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To feel a bit strange about DH on a stag do?

(5 Posts)
MPFP Sat 10-Jun-17 14:57:34

My DH is on a stag-do this weekend. As far as I know it's not a 'lads lads lads' type of stag-do but a private tasting at a distillery followed by watching the Eng. v Scot. game.

About ten years ago my 'first love' went on a similar weekend in my hometown, and when he came back I noticed a receipt in his jeans for £400+ for a club I didn't recognise the name of. I joked with him, saying I was surprised he survived that much alcohol and could understand his massive hangover! I was pleased he'd had a good night.

Of course, the club turned out to be a strip club and he'd had private dances and who knows what else. I am not supportive of strip clubs at all, and my ex-DP knew that I would feel he'd crossed a line. I only found out because I accidentally overheard him whispering/laughing about it with his friends on the phone. I was very hurt and upset, and the relationship limped on for another miserable year without any real trust. When it ended it took me two years to get over it fully.

Now, I do trust my DH. We've been married for three years, together for five, and I have no reason whatsoever to worry.

But, very irrationally, I am feeling very strange - I think the circumstances of this trip have revived my memories of what happened before, and whilst I'm trying to get over myself I am struggling a bit! I know if I texted DH he would reassure me immediately, but I'm determined not to do that - he works hard, it's rare he gets to spend time with his friends, and this is his time to have fun. I do not want to ruin that for him with my needs. I think he'd also worry I'm going a bit mad because I've never worried about this kind of thing before in our time together and have never needed to!

But at the same time, I remember feeling this way about my ex-DP before he went out and did what he did. AIBU to be feeling a bit strange about this stag-do? I don't tend to worry about things until they actually happen - but for some reason this has bothered me a little bit. Am I being unreasonable to feel unsettled?

user1471548375 Sat 10-Jun-17 15:02:01

Not unreasonable to feel strange, although would be unreasonable to assume DH would do the same.

Axissyrr Sat 10-Jun-17 15:15:30

YANBU to worry about what will happen.
YWBVU if you accuse him of something after the stag do.

Try and relax a little, put your feet up, have a bottle of wine or two, and watch a movie. I'm sure everything will work out fine, and you'll both have lovely nights grin.

Offherhead Sat 10-Jun-17 16:09:37

Of course this would bring up those feelings of betrayal and hurt. Take care of yourself and spend sometime with friends, maybe let them know you're feeling vulnerable over this. flowers

MPFP Sat 10-Jun-17 21:09:05

Thank you very much smile. It's good to know I'm not being a lunatic to feel this way. I got on with repainting the radiator to tire myself out, and have wine and pizza on the way!

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