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House rules for 18 yo?

(41 Posts)
princeporter Fri 09-Jun-17 21:29:59

Please can someone settle this debate about who is BU? Do your 18+ kids who still live at home have house rules? DS can't start an access course until he is 19, the extended diploma doesn't offer what he wants so can't start that this year. He is going to take a year off and start it when he's 19. I've said fine but you can't lay in bed all day. I've said that if he will be doing nothing, he can absolutely share housework with me. DH does 6 days a week working and the school run for younger DC on his way to work and I'm only part time so more than happy to do the housework.

I've always been fair to DS, he just needs to makes sure his washing is in wash bin and it'll all be done, being plates to kitchen, etc. if kept tidy, I'll Hoover. Due to him being so busy with his A Levels. However, if he's at home full time for a year, he can have those rules can't he? That we split a lot of the housework?? He has a very small business (artwork) and doesn't take much in that often and if he does, not too much. He won't get a job because he says he will keep doing his art until then but the reality is, it isn't selling amazingly well.

AIBU?

BackforGood Fri 09-Jun-17 21:36:25

Of course YANBU, although I suspect it will be harder to train him if he's not been expected to do things until now.

I would also be turfing him out into the world of work. He can still do art work and work. What is he expecting to live off? Pay his phone bill with? Use to go out occasionally ? Buy his art materials ?

BackforGood Fri 09-Jun-17 21:36:50

(Yes, I have an 18 yr old and a just about to be 21 yr old)

NC4now Fri 09-Jun-17 21:38:38

He needs to get a job! Art can be a great sideline but he needs to be paying his way.

NapQueen Fri 09-Jun-17 21:39:35

I had house rules on me when I was 18.

*let me know if you leave the house - come say bye
*text if you wont be home overnight so I know you arent "missing" in the morning
*clear up after yourself, Im not a maid
*one meal is cooked and a portion left for you to eat if you want it. If you know you wont be in, text me. If you want any fancy food buy it yourself.
*full time education or a job. No alternative. If you arent in education you pay board.
*the only thing we will fund is driving lessons. You want money you work for it.

Served me very well, and its sometbing I will echo with my own.

Broccolirevolution Fri 09-Jun-17 21:41:19

Your 18 year old DS does less than my 8 year old DS! And even then I count DS housework as a token gesture e.g. putting dirty clothes in the laundry is not really housework.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:44:51

As parents ours our responsibility to prepare them for the real world. And that means establishing good housework routines and skills.

I'd expect him to food shop and cook twice a week. On non cooking days he should be washing up and cleaning all the floors or loos. Also putting his own washing through and drying it.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:46:21

It's sounds like he's been quite lazy to date

MOIST Fri 09-Jun-17 21:46:48

No rules really. Just expectations. If I ask them to hoover or do the dishwasher they will. They just need reminding. If they want washing doing either put it in the basket or do it yourself.
I provide the basics. Roof, food, wifi. If they want anything else they work for it.
They don't have to tell me where they are. But it is polite to let us know. It's just conversation.

I think the only rules I ever had were clean your teeth twice a day and wear a seatbelt. Everything else is negotiable.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:47:27

I expect him to active contribute to the housekeeping rather then being kept. He's not s toddler.

princeporter Fri 09-Jun-17 21:47:49

I wouldn't say lazy. He has struggled with his a levels and has revised every second he has. He hasn't needed any money to go out with friends etc. Phone is paid for until 19 due to contract.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:48:17

Yes and work for cash. Maybe he needs to work evenings after he's finished art working?

2014newme Fri 09-Jun-17 21:48:25

Get a job surely!

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:49:33

Certainly needs to make cash if he wants to go out with mates

Kittyhello21 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:50:37

Our rules are
Text of your not home for tea, one meal is cooked and will save for you if your going to be late
In before 11pm week nights unless it's a special occasion (wakes everyone else up who has work/school the next day)
Tidy/Hoover/dust your own room
Wash up or dry up after tea everyday
Clean bathroom on a fridy
Empty all bins on a Saturday
Help with washing when requested
Clean up after yourself
£5 contribution a week (works 3 days a week, college 2 days a week)

Works well for us, no complaints from either side!

NC4now Fri 09-Jun-17 21:52:32

But he's finished his A levels now, so he needs to be doing something constructive with his time, and contributing to the household.

princeporter Fri 09-Jun-17 21:56:03

He hasn't finished yet but I agree. That's what this thread is for! I think he should!

princeporter Fri 09-Jun-17 21:56:52

Well yes but he won't get a job!! I wish he would

kath6144 Fri 09-Jun-17 21:59:13

My DS is 19 and just back on Monday from first year at uni, although he has a weekend job back in uni city, long days Sat and Sun, so I dont begrudge him his time off in the week. (He will also do extra shifts in week if they on offer)

However this week he has emptied and refilled dishwasher each day, sorted and done family laundry, hanging it out to dry or on racks, ironing his own stuff, sorting dry laundry into our and DD bedrooms.

Given DD a lift to college one day, picked her up off bus other times when asked. Bought food for and Cooked dinner on Weds, helped cook dinner tonight. Cut some of outside hedges. Started some research I had asked him to do for summer hols. Done at least one dog walk a day.

He has also watched a lot of TV, but as long as he is helping thats fine. We have a cleaner once a week so there is not much cleaning needed in between.

MOIST Fri 09-Jun-17 21:59:56

If he won't work you stop doing stuff for him. So no washing, organising, nagging, money etc. He'll get very bored very quickly.

MOIST Fri 09-Jun-17 22:00:58

And leave him a list of stuff that needs doing daily.
Hoover
Dishwasher
Bathroom
Etc

clippityclock Fri 09-Jun-17 22:01:22

Erm my 7 year old has to feed the animals morning and night. His washing has to go in the laundry basket and once a week he has to load the washing machine and switch it on. He has to put his own clothes away, strip his bed and remake it. Wash up his own plates etc.

By 18 he'll be sorting all his own stuff out and having a share in cooking meals, cleaning the house etc

BackforGood Fri 09-Jun-17 22:21:00

Well yes but he won't get a job!! I wish he would

Well stop paying his phone then!
Are you really saying he won't go out anywhere over the next year?? It seems a little unlikely.
How is he going to 'do his art' if he doesn't have materials to work with?
Does he not use deoderant, razors, showergel, other personal things?
Will he not want to buy anyone a birthday card or a Christmas present?
Does he really never ever want to buy some cans or even some sweets or chewing gum ?

I find it difficult to believe that an 18/19 yr old can live for a year without an money, even if you provide a roof and basic food.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 22:21:30

No work = no cash. Simple maths.

Squishedstrawberry4 Fri 09-Jun-17 22:22:49

Yes he has to pay for his own art materials. I'm all for creativity. However he won't be doing his art 200% of the time.

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