don't want to tell her face to face.
Good luck x

TheAntiBoop Sat 17-Jun-17 22:10:13

I see- that explains why she is being so pushy. Where is it you are going? Are the day trips necessary? Surely it would be better to save on that and spend the time together at the house?

Antigonads Sat 17-Jun-17 22:10:38

What has happened to all your clothes?

MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 22:13:41

They wore out over time, Antigonads. I've been struggling this way for around five years.

Everyone is going, siblings, grandparents, aunt, cousins. There are around sixteen of us.

kittensinmydinner1 Sat 17-Jun-17 22:16:15

So if there are 16 of your relatives going, would they all go out for dinner / off down the pub and leave you there ? How many dcs and what ages are they ?

Antigonads Sat 17-Jun-17 22:17:31

Gosh. What size are you? I have loads of clothes.

Raspberriesaretheonlyfruit Sat 17-Jun-17 22:17:50

Could you spend a night just to show your face? If it's only a short while people may be more inclined to let you have a bottle of theirs.

MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 22:18:57

They're all doing their own their own thing during the day and on an evening, bar one night at the pub, they're sitting in the cottage doing quizzes, BBQ's etc and drinking.

Children range from 1 to 14. The kids will have plenty of other kids to play with when the other kids aren't on days out but AFIAK the other kids have plans most days.

There are some nice walks nearby, so I suppose that could entertain us somewhat and keep my dog away from my parent's dog.

Bluntness100 Sat 17-Jun-17 22:20:58

The main issue here is you have a violent and aggressive dog you think could kill another animal. You do not need to be able to control both dogs, you need to be able to control yours and if you fear it could kill, then you can't control it. You cannot call it off and it won't obey you when it comes to it if you think it could kill?

You cannot blame th other dog for this, Nd you cannot put yours in a situation where this could happen as it would be PTS if it did. As such if you cannot afford to kennel it you can't go.

Doobeedoobeedoo17 Sat 17-Jun-17 22:21:44

What Antigonads said - what size are you...Happy to send clothes

rinabean Sat 17-Jun-17 22:23:37

They're family! Even if they're nearly as skint as you, surely they can all just have 15/16 as much booze as they would have, 15/16 as much on meals and days out as they would have - if they'd not do that for you when you've not bought clothes for 5 years they're not family and I'd not go. If they want you there they can make it happen. I can totally understand that your mum can't pay your share along with hers and your dad's, but it's not just the 3 of you

I just cannot imagine a family that wants to spend a holiday together but won't share with someone who has one bloody set of clothes. Either you are being too ashamed or they are nasty

WanderingTrolley1 Sat 17-Jun-17 22:24:48

Sounds like a nightmare. There's no way you can go on holiday skint!

ItWentInMyEye Sat 17-Jun-17 22:30:54

We often go on a weeks holiday with just enough money for essential food, one meal out maybe and the kids have their own spending money from grandparents. The kids love going on walks with a picnic and we've made so many memories together doing simple relatively cost free things like that. We've also seen more of the area we're in than if we'd have spent loads of money on activities etc. It doesn't have to cost much to go away if you've already covered accommodation. Have you looked on freecycle for some clothes maybe? flowers

Gemini69 Sat 17-Jun-17 22:37:48

I'm of the same opinion of the OP.. I would not go .. putting aside the aggressive dogs belonging to her Parents ... her hardships are clear .. stay at home and save your pennies OP... relax x

Shewhomustgowithoutname Sat 17-Jun-17 22:38:38

I can understand that you feel you cant afford to go on this trip and that the issue of the dogs will be a worry for you. I am concerned about why you and your mum would want to have dogs that you cant rely on your dog to be safe around adults, children and other animals.
This trip was arranged some time ago and you should have been making allowances to put money aside for the event.
I assume that your family are all keen to spend time together and probably the DCs know about the trip. They will be disappointed as will the parents and aunts and uncles who may see this as being possibly the last time they can all be together.
I wonder how much of this is all about the dogs rather than affordability.

MotherOfBleach Sat 17-Jun-17 22:46:29

I'm a size 20 blush crap and stodge is cheaper than salad. I live mainly off fried eggs and bread.

No-one has offered to buy me/take drink/pay for me at the pub but in all fairness, when they go on other family things (meals out locally etc) they all chip in for me.

On the BBQ night my high earner Aunt is going. She's extremely generous, so I imagine on that the entire family will be catered for by her that night.

maudismyfavouritepony Sat 17-Jun-17 22:49:09

I've been there, too broke to take part. It's so hard.

Holiday aside, some good advice here, what size are you, I can send some stuff to tide to over . Seriously. Just say.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 17-Jun-17 22:49:55

How will it be fair on your dc when everyone else has out days planned? And stressing about the dog will drive you nuts!!

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