AIBU at husbands dramatic career change?(239 Posts)
Hi all! Try to keep this short as genuinely cannot work out if iabu - husband has been doing same skilled professional job for 20 years an is about to be made redundant in about 3 months' time - with a lump sum. InitI ally, we were quite excited at the possibility of change , opportunity. We are both 40 this year so it seems like a great chance to just go for it and chase a dream.
This is where it goes a bit wrong - he is a dreamer , not so practical and has always beens protected if you like , by working for a big multinational and all the benefits that brings. (Think good pension, healthcare, flexible time , parental leave paid etc etc) and so I feel he is not thinking things through completely. For instance the ideas he has so far come up with are ; an oven cleaning franchise business, a pop up gin bar , a bouncy castle and inflatable hire business, buying two double decker buses and renting out for school trips ....
For my part , I am hugely risk- averse - I grew up piss-poor and I don't want that for our children . AIBU to want DH to take the safe option of consultancy work in his field his degree and skills are in which pays excellently, and work is plentiful . The downside is that it will usually working away in the week which he is really against. However, this provides financial stability now with the possibility of greater stability in the future?
He says I am too negative and anxious and I am effectively putting down every single idear he has. I think I am a realist and more practical and trying to avoid a disaster? Am I a cow ? Any replies gratefully received ...!
How many months pay is the lump sum? How about an agreement that he will try new ideas for x months (what you can afford) but if not working after that will go back to consultancy.
Do you work? And if so, can you support the family on your income?
Ok got u - so he roughly costs the double decker idea at just over a quarter of his redundancy. But he has no idea about mechanics or running a business or driving a bus !!?? I have run a business which went under and I suppose that has made me worry more ! Have you experience of random business ideas taking off? I suspect it is harder than generally thought. ..
YANBU, he has a family to support.
He could try some of these ideas on retirement but right now they aren't going to pay the bills and for extracurricular opportunities for your children.
There is probably six/half dozen going on.
As a minimum he must draw up a business plan so that he knows what income he can realistically achieve. If it is just "throw money at something" then in two years it will all be gone. But if he has a good idea and a business head on, then it can be the start of a financially stable future.
Laurie I do work but it's a job I love that of course does not pay well . So no , I would not be able to support us unfortunately. Wicker - great idea ! Not sure how easy it is to come out industry , then go back into it. The lump sum is over a years' wages .
There must be a balance that encompasses your desire for lucrative stability (very reasonable) and him not wanting to travel during the week (also reasonable) that does not involve daft small business plans (all examples provided unreasonable and sound fairly miserable to actually do).
What career counselling is being offered as part of his redundancy package? With multinationals there's usually something. Also, get onto headhunting/recruitment agencies to find out what kind of permanant employment options there are.
If you're in london then both the City Business Library and the British Library and IP Centre offer support for starting up businesses and careers workshops too.
If he wants to run a small business he needs a serious, proper plan, or he's going to piss all that money away and end up working a less good job for another multinational IF he's kept his skills up to date.
Personally I think setting up a consultancy now and keeping a weather eye open for a sensible business opportunity is the way forwards.
Hmm. The working away complicates matters. What about some consultancy and some time spent at home working on other ideas?
Are you also reviewing your career?
Working away lots sounds shit so he is not U not to want to do that IMO.
Own business ideas would need proper scoping and planning, and the majority of businesses fail, so it's understandable to be concerned about that.
Have you reviewed finances together and discussed how you will pay the bills?
I think you have as much responsibility as he does to consider ways to earn more.
YABVU so it is ok for you to do a job you love but doesn't pay well but not for him? If money and security is that important to you, why don't you do a job that you like less and that pays more. If he has done 20 years in the same job, surely he should be allowed to explore other options. He can always return to consultancy/paid employment if that doesn't work.
You can't expect him to take a job for money and long time away from family. While on the other hand you don't go for the high power career? Aren't you also a bit of a dreamer then? It goes both ways. It is not like he's sitting on his arse and not contributing. He might be earning similar to you after the down gearing?
Cuppoftea - yes at my most cynical this is how I feel - I in turn feel selfish and then feel that he is ! Like Maria points out - it's 50/50 . But if I even ask him even slightly more probing questions such as - what licences do you need ? Do you need to employ staff ? Have you considered research and business planning ? He gets annoyed that I doubt his abilities. Actually , another bonus is that the company he is leaving is brilliant in that they really take care of them - in the next week he has workshops and seminars on running your own business, marketing , skills market etc etc . It's all part of the redundancy package. Which is really lucky ...! I suppose I just worry !
Depending on where you are the Pop Up Gin Bar could make a fortune; you need to look at liscencing though.
Ask him to sit down and cost out everything - properly. Make him do the research and he may realise that staying in his industry as a consultant is the better option - or he will have demonstrated dedication if he still wants to do the other things. Also good to ask a bank if they would consider the proposals as good business proposals.
Surely the compromise is that he does some consultancy and develops a new business at the same time?
You need to be very clear on what you both need to bring in each month to just cover your bills.
Beyond that, I'd recommend that he "test drive" some of these ideas - find someone who's currently doing something similar to shadow, take a low paid role behind a bar / in a kids' party hire place or similar to see whether day to day it's for him. Otherwise he really can't know.
If you're so risk averse, I'm tended to think you too should be prioritising income potential above doing a low paid job you love.
Is there a reason he can't do consultancy to supplement his start up?
Yes - good point about my job . Exactly the honest perspective I need . I love my job wherever I do it but as it is involved with animals and it is all I have ever done too I am simply not able to earn more anywhere unless I leave the profession. I would be prepared to leave to help with the business once it is running well enough to support us both . And it is also a great point about him working away. That is a big ask I think you are right. I am trying to think how I would feel if it was me .
It could almost be interpreted that you want him to do a job that he dislikes in order that you can carry on doing a job that you love.
What's in it for him?
Have to say that I think you should be thinking about improving your income as well, rather than just putting the breadwinning on his shoulders. seems unfair that you stay in a low income job you love while he's pushed into working away in something he doesn't want to do.
Is there some compromise where he could do some consultancy or look for a part-time job with a steady income to go alongside his start-up, until he proves it's a goer?
running your own business is bloody hard work. much, much harder work than I had imagined. its not just a matter of getting a website and waiting for the bookings to flood in!
It can be 24/7. you have to be the first to respond to the e mails, the first to set up meetings at your clients time of choosing and you have to be incredibly flexible especially when you first start up.
failure to realise all of these things is why so many businesses fail in the first two years and especially fail because people are used to the 9-5 type routine.
I completely agree with test driving some businesses first so he can see that it isn't a piece of cake. He needs to realise that certainly for the first year he is the one going to be doing all the work - whether that's running the bar or oven cleaning, its down to him.
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