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Being left out of girls holiday

(139 Posts)
mummy2oneandtwo Tue 06-Jun-17 14:07:12

There are 3 of us in one of my friendship groups, we've been friends since Uni and have always gotten on so well, been abroad together a couple of times, always great fun.

Recently another holiday came up, my 2 friends are single, I am married with toddler twins, so I have to consider childcare, but still more than up for a few days away in the sun.

The dates initially suggested I couldn't do as I couldn't get childcare for those dates, so I suggested the exact same holiday, but flying out a few days earlier. The flight on the original date arrived at 11am, the flight on the alternative date got us in at 5pm. Other than that, everything stayed the same, 4 nights away, all inclusive.

Everyone could do the alternative date, brilliant. Then one friend changed her mind, saying it wasn't worth a 4 hour flight for only 3 full days of sun, and she would only go on the 11am flight so that she got nearly 4 full days.

So much back and forth went on, but in the end, they have booked the dates I can't do. They go tomorrow and I feel so hurt. We met last week to talk it through and the one friend was very defensive and said she is sure it makes her selfish, but she want's longer in the sun, and basically said I was making a fuss that they were going without me, as they haven't done it to be mean, just that our lives are in different places and we can't always do everything together. confused

Sometimes we do things in a pair; a concert, cinema etc... but a girls holiday, I think you make sure it includes everyone.

My point was that when there was a date we could all do, you pick that one so that everyone can go. If I couldn't of made any date, or couldn't of left the children, then obviously go without me, but to actively push and then book the date I can't do....just feels mean....all for an extra 6 hours away.

AIBU to be hurt by this?

PeaFaceMcgee Tue 06-Jun-17 14:10:26

Yanbu, I think they've damaged the friendship by doing that. Selfish cowbags. Hope it rains!

Kokusai Tue 06-Jun-17 14:12:39

It does feel a bit mean

Cherryflamingo Tue 06-Jun-17 14:14:13

Yanbu. It's incredibly mean to leave a friend out for the sake of an extra 6 hours.

SmilingButClueless Tue 06-Jun-17 14:15:27

YANBU to be hurt, but I don't think your friends are being U not to compromise on flight times. For a short holiday, a few hours can make a big difference.

I wonder if there's a bigger issue here about you being at different stages of your lives, and perhaps wanting different things.

ImperialBlether Tue 06-Jun-17 14:17:30

The thing is that they will want completely different holidays to you, OP. You're married with twins; they are single. It's so different - can't you see that?

JoWithABow Tue 06-Jun-17 14:18:25

I can see how they have gone on the week that it the better deal, as they get the extra time on holiday, however you are right that losing a friendship over the extra 6 hours is pretty mean and selfish. Surely they could have found a completely different holiday that suited everyone?

PotteringAlong Tue 06-Jun-17 14:21:12

Landing at 5pm instead of 11am does mean you loose a day though. That's a quarter of the holiday.

Purplepicnic Tue 06-Jun-17 14:25:17

Selfish. Friendships are more important than 6 hours more sun.

Fishface77 Tue 06-Jun-17 14:26:58

Drop them op.

scurryfunge Tue 06-Jun-17 14:27:36

I may be missing the point here but could you have flown out to them independently?

Thebluedog Tue 06-Jun-17 14:27:39

Yanbu and I'd be hurt too, can you not book the same holiday but just arrive a few hours later or was it in a different hotel/location?

TheNaze73 Tue 06-Jun-17 14:29:49

YANBU. why would the OP be wanting a different holiday as she's married with twins? confused

I think they've been incredibly selfish OP

Coddiwomple Tue 06-Jun-17 14:29:51

It sounds mean, but if your friend only has 28 days off a year or so, I understand her point too. She would lose an entire day by going at another date. It doesn't matter when you are a student, it matters a lot more when you work full time.

Reow Tue 06-Jun-17 14:30:19

Could you have flown out separately OP? Wouldn't that have solved it?

EeekWhat Tue 06-Jun-17 14:31:35

Yanbu - I think it was selfish of them but I guess I can see their point of view a teeny bit.

PuppyMonkey Tue 06-Jun-17 14:32:01

Let's hope their flight isn't badly delayed or anything. wink

Kokusai Tue 06-Jun-17 14:32:25

Could you have flown out separately OP? Wouldn't that have solved it?

I think there was only one flight

Allegorygirl Tue 06-Jun-17 14:33:30

I think this might be a symptom of a deeper issue of you being in different life stages. Maybe meet up after they get back.
They might totally miss you and realise how mean it comes across whilst they are there.
It must hurt. We had our children much earlier than most of our friends and it can be difficult to sustain the same relationship.

PinkPlantPot Tue 06-Jun-17 14:33:54

Sorry but I agree with your friend. For such a short trip missing 11-5 is a whole day. It's unfortunate that you can't make it but you are expecting your friends to do what you can do. They don't want too and that's that. You can't do everything all the time

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 06-Jun-17 14:34:59

That's really horrible.

Could they not have flown out on the flight that got in at 11am and you joined them later after flying in at 5pm?

haveacupoftea Tue 06-Jun-17 14:36:01

Do your friends often base their plans around your childcare arrangements? If so I can see how they might get fed up with that and decide to be selfish and do things their own way. It's not what I would do but I don't really think it's worth making a huge issue of - your friend is right in that you can't just do everything together all the time.

It sounds as though you and your friends are about to start drifting apart.

Birdsgottaf1y Tue 06-Jun-17 14:36:06

The OP could only do a few days earlier, so not the date they wanted.

I can see both sides. It isn't just a matter of losing six hours, you lose a day. On a four day holiday, that's a lot.

I think in that situation, you've got to go with the majority. If that means leaving someone out, then that's unfortunate, but no reason to drop them.

statetrooperstacey Tue 06-Jun-17 14:36:21

Why can't u get the later flight and catch them up? It is a quarter of the time missed tho so i can see why. Shame for u though.

Coddiwomple Tue 06-Jun-17 14:36:32

I think the OP meant she could do week B, arriving at 5pm, and not week A arriving at 11am.

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