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Changing my plans to have kids whilst ex goes on holiday

(61 Posts)
Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 09:41:14

Just that really. We are on fairly good terms, I am taking the kids away for 2 weeks in a August. He wants to go away in September for a week with his g/f. But wants me to have them on his weekend so he can fly Saturday to saturday,, rather than Monday to Monday , which wouldn't affect the kids childcare at all. He's adamant that there are no flights for their chosen destination on any other day than the Saturday.
Now, I wouldn't mind having them but I have plans for that weekend, which would mean me cancelling them, to have the kids.
AIBU to think - he's had 2 child free weeks to take a holiday, and surely he could change his destination to somewhere that flies on the sunday as its only Saturday night I have plans.
Opinions please

Neverknowing Tue 06-Jun-17 09:45:43

Tbh he's being unreasonable. But I would just do him the favour to keep the peace personally, he owes you one if you're ever in a similar situation smile

ThePlaceboEffect Tue 06-Jun-17 09:50:07

YABU to expect ex to have a holiday when you have chosen (ie when your holiday is).

It depends on what your plans are as to whether YABU about having to cancel them. For the sake of an easy life I would agree to having the kids so he can holiday Saturday to Saturday unless your plans include a wedding/prepaid mini-break/ other one-off event. If it's just a planned girls night out then YABabitU.

YANBU to be annoyed.

Guavaf1sh Tue 06-Jun-17 09:50:16

Also he could scupper your holiday by demanding 'his' weekend during your two week break. Always better to give and take on these situations

mygorgeousmilo Tue 06-Jun-17 09:51:17

I would be tempted to look on sky scanner to see if there really is no other option for that destination. Then screenshot it and send it to him. But as PP has said, maybe you could also bank the favour? Is he not taking them on holiday at all himself?

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 09:53:41

Yes yes we do generally , but this is an evening wedding reception that I would be cancelling .

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 09:54:44

Yes they are away with their dad lack week of August, but not abroad, camping in uk.

beingsunny Tue 06-Jun-17 09:55:15

The normally I would say bank the favour but saw it's a wedding.

Can you request he pays for a sitter?

DancingLedge Tue 06-Jun-17 09:56:33

If its an evening do, couldn't you get a babysitter?

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 09:58:37

I wouldn't leave them with a sitter , they are 12 and 13.and we don't really know anyone who would .

AreWeThereYet000 Tue 06-Jun-17 10:15:32

Can you not take them to the wedding with you? Although annoying I really don't think it's that big a deal as PP said you can't expect him to only holiday when you do, and he shouldn't have to change destination as it doesn't meet your plans (and yes I have experience of this my DC father and me aren't together)

I'd take them to the wedding and bank the favour x

Fishface77 Tue 06-Jun-17 10:20:00

12&13?? Is leaving them alone for the evening not an option?

willconcern Tue 06-Jun-17 10:25:14

Don't your DCs have any friends that they could stay over with that night? I think it's best to be flexible in these circumstances (I am also divorced & have these discussions with exH).

My DCS are 13 & 11, I have a sitter coming tonight - teenaged daughter of a friend. Do you NEVER go out when your DCS are at yours? Not sure why a 13 & 12 year old can'take have someone a bit older to sit. Mine love her, she lets them watch TV with her & they chat about movies, music etc.

Are you sure you're not just tryingredients to make it difficult for ex?

willconcern Tue 06-Jun-17 10:26:06

Bloody autocorrect went into overdrive...

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 10:30:48

No no, I'm not trying to make it difficult. No way would I leave them alone for the night.
And no I never go out when they are with us. I see it as we have every other weekend to do as we please, when they are with me, it's our time.
Seems like the consensus is for me to have them...

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 10:31:52

And I have to go on holiday when he takes themes holiday as he cant have them for a full week ever.

Sofabitch Tue 06-Jun-17 10:34:25

I think at 12 and 13 you need way more flexible arrangements.

If its a wedding reception take them with you, or make him pay for a sitter or leave them home alone. They are hardly babies.

It also depends.. is this a one off? He seems to be giving you plenty of notice.

Sharpasknives Tue 06-Jun-17 10:40:57

Mmmm ok. We do ocassionaly swap and change. Eg we have tickets for a festival that falls on his weekend, and he's happy for me to take them.
They would hate the wedding do, and I won't leave them alone in the house at night , so it seems I will have to forfeit my child free weekend, which means I will have them 3 weekends in the row.

Firenight Tue 06-Jun-17 10:43:53

Definitely ask him to pay for a sitter or see if they can sleepover at a friend's. And he owes you one.

redladybird Tue 06-Jun-17 10:47:50

I would. I personally don't see my children as inconveniences in my life which is how you both make them sound.

anotherdayanothersquabble Tue 06-Jun-17 10:49:43

I agree with you. You have to take school holiday expensive holidays. He benefits from the September prices as well as tworking child free weeks.... there will be some way of flying nearby, hiring a car, etc to get round the problem.

If it wasn't a wedding, I might be tempted to swap in return for some other time but as it's a wedding, I would expect him to find a solution.

Do you have any plans that may need his flexibility?? That could change things.

anotherdayanothersquabble Tue 06-Jun-17 10:50:47

I have friends that would take my children overnight. .. an option maybe?

DeanKoontz Tue 06-Jun-17 10:53:41

I will have to forfeit my child free weekend, which means I will have them 3 weekends in the row

How awful for you.

MycatsaPirate Tue 06-Jun-17 10:54:01

Sorry but you can surely sort a sleepover at friends for them that night?

I don't have anyone to regularly take my DD so I have to ask parents of her friends to have her if I need a sitter. She's 11 and no bother at all. I don't see what the issue is tbh. You have months to sort this out.

RebornSlippy Tue 06-Jun-17 10:55:15

So what if you have them 3 weekends in a row? Weird attitude, OP, they're your kids! I imagine your ex will pay you back in time if it's such a major thing? And yes, maybe it's a good time to sort alternative minders for the next time this clash of schedule occurs. Maybe your ex can come up with someone?

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