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AIBU in wondering why...

(29 Posts)
IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 09:49:22

My DH finds rape jokes funny? Or sexual assault against women.

For example, he's watching The Office US and the boss said something like "mistletoe isn't an excuse for sexual assault" and he found it hilarious.

If we're watching TV or a comedy series and there are similar jokes, they are generally the only ones he finds amusing. Same with Internet memes and jokes online.

He's never shown any signs of sexual abuse, nothing in his past, nothing to me. I HATE rape jokes, they're vile and derogatory - why do they make him laugh?!

pinkyredrose Sun 11-Jun-17 09:50:26

He's a misogynist?

AfunaMbatata Sun 11-Jun-17 09:52:32

Dark humour?

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 11-Jun-17 09:52:44

He's a mysoginistic twat who believes women's sole purpose is to please men sexually. HTH

IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 09:55:12

He doesn't though. He's not misogynistic at all - in fact he's quite the opposite. He's not the main breadwinner, he does all the housework, he is now my carer. He treats women in real life with the utmost of respect and fights for equality in the workplace etc. That's why I don't understand it at all.

IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 09:55:44

Again, sexually he's selfless and wants to please me.

Decaffstilltastesweird Sun 11-Jun-17 09:56:27

Nervous laughter? Doesn't explain the memes though... don't know (not helpful sorry).

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 11-Jun-17 09:57:57

Would he laugh if it was a derogatory joke about men and sexually abusing them? Or children?

carjacker1985 Sun 11-Jun-17 09:58:16

You can be a nice guy and still be a misogynist. Rape jokes perpetuate and normalise rape culture and shouldn't be laughed at.

IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 10:03:24

Yes, male rape jokes he laughs at too. I haven't ever come across one about children tbh.

I have asked him why and he says he doesn't know and "they're just funny". He said other people must find them funny too or they wouldn't write the jokes. He has a couple of friends of the same mindset.

I don't see anything mysogynistic in him at all other than this, but I totally agree Cara. They should not in any circumstances be laughed at.

OwlsinTowls Sun 11-Jun-17 10:22:10

I laugh at them. I'm a woman.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 11-Jun-17 10:31:02

I can't laugh at them. Jokes about rape are vile! I reported one on Facebook that was a toolkit to get a woman to sleep with you and it just contained the things needed to tie her up and gag her. Facebook claimed it wasn't offensive! This is why rape culture and rape apologists are accepted!

pinkyredrose Sun 11-Jun-17 11:49:22

Owls why do u think rape jokes are funny?

OwlsinTowls Sun 11-Jun-17 12:26:37


I don't know. Sometimes I hear one and I laugh, other times I don't. Depends on the joke. But then nothing is "off-limits" in the realm of jokes imo. I've always liked jokes that shock you or slightly disgust you.

IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 13:28:45

Yes, DH enjoyed playing Cards against Humanity once.

ThePants999 Sun 11-Jun-17 14:10:32

Anyone who looks askew at someone else's sense of humour is being massively U IMO. Nobody gets to judge what is and isn't funny in an absolute sense, only what they find funny. Hell, I've laughed at my share of dead baby jokes, and I HAVE a baby - from some of the people here, you'd think I'm harbouring a secret desire to kill my own kid or something.

ThePants999 Sun 11-Jun-17 14:13:18

Cards Against Humanity is fantastic, FWIW. And also highly popular, showing this isn't some niche, perverted opinion.

VladmirsPoutine Sun 11-Jun-17 14:14:02

I don't think anyone gets to be self-appointed humour police.
I honestly think the joke in question (in your OP), is rather tame. But this is MN after all.

RedheadLover Sun 11-Jun-17 14:29:59

Yeah, I hate rape jokes too. They're usually inherently sexist and can exacerbate sexist attitudes in those who hear them.

No doubt many will say YABU as 'they're only jokes'. However, as rape jokes perpetuate patriarchal norms they are certainly not harmless.

Having said that, I'm not sure what you can do to stop your DH from finding them funny, other than explain how morally repugnant and offensive they are.

IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 14:34:01

Yeah, I can totally see that it's not OK to police what someone else finds funny, that's fair enough. I just find it hard to understand why rape is funny but then lots of jokes are offensive so it's all much of a muchness.

That one is quite tame - I couldn't think of another recent example. He said he laughed at someone who had put on Facebook that they were "sweating like a paedo in Toys R Us" which I also didn't find funny in the slightest.

He knows I hate rape jokes. He doesn't make them, just laughs at them so it's not really something I can do anything about.

It's interesting to see other people's opinions, thank you smile

AnnieOH1 Sun 11-Jun-17 14:43:17

I think you've missed the humour entirely; its a scene with Andy, Jim and Dwight - Andy says the line in question and I really fail to see where offence could be taken if you knew the show..

hellobonjour Sun 11-Jun-17 18:50:36

I agree with owls

metspengler Sun 11-Jun-17 18:54:14

Either YABU, or laughing at the jokes in the office makes you a misogynist.


IntheBenefitTrap Sun 11-Jun-17 19:02:30

I said he's not mysogynistic smile

PunkrockerGirl Sun 11-Jun-17 22:33:40

My DH finds rape jokes funny? Or sexual assault against women
And this is from the poster who can't understand why women have a problem with men rocking up in female changing rooms.
He's a misogynist, entitled twat. And you're enabling him every step of the way. I hope you're proud.

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