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I'm not sure why I do this?!

(17 Posts)
PonyPals Fri 16-Jun-17 06:23:40

Don't know if the title is really clear but didn't know how to word it.

I have a DS who is 1.5. He is very sweet natured and smiley and seems to attract a lot of attention - especially from lovely old ladies. Many of them mention how friendly and placid natured he is etc.

But what I have noticed is I do this weird thing where instead of saying Thank you... I start saying things like 'just wait half an hour and you will see what he is really like' or 'he had a good nap that's why he is so quiet'

The thing is... he is placid, that's his nature, so why do I make things up to make him seem different to what he is.
I used to do that a lot when he was a baby as I couldn't relate to what the mothers in the group were going through ( I got lucky and he slept well and hardly cried) so I pretended he didn't sleep and I had the same issues as the rest of the mothers. I guess I understand back then I was trying to fit in but why do I do that now with total strangers.
Don't know what my AIBU is.... it's more a question as to why I am being so weird!!

TidyDancer Fri 16-Jun-17 06:36:39

It's because you're seeing it as a compliment and you're not good at taking them. I'm the same.

BrevilleTron Fri 16-Jun-17 06:37:50

Did your mum do the same with you?
Enjoy him and stop 'excusing' his good behaviour. Trust me once they hit the teens you'll have plenty of legitimate gripes (😉😂😂😭😭)

wewentoutonsunday Fri 16-Jun-17 06:38:33

It's not weird, it's completely normal smile

MoodyOne Fri 16-Jun-17 06:39:09

I'm the same... I think it's so I don't sound too PFB about it all.
He doesn't sleep through though. He is adorable and perfect in most ways. But I can hardly say... oh yes I know he is perfect, it's because he is mine.

DeadGood Fri 16-Jun-17 06:39:24

You don't know how to accept compliments.

Think of a script to follow for future. "Yes, I'm lucky, he's a happy little chap" or whatever. Then practice

LindyHemming Fri 16-Jun-17 06:41:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cantseethewoods Fri 16-Jun-17 06:49:57

I used to do that a lot when he was a baby as I couldn't relate to what the mothers in the group were going through ( I got lucky and he slept well and hardly cried) so I pretended he didn't sleep and I had the same issues as the rest of the mothers.

That was actually a pretty smart tactic. No-one wants to be mum friends with the one with a perfect baby grin

That aside, I think most people are bad at accepting compliments. I used to be the same until one of my friends basically told me that it's kind of rude to the complimenter because it suggests that they dont know what they're talking about in front of others

e.g. "Cantsee is a very good runner".

Me: "Oh no, really, I'm not good at all"

She said if you get embarassed, the stock reply can just be "Thank you, that's very kind of you".

I started doing that and actually, it works a lot better than deflecting.

MariafromMalmo Fri 16-Jun-17 06:51:59

It's not weird, it's completely normal

We'll have to disagree on that.

I must admit this is something I absolutely loathe seeing. My own Mother does this and I just assume that she doesn't want us to hear anything nice about ourselves.

My point OP is that most people here will minimise it, but imagine if a customer gave you good feedback, and your boss cut across them going- "Well next time she'll probably be shit", you would feel upset and angry.

The last thing is- this is not a case of "you can't take a compliment, that's all"; this is a case of you rejecting compliments on your sons behalf.

Palegreenstars Fri 16-Jun-17 07:02:30

Ahhhh I do this with my daughter too. Part of me thinks it's just for something to say to strangers.

I do think it's about taking compliments and wanting to fit in.

LadyBitterSparkles Fri 16-Jun-17 07:11:38

I'm like this too! Sometimes I really try not to deflect the compliment, I end up saying 'thank you! I think so too, but then I'm a bit biased hahaha'. Trying to make a joke out if it but it doesn't really work.

witsender Fri 16-Jun-17 07:11:38

I tend to say something like "oh yes, we're very happy with them"...which tends to get a laugh. But mine are a bit older, I don't think it would be nice to make disparaging comments about them just to make me/others feel more comfortable.

Only1scoop Fri 16-Jun-17 08:12:42

Op I'm exactly the same. Totally hear you and relate entirely.

Whatsername17 Fri 16-Jun-17 08:43:16

It is brilliant that you recognise this. Please try to stop. Say 'I know, I'm really lucky' instead. I say this as a woman who has serious self esteem issues because that was my mums stock reply through out my childhood and teenage years. I was a good kid, but being complimented then having my mum say 'oh Well, you should see her when....' made me feel like I wasn't good enough. She now talks about what an amazing kid I was - she's got no idea how badly it affected me.

PonyPals Fri 16-Jun-17 12:40:35

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I think you are right.. I don't take compliments well and I don't want my son to grow up and think I talk negatively about him coz he is amazing! grin
I will take your advice and just say "thank you, I am very lucky, he is lovely"

kiwiquest Fri 16-Jun-17 13:27:48

My DD was an easy baby. As a toddler she still sleeps like a teenager. She's easy going and sociable. If I get compliments I always just say it's nothing to do with me that's just her personality she's fab. Who knows what challenges she'll have to face in the future with school, employment, relationships. Let's face it life is hard. My view if she's having an easy time of it now just kick back and enjoy it.

Allthebestnamesareused Fri 16-Jun-17 13:51:00

Yes thank you. I am lucky. Let's hope I don't get payback when he is a teenager! (If you feel you need add something). He sounds lovely. Enjoy!

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