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To be very worried about this behaviour?

(300 Posts)
poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 14:43:00

I am worried about my daughters behavioural changes over the past month.

She is 5 and bright and loud to begin with. We have a very stable family life although we have seen some 'big' events over the past month (bridesmaid duty, family holiday, very ill Grandma)

Over the past month we have seen an alarming switch to 'manic and aggressive' with intrusive thoughts.

Manic meaning fidgeting constantly, running everywhere, talking nonsense, not listening or trailing off in the middle of sentences and beginning a new conversation, unable to sleep, impulsive behaviour (stealing food from others plates).

Aggressive being shouting, swearing (in the 'child' sense, think 'shut up' 'stupid. 'hate you!') being violent to myself and her father, going from 0-100 (in terms of calm to raging) and not being able to calm down once she is up a height. She has also kicked the cat in her rage. We have told her we will get rid of him if we even think she might do that again, for his safety.

Intrusive thoughts are mostly about private parts (I'll spare you the details) but essentially the growing realisation that everyone has them, and that she wants to look at everyones all the time. Or saying that she is 'thinking about private parts' all the time. Shes also making up horrible songs/rhymes in her head (and telling us, in guilt) that she can't get out. Shes asking us constantly if we are going to 'tell on her' for every little infraction and believes the police/school are going to get her if she does anything wrong.

The worst ones are the things she has come out with such as 'I want to punch someone to death with my hands' and thinking the recent fire in london was 'really funny'.... I honestly dont know what to do. i think I am going to book an appointment with the GP for a chat as its (her behaviour) has changed so much in such a short period of time.

Has anyone had any experience of this before?
What would you advise?

PeaFaceMcgee Thu 15-Jun-17 14:48:39

Yanbu, GP chat sounds like a good start. Is there any chance she could be being abused by someone? Not suggesting that this is the case, but she reminds me of my cousin who was being abused and threatened by a family member x

TwitterQueen1 Thu 15-Jun-17 14:51:59

Abuse is what sprung to mind for me too. For this behaviour to be so sudden suggests something has happened.

But can I say I have absolutely no experience of what you are going through here so I may be totally wrong.

Shakirasma Thu 15-Jun-17 14:59:11

That is absolutely not normal behaviour so you need to think what could have happened, or is happening to cause it.

To be honest , it's all stuff that I think is pointing to abuse.

poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 15:14:54

Myself and her dad have tried to talk to her in a round about way about abuse.

We always talk about no secrets either.

E.g. Who's private parts have you seen (not in this direct way) and she always replies the same, yours, dads, and her two grandmas. (Btw since this has started we have been careful not to be naked around he as it sets her off- but prior to that we are a fairly comfortable in our nakedness family)

We have also asked in a round about way if anyone unusual has seen hers or asked to see hers. She has said no. TBH this is where our minds went first too.

The only places she is without us is school, after school club and my mums.

She has been playing a very odd 'game' with her friend though which she said she was uncomfortable with. A 'having a baby' game. Her friend is another 5 year old girl. We asked her to stop playing if if it made her feel uncomfortable and offered to speak to the teacher if she wanted us to. She didn't and she told the other girl she didn't want to play. I don't think they have played since.

Groupie123 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:20:35

It could be anything (lots of mental illnesses kick off at 5-7) or it could be nothing. Suggest taking her on holiday for 2 weeks. If her behaviour improves then it's probably the school/her friends & I'd switch everything up.

MissionItsPossible Thu 15-Jun-17 15:24:15

At first I just thought energetic little child but the more I read the more I agree with the others. It's definitely something to be concerned about. I'd take her to doctors/child counsellor?

troodiedoo Thu 15-Jun-17 15:27:33

This rings abuse alarm bells for me too. A phone call to nspcc might be helpful for you.

Also without wishing to alarm you even more, could be brain related. An optician would be able to check if there is anything there that shouldn't be.


Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:29:56

This would be setting alarm bells off for me. What is the other girl like? Is there something going on at school? Is it quite a rough school? Is she particularly exhausted?

Also do you fully trust your partner?

LollipopsandWine Thu 15-Jun-17 15:30:01

As a mother of a child who suffered abuse at the hands of a family member - definitely points to abuse. Sorry OP but yes, please do see a GP and get help!

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:30:44

Eye test is a good start. Also yes possibly brain related so talk to GP

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:31:18

Is she different term time or holidays?

poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 15:31:23

Just been away for a week ( literally came back on Friday) and her behaviour was just as erratic on holiday. That said she was very sleep deprived (mini discos and entertainment on the evenings etc) so we thought it might settle down this week if she had a few early nights and chill out time. This weekend was the worst. Kicking the cat was he apex, and she was sent to bed at 6pm with no story.

School are saying she's fine. No change there. Other family members have noticed (my mum who looks after her mostly after me and her dad)

user1496604328 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:31:39

She's getting this information from somewhere. I think you need to do more investigating of who's around her when she's not with you, what are they saying to her or doing etc. Sounds like something is going on. Quite disturbing for a 5 year old.

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:32:11

Are you still with dad?

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:33:47

Also is she reception year? Year one? It's very exhausting and can be a big jump

user1496604328 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:34:38

Does anyone else visite her grandparents when she is there?

user1496604328 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:35:32

She's seems exposed to alot at such a young age.

poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 15:35:40

School not at all rough, fully trust partner.

Other little girls mum has actually be up at school to tell them (about 4 months ago) that her little girl came out with the word 'sex' and mentioned something about genitals. I haven't asked her anything since as frankly I didn't know if it was any of my business. I think I will tell the school though as the baby 'game' involved giving birth (touching each other's thighs to lift the baby out) and then horrifically 'stamping on the baby so it died' sad

Understandably my daughter felt uncomfortable with this so we had a long talk about it and she said she would tell the other girl she didn't want to play anymore. Which she did and she hasn't since (I've asked)

poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 15:37:39

Yes we live together. At grandmas there is grandma and grumpy (my mums husband) who dote on her and I trust. No one else has access.

I am wondering about afterschool club as it's ran by two men and two women and the two cleaners are men too. Oh this is awful to think about!

steppemum Thu 15-Jun-17 15:38:10

So this started before you went away?
or while you were away?

Who did she see in that week that the behaviour started?

Could she have seen something on TV/screen?

Whenever there is a sudden unexplained change in behaviour it shoudl set off alarm bells.
This does seem pretty unusual.
You sadi Grandma was ill and the only other place she had been was your mums. Is this the same person (ie, is it your mum who has been ill?) Does she spend a lot of time with granny and is now worrying about her?

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:38:22

Can you have a few relaxing days alone together to bond and see if anything comes out verbally?

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:39:35

Could also be a deficiency of some kind

poopsqueak Thu 15-Jun-17 15:40:31

No the behaviour started 3 weeks before the holiday.

Sorry should have explained it is Great grandma who is ill (leukaemia-in hospice to die basically) and it is the mother of a he grandma who usually looks after her.

She is very worried about her great grandma dying. But we have tried to treat her sensitively around that. She is seeing less of her grandma who is caring for the great grandma which is maybe making her feel rejected? I don't know- that's a reach I think.

Squishedstrawberry4 Thu 15-Jun-17 15:40:35

I'd also go the other way and give her lots of attention and make her feel super secure.

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