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To feel so unsupported.

(13 Posts)
Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 16:46:41

I am a Sah to 3DC. Since the DC were born I have done some self employed work it since Dd3 came along this fizzled as dh life didn't really change. Only my workload increase.
Do now Dd3 is at preschool I decided to take some free courses to improve my confidence in readiness for returning to work once Dd starts school
Dh has been largely uninterested. He didn't even comment when one of my tutors praised a piece of work I did. Or even know when I sat one of the exams. When I told him his response was what exam?.
Cue my latest exam. Paper 1 was incredibly difficult and he knew this .his initial plan was to take kids away so I could revise it peace. Unfortunately a better offer came along do he told one day off to go to a convention leaving me with Kids. The other day was pretty much spent have g a family meal out and him pudding off to do his own thing again.
We got a chance to talk St the weekend and I pointed out that I was disappointed that I wasn't able to have more child free time to revise. He barely commented and nothing has changed.
Yesterday he returned from work and basically did his own thing as per usual despite me making it clear I was doing a past paper and how difficult it was to concentrate
HE than went on to say that he has a job and qualifications do he didn't need to worry about such things.
I was shocked an didn't respond .
So AIBU to be hurt and angry about his lack of support. His selfishness seems to reached a whole new level.

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 16:49:46

Sorry for auto-correct garbage. I hope you get the idea.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Jun-17 16:54:20

He's incredibly selfish, isn't he?

I find it really hard to believe that he's generous and kind and thoughtful in other ways.

Is he ever nice to you?

And please don't say he's a good dad.

Loopytiles Tue 06-Jun-17 16:59:29

Why, when you started freelancing and he didn't pick up domestic or parenting work, and went out this time when you needed to study, did you put up with that?

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 17:03:31

No I don't think he is a good dad. Maybe when the older kids were young. But recently it seems that he is happy to spend time with them on his terms. So he will take them with him to the football or play computer games but is not so keen to attend a Guide parade etc.
He will step up and help get them ready to go out if he wants to go out but other days he doesn't surface from his man cave until the work is done.
I had serious reservations about this being built as I felt he would use it as a means to opt out of family life more but he promised this was not the case. Well actions speak louder than words.

FlossyMooToo Tue 06-Jun-17 17:03:51

Tell him not only does his behaviour make him a poor husband but a poor father too.

Parenting is 50:50 a.nd by not supporting you to have child free time he is saying he would rather do his own thing than be a good father.

Good luck on your exams flowers

BabsGanoush Tue 06-Jun-17 17:03:56

Well I hope you aren't cooking his meals and washing his clothes?? This is time you could spend studying.

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 17:07:58

When I started he would look after kids when I was physically away from home working. But following a period of maternity leave I just didn't feel ready to go back although I do enough to keep it open as an option. At the time he was working long hours and didn't really gel with Dd3s needs.
Tbh with the studying I could do it during the day when Dd was at preschool. However the exam just after half term has created issues as I need to do well to bump up my average.

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 17:08:57

I don't cook for him as he eats at work. Than snacks at home.
I was but won't iron.

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 17:09:49

Thank you.

StormTreader Tue 06-Jun-17 17:19:46

"Yesterday he returned from work and basically did his own thing as per usual despite me making it clear I was doing a past paper and how difficult it was to concentrate "

This is quite a passive way to ask this "oh, if only SOMEONE would look after these kids as this is so hard!"

Have you tried flat-out telling him "Right, I'll need a full evening of peace to revise this as its very difficult, please make a plan of something to do with the kids out of the house so I can have the house to myself between 1 and 5 on Saturday. Maybe take them to the cinema/mini-golf and a meal"?

ChocolateRaisin09 Tue 06-Jun-17 17:37:22

He needs it pointing out to him.
Can you go to the library or café to revise?

Fab39ish Tue 06-Jun-17 21:15:50

I will probably take myself off somewhere tomorrow. Only problem is Wi-Fi.
I suppose I do need to be more specific but I shouldn't have too.

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