Gambling, Trust, should I just walk away(7 Posts)
Hi, been married 5 years 2 children and 2 from my previous relationship, the relationship has been rocky many ups and down. I lost someone really close to me, unexpectedly, last year and took it bad, however I'm getting there surely and this aside I have had a great year. I've started university as a mature full time student and received excellent grades, it’s been hard with children and a part time job as my husband helps very little in the house and I have been staying up until stupid o’clock to get my assignments done, but I've got through my first year and can now relax and enjoy my children until September.
My husband on the other hand is causing me problems after a crappy Christmas (the first since losing the person close to me) my husband took me out for the evening we were having a great time until the end of the night , after one too many, he decided to tell me about someone that he really fancied, had done for ages apparently, I walked out of the bar and went home. Next day full of apologies it was the drink talking etc etc usual BS.
When I started University, he suggested that it would be a good idea to have separate finances I had my student loan, part time income, family allowance etc and he had his wages. I have stupidly paid all the bills, rent, childcare, food, things for the kids ever since and now have to increase my hours at work over the summer. We have discussed this, argued about this and he said it would change and he would start contributing more. We had a few letters yesterday regarding his unpaid credit card bills I confronted him about it and said I was now going to take control of all the household income as I am struggling financially and he obviously cannot budget. I found his online banking passwords logged in and discovered he has taken out a massive overdraft (£1000, a lot of money to me as a student with 4 children, and gambled it all away I couldn't believe my eyes and felt sick. Only a couple of weeks ago we had decided to change and make more of an effort in our relationship to make it work, now I don't know what to think!!
Run. Accept that you will get no maintenance from him but that you will be better off without him.
Any man who thinks it acceptable to gamble his wages when he has a family to support is not worth having.
I have 2 DC. I will be in my 5th year or my part time degree. I had no debt nor bad credit.
My (now) XDH was a secret online gambler and at that time the sole earner.
He gambled his entire salary more than once and no amount of trying to lock down the bank accounts and restricting his access worked.
To cover for his lost earnings he got credit cards and payday loans. Some in my name without my knowledge because he had historic account information.
Now I'm on my own with a PT job and I know where each penny is and don't have to worry that the money has vanished over night. I've had to get all new accounts and close the others and change all passwords and pin numbers, including email, just in case he can guess.
He's an otherwise good guy and a loving dad but his recklessness with money and his lying wipes out all of his many good points and he will never, ever change.
My dh is a gambler. A horrible gambler but I stayed with him and worked at it for 15 yrs and now he hasn't gambled for 3 yrs. he is genuinely trying and has made lots of changes to his life and his thinking. Read on.
But but but...even though we seem to have cracked it I would still say I should have left right at the beginning. I love him very much but I will never ever trust him and that's not how a marriage should be. Good luck.
Oh christ, please run!
he's very bad news.
Please do not put yourself through a life of chaos with him.
Thank you for your replies, I think the trust has now gone. I have been trying to make it work for a while now and he seems to do or say one stupid thing after another I think he has pushed me as far as he can, chaos is the last thing I need I have enough on my plate without having to deal with his stupidity as well, it is just hard going through with it. He also has several credit cards I have no access to his statements but hope to god he hasn't been using these for online gambling as well.
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