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AIBU about parent friend who told DD 'why all the children at school don't like her'.

(140 Posts)
windygallows Mon 12-Jun-17 21:54:57

Friend/parent from school were recently together with our 10 year old DCs; her DD is at school with my DD. Friend was talking about a particular tricky experience and my DD chimed in to talk about a similar experience she'd had. DD was just trying to add to the conversation but probably was trying to put a bit of the focus on her - she is just young so doesn't always understand reciprocity in conversations.

Friend/parent turned to DD and said 'You need to stop doing that. When you butt in and turn someone else's story into your story, you discount them and what they were saying. You do this all the time and this is why the children at school don't like you.'

DD welled up and turned away while I sat there gobsmacked. Clearly the parent had learned from her own child that this was something my DD does that is problematic, but I'm pretty sure 'all the children at school' don't dislike her. More importantly if this is an issue it's not really for a 50 year old woman to tell my DD; a quiet word with me would have been better so I could raise it with my DD. I can't imagine ever saying anything similar to her child. That sort of thing really stings.

Days later I'm still fuming about it. AIBU to be so cross about this? or should I just let it go.

Didyoumeantobesorude1 Mon 12-Jun-17 21:56:41

Your poor DD. I wouldn't be maintaining that friendship.

LorLorr2 Mon 12-Jun-17 21:56:43

Of course YANBU!

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Mon 12-Jun-17 21:56:47

What an awful thing to say to a little girl! Yanbu but did you stick up for dd at the time?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel Mon 12-Jun-17 21:56:56

Awful, awful. You're not wrong to be fuming at all.

CauliflowerSqueeze Mon 12-Jun-17 21:57:09

Woman is a spiteful bitch. Really mean. How dare she.

It's for you to have a think about whether or not the content of what she said might be fair, but the way she did it was really horrible.

witsender Mon 12-Jun-17 21:58:06

Did you say anything?! I'd have been horrified! What a horrible thing to say

DeadGood Mon 12-Jun-17 21:58:38

Christ almighty OP, did you seriously just sit there and let her speak to your child that way?

claraschu Mon 12-Jun-17 21:58:51

That is horrible. You have every right to be outraged and furious. Please tell your daughter that that woman is the one with the problem; that is the kind of thing that a child could hold on to and feel bad about sad.

Popfan Mon 12-Jun-17 21:59:00

How awful - what did you say to her?

Popfan Mon 12-Jun-17 21:59:22

The mother I mean

user1496604328 Mon 12-Jun-17 21:59:38

What a horrible person. Did you step in there and then?
How awful.

thebear1 Mon 12-Jun-17 22:00:38

Awful, but what did you say at the time?

SteppingOnToes Mon 12-Jun-17 22:00:55

What a spiteful bitch! What your DD does is what I do and it does piss people off though sad People see it as one up-manship, when really it is just giving examples to show you can empathise.

Osolea Mon 12-Jun-17 22:01:18

She was out of order to say that all ten children at school don't like her. That's just a horrible thing to say, and it's no wonder your dad was upset.

I don't think it's wrong to tell a child they shouldn't butt in to conversations and be dismissive of what someone else is saying. When you say dd 'chimed in' do you mean interrupted? Because I'd tell a child that they shouldn't interrupt if I were the one being interrupted.

Mediumred Mon 12-Jun-17 22:01:20

That is a terrible, bitchy thing for a grown woman to say to a child, I'm not surprised you are fuming. I cannot believe she would speak that way to a primary-aged child, their default is to be a bit self-obsessed because they are CHILDREN! What's her excuse?

Even if she'd said something like 'oh no, that's hard, sweetie, I'll just finish telling your mum what happened to me.' There was no reason to shut her down so viciously.

Also that she spoke that way in front of you, surely she must have known she was well out of order!

AfunaMbatata Mon 12-Jun-17 22:02:00

Hope you told her to back the fuck off from your DD.

troodiedoo Mon 12-Jun-17 22:02:09

Your poor dd. Even if there is truth in it you'd have to be a special kind of cunt to speak to a child like that. Shocking.

DontLetMeBeMisunderstood Mon 12-Jun-17 22:02:19

That's awful and I'd have to contact her and tell her how upsetting that is to say to a kid. And sharing a similar experience can be about empathising - she, as the adult in the conversation, could have helped to turn it that way. Sounds like she has her own issues about this but that's no excuse.

CondensedMilkSarnies Mon 12-Jun-17 22:02:49

She's 10 !! Of course a child of 10 doesn't understand the subtleties of conversation!

What a horrible thing to say .

HangingRock Mon 12-Jun-17 22:05:43

How fucking nasty. Your poor dd. You need to say something.
Adding to a conversation by sharing your own relevant experience is a completely normal thing to do at any age, but is especially ok at only ten when you have a way to go before having perfected your social skills.

troodiedoo Mon 12-Jun-17 22:06:15

Don't beat yourself up if you said nothing at the time, I can imagine you were floored and speechless. But please speak to your dd and this woman.

WellThatSucks Mon 12-Jun-17 22:06:19

I hope you pulled this woman up and told her she was outrageously out of line, OP, because if you just sat there and let her get away with that you're as bad as she was. It doesn't matter if your dd does have a problem with making conversations all about her - there are ways of addressing that which don't involve telling a 10 yr old no one likes her. WTF?

Calyrical Mon 12-Jun-17 22:07:21

I think you need to explain to your DD just how wrong what this woman said was. Otherwise your silence is agreeing with it. As adults, we understand sometimes you're just too shocked to retort but your daughter won't see that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 12-Jun-17 22:08:29

No YANBU and No you don't just let it go. You don't speak to her kid like shit. What Gives her free reign to do it to your child.
Any criticism of a child. The parents do it.
I'm afraid that'd be the end of the friendship for me. In fact. Its rather disloyal to your dd if you do maintain. The friendship.
If she'd have said. Dont Interrupt sweet heart. It isn't nice. That would have been okay, but to deliberately upset her. That's a very low blow

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