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Not to go to DN's 1st Birthday

(36 Posts)
Meowstro Mon 12-Jun-17 19:41:58

I'm pregnant with my first and will be 35 weeks when DN is due to have his first birthday party. It will be 250 miles away where my ILs live so it will be a 5 hour car journey to get there. I'm consultant led, I've had a number of issues throughout my pregnancy and I'm concerned about traveling that far when I'm so far along. I've spoken to my DH and encouraged him to go if he wants to which he seemed OK with but we haven't said anything to BIL and SIL yet. I wondered if I'm BU before we have that conversation with them.

StumpyScot92 Mon 12-Jun-17 19:44:23

I definitely wouldn't expect a heavily pregnant lady who had a difficult pregnancy to travel that far, plus he'll be too young to notice. Send a nice card with some sentiment so it shows you wish you could have been there but any reasonable person would understand.

ffsnotthisagain Mon 12-Jun-17 19:45:22

I'd say see how you feel on the day. Tell them your dh will def be there and you will be with him providing you are feeling well.
You will probably be grand. And you will get lots of warnings of the baby is ready to arrive.
Generally people tend to go overdue with their first so the chances of anything dramatic happening are low.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon Mon 12-Jun-17 19:48:28

If it was in the same town then I would say go but 250 miles away is quite a journey when you're that pregnant (think of the pee breaks).
I'm sure sil and bil will understand having been that far pregnant last year

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Mon 12-Jun-17 19:55:15

I'd say nothing yet and see how you feel, you could have another 5-6 weeks before giving birth at that point.

Maiz7654 Mon 12-Jun-17 19:58:06

My daughter is 6 weeks old now, personally I couldn't have travelled that far in a car at 35 weeks. I gave up work at 34 weeks because I was so uncomfortable.

IHaveACrapCat Mon 12-Jun-17 20:04:14

YADNBU!!! I'd never expect a sibling or their partner to travel that far, in those circumstances, for a first birthday!

If they lived in same town then YWBU.

If they don't fully understand then they're knobs

FrancesHaHa Mon 12-Jun-17 20:06:48

I wouldn't expect anyone to travel that far for a 1st birthday party. I mean its nice if people can come, but it's not like the child even remembers it. I'd send a nice card and present.

Justanothernameonthepage Mon 12-Jun-17 20:11:12

I had this exact dilemma and didn't go. None of my in-laws (apart from MIL) have visited my DS for his birthdays (3 so far). No idea if they are making a point or not, but it's a relief not having to worry about DNs Birthdays.

Alittlepotofrosie Mon 12-Jun-17 20:12:30

No way would i go. Send a decent gift and a card well ahead of time.

Thatextrainch Mon 12-Jun-17 20:13:28

I couldn't have done it at 35 weeks. I cancelled a holiday at that stage with about the same distance drive because I couldn't bare to sit in a car for longer than 20 minutes. I also had an absolutely fine pregnancy (!)

RedPanda25 Mon 12-Jun-17 20:49:47

I think I would see how I felt nearer the time but if I didn't feel I was upto going, I wouldn't. I agree with warning them that you may not attend depending on how you feel.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 12-Jun-17 21:00:46

I don't think I'd go, it's a long way. Although child won't care for some parents the 1st Birthday is as big a deal as a christening.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 12-Jun-17 21:03:59

I've just looked and I went 135 miles at 32.5 weeks pregnant and 110 miles at 33.5 weeks pregnant, both got residential courses that were difficult to get out of. That was far enough in a fairly unremarkable pregnancy.

HeddaGarbled Mon 12-Jun-17 21:13:30

I wouldn't go. The distance is enough of a factor without your added advanced and difficult pregnancy. Weddings, funerals and golden wedding anniversaries justify journeys of that length, children's birthday parties don't.

Chewiecat Mon 12-Jun-17 21:14:59

Yanbu I stopped all non essential long distance travel at 35-36 weeks. I was so uncomfortable and heavy, plus I didn't want to be accidentally caught out and have to give birth somewhere else! Your in laws will totally understand

Ragwort Mon 12-Jun-17 21:15:08

Do people really travel 250 miles to go to a one year old's birthday party shock.

I think I only ever went to one of my DNephews/DNeices first birthday party - and that was a five mile round trip. grin.

RandomMess Mon 12-Jun-17 21:16:50

When I was pregnant with DC4 I did a 125 mile trip each way at 41 weeks and I was utterly fine...

However, that was me and my pregnancy and I felt well enough! This is you and you're not feeling great so don't go, you can facetime, you can send a thoughtful gift, you really won't be missed IMHO.

MothQuandary Mon 12-Jun-17 21:20:22

Definitely don't go. The idea of expecting anyone to travel to a child's FIRST birthday is absolutely ridiculous! My 3 didn't even have first birthday parties (other than a very tiny tea party for DCs 2&3, but purely for the benefit of the older children). Jesus. What's the point?! Birthday parties are a pain in the arse. Why would you bother doing one for someone who has no idea what a birthday (or a party) is? Bonkers.

Redsippycup Mon 12-Jun-17 21:22:30

I wouldn't have been able to do a car journey like that when i was pregnant - it was so bloody uncomfortable. Jesus it's making my coccyx ache just thinking about it!

As they only had their DS a year ago, they will probably understand. It seems to take a bit longer for people who are that way inclined to get to the 'oh, I climbed a mountain / swam an ocean at 42 weeks - what do you mean you can't wallpaper your ceilings etc etc' mindset. (sorry, slight derail, i am now back in my box blush )

Xmasbaby11 Mon 12-Jun-17 21:22:33


I probably wouldn't go even if I wasn't pregnant. That's too far for a short trip!

Moanyoldcow Mon 12-Jun-17 21:25:45

I wouldn't care at all if I were your BIL/SIL, especially if your DH goes. My son's first birthday was just a party for grown ups with added mayhem - I'm sure they'll understand.

Just get your DH to bring you cake...

Applesandpears23 Mon 12-Jun-17 21:34:08

I wouldn't want to go that far at that stage of pregnancy and I wouldn't expect your partner to go either.

TeenAndTween Mon 12-Jun-17 21:34:55

I'm not sure I'd do it for a first birthday even when not pregnant.

MrsDanversKnickers Mon 12-Jun-17 21:39:23

Yanbu, travelling 250 miles to a one year old's party is batshit crazy, even without being 35 weeks pregnant.

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