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To wish a plague of biblical proprtions upon the person sat next to me right now

(33 Posts)
newnameoldme Mon 12-Jun-17 17:19:27

Ive had to learn to be tolerant as i sit watching my dd at her classes.. a lot of parents..a lot of small babies and toddlers squashed into an observation area with nothing to do but tantrum and talk Shite

This woman is making me murderous.. she's sat so close I'm tilting my phone screen to write.. she's been slurping rattling crunching slurping a freeze pop thing for 10 mins.. whilst noisily flicking through a magazine and making phonecall.
Horrible whiney voice

I'm wishing a plague of boils erupts on her bum

FreeNiki Mon 12-Jun-17 17:31:42

She's having a drink making a call and looking at a magazine.

Chill out.

Ginslinger Mon 12-Jun-17 17:33:42

she's being noisy and invading your space - kill

punicorn Mon 12-Jun-17 17:36:54

Start talking to yourself with a mad look in your eye - she'll soon move away!

roundtable Mon 12-Jun-17 17:38:50

Fart and burp repeatedly.

Make sure you lift the bum cheek closest to her.


mumblechum0 Mon 12-Jun-17 17:38:51

Making phone calls in public never acceptable if over 30 seconds.
Slurping ditto.


thecatsarecrazy Mon 12-Jun-17 17:41:26

I went to a mum and baby group earlier. Wont be going again

BandeauSally Mon 12-Jun-17 17:43:26

Elbows. Pointy elbows. Jabby jabby.

tccat Mon 12-Jun-17 17:54:14

Kill her

WellThatSucks Mon 12-Jun-17 18:09:48

Agree with pps, your only option is to kill her then leave her bloody corpse suspended from a light fitting with a sign around her neck listing her crimes as a warning to others.

Nikephorus Mon 12-Jun-17 18:28:48

You need to talk to the voices in your head - the ones telling you to stab someone - "Please don't make me stab her" "I don't want to keep doing bad things" "Don't make me hurt her"... The fun you could have. Okay so you could never go back but even so grin

Andrewofgg Mon 12-Jun-17 18:32:58

I hope the boils aren't contagious.

PhyllisNights Mon 12-Jun-17 18:41:15

For goodness sake, OP. Wish a plague on a murderer, not some innocent person who is unknowingly irritating you in public. If you don't like it then stay at home.

I can't wait to give birth and take my baby to classes. I'm looking forward to making friends with the mothers.

BandeauSally Mon 12-Jun-17 18:47:21

Wish a plague on a murderer, not some innocent person who is unknowingly irritating you in public.

grin you do realise it doesn't actually cause a plague when you wish it in someone. Don't you? It's not a real thing.

FreeNiki Mon 12-Jun-17 18:51:42

This is why I have an iPod with noise cancelling ear phones.

No one bothers me as I cant hear them.

originalbiglymavis Mon 12-Jun-17 18:52:05

Phyllis, oh Phyllis
Ahahahahahaaaaaa! You are so funny. Come back in a few months and let us know all about your lovely new mummy friend.

fruitbats Mon 12-Jun-17 18:55:31

Phyllis! I was only today thinking that I hadn't seen your pearls of wisdom you about

SantanicoPandemonium Mon 12-Jun-17 18:58:33

I was sat on a train once across from this man who was eating an ice lolly like he was giving it a blow job - I've never heard the like of it! Eventually the guy next to him leaned in really close and told him 'that sounds delicious, can I get in on it'. There was a few seconds of awkward silence and then the ice lolly dude got up and moved.

Every time I hear someone eating, I think of that and it makes me smile grin

newnameoldme Mon 12-Jun-17 19:02:02

Haaa! Youve all made me laugh.. she got much worse.. 20 rattly minutes eating a kit kat 1 loud at a time.. more phonecalls.. incessant heavy sighing

originalbiglymavis Mon 12-Jun-17 19:12:18

If you start stroking her arm she might move. Or punch you.

BandeauSally Mon 12-Jun-17 19:16:19

Eventually the guy next to him leaned in really close and told him 'that sounds delicious, can I get in on it'.

I had an ex who would do things like this! Always mortified me but hilarious and the same time grin

Booboostwo Mon 12-Jun-17 19:49:40

YANBU and I hope she passes the plague to the guy 'behind' me at the queue, who was standing next to me, swearing at the very existence of the queue (I'm in France, swearing is more socially acceptable), jabbing me with his stuff and coughing all over my face. He muscled in as I was finishing paying and asked to fill in a loyalty card application - a 20 minute job if there ever was one, oh the irony!

BuzzKillington Mon 12-Jun-17 19:51:27

There isn't a court in the land that would convict you for murdering her once you'd presented your defence.

user1492287253 Mon 12-Jun-17 22:56:04

is it swimming? cos i hear ya. when we decided to have a 3rd child my only caveat was that i wasnt taking it to swimming lessons. cos the wait in the overcrowded over hot waiting area was matched only by the feckers in the changing rooms and the woman on reception who acted like she had the keys to the golden kingdom rather than a pool and 2 squash courts.

Shellsandstones1 Mon 12-Jun-17 23:00:32

Slide your arm around her shoulders and whisper "I'm going to tell you all about Jesus!"


(No offence to Christians there)

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