Hi all. I've been with my husband 15 years. We have 2 under 2, the youngest of which is 10 weeks old. It's an emotionally abusive relationship sadly and I've only just accepted that as I'm a strong person and was in denial. I gave up a very well paid job when I had ds1 and went on to have ds2 straight after. The company no longer exists so I couldn't go back even if I wanted to and if they would have me. I ebf ds1 and am doing same for ds2. I would like to do it for at least 12 months.
In addition to having all but eroded any feelings of self worth I had, my husband has been cranking the emotional abuse up and up and after horrendous verbal and mental abuse which was worse at Christmas, birthday and Easter, has now taken to telling me he wants a divorce, no longer loves me etc regularly. He seems to enjoy seeing me cry. I'm so bloody stupid.
I have no job, no access to our joint bank account and he has always controlled our money. I feel like such an idiot and stupidly I am heartbroken at the loss of my marriage and I don't know why. I suppose I'm realising it's all just empty abuse and not what I thought it would be because he has periods of being lovely. He isn't a shit to me all the time but when he is he is awful. He calls me horrid things in front of the children - slovenly, the b word, c word, lazy, fat, stupid etc. I'm so angry with myself to be in this situation with two babies and no way of supporting them myself. I feel trapped and isolated. He's really done a number on me and I know it now. I want to leave him but have no family, no proper friends (he has seen to that over the years by turning me against them all). All I have are ladies i know at surface level from play group. I feel so upset and heartbroken at the prospect of having to go to bottle feeding and putting the boys in nursery whilst I take a job I could do in my sleep to make ends meet. He has a supportive family who will take care of everything for him. He has made sure I don't have a good relationship with them either. I feel so bloody stupid and really need help but have no idea where to start. What sort of man does this? I have a number of serious continuing physical complications from both births and our youngest is so young. How could he do this to me?
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Advice please, not sure where to turn
57 replies
barkisworsethanmybite · 09/06/2017 10:20
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