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(269 Posts)
FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 08:47:16

So we all love a good wedding thread 'it's not a summons, it's an invitation'..
We have been 'invited' to a wedding WEEK in the USA, prices starting from £3k, with 5 organised events, each with their own dress code, and given a link to the Amazon wish list/registry where the cheapest item is >£300! Children are welcome on the holiday but not at the ceremony, and we're to chip in to the brides accommodation the night before the big day to show her our love?!

Total costing is £5,500 for a WEEK.

So, come on, what do I win??

cailyaclara Sat 10-Jun-17 20:50:36

The whole thing is just bloody ridiculous! Can't believe the audacity of asking you to pay so much! Don't go - it's daft!!!!

VikingLady Fri 09-Jun-17 13:12:38

barefoofdoctor There are already competitively cheap wedding threads! I've seen loads on MN. We spent £2k on ours and that was as cheap as we could make it whilst still inviting close friends Andrew family, but the threads get more and more competitive until you end up with people insisting they only paid £200 and invited their whole town who all brought the food out of spontaneous generosity and everyone still says it was the best day of their life.

Love those threads.

Dianag111 Thu 08-Jun-17 20:37:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrangeLookingParasite Thu 08-Jun-17 18:47:32

"I had heard you were both fans of sex and travel - fuck off."

Jaxhog Thu 08-Jun-17 10:54:24

At least it includes the actual wedding. There was another post recently where attendance was just for a destination 'wedding party'!

pdjimjams Thu 08-Jun-17 09:25:38

Omg shock

Dianag111 Thu 08-Jun-17 07:20:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarilynWhirlwindRocks Thu 08-Jun-17 06:32:20


Try including a variation of:

"As veteran guests of many 'Destination' Weddings, we are reserving our limited budget for nuptials in more imaginative Antarctica, thus to complete our 7 continents check-list..."

lilypoppet Thu 08-Jun-17 06:08:41

When you decline, explain your can't afford it.

barefoofdoctor Thu 08-Jun-17 05:08:48

One day will the wedding bullshit bomb blow up and people see sense, resulting in competitive moneysaving weddings? Centrepieces fashioned from foil and empty loo rolls, ready meal wedding breakfasts and so on?

mynameislolita Thu 08-Jun-17 04:49:18


WellThatSucks Thu 08-Jun-17 04:39:11

Seneca That's my experience too. Most people I know are happy with fairly modest celebrations and don't sucker their guests into financing massive fantasy productions.
The whole cover your plate, expensive shower gifts, extravagant bachelorette trips, guests funding the block booked hotel so the -grabby-- happy couple gets a free suite are only a 'thing' among people who have swallowed whole the wedding Schtick fostered by tv shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, wedding forums sponsored by the Wedding Industry which has a huge vested interest in pushing their crap so they pepper the sites with adverts. Some Brides think it's the norm rather than the worst of extremes and guilt their guests and bridal parties into going along with it otherwise they feel they've failed on some popularity level.

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 03:06:09

The whole concept of gifts gets on my nerves tbh.

Traditionally, gifts were to help a newly married couple set up home. They would often have very very little and would rely on wedding gifts for the basics. My parents for example were offered a big wedding with the full wedding breakfast at a posh hotel or a large wedding gift. They had a small wedding with a sandwich buffet, all done and dusted by 5pm and my grandparents bought them their first bed.

Now its about replacing old stuff with brand new upgrades and seemingly not being very grateful for it!

I am not saying that gifts shouldnt be given but the expectation behind it is distasteful.

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 03:02:36

Thats a good point seneca!

Perhaps you could add up the cost of travel, accomodation and any time off work, deduct that cost of the dinner and give them whats left. However if the total is in minus figures, present the B&G with an invoice for the difference! grin

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 02:59:36

Perhaps in some regions it's a thing but I have only ever heard of this on MN. For one thing, it's customary where I am to buy and send the gift before the wedding so I may have little idea of what the "plate" costs until I arrive. I give according to what I can afford and my relationship to the couple. In addition, if I have had to spend a lot to go to the wedding, my budget must take that into account.

misssmilla1 Thu 08-Jun-17 02:53:31

seneca I live in the US, and it's true of the weddings I've been to and of my OH. There's lots of behind the scenes sniffing and hoiking of bosoms if the envelopes / gifts don't reflect the amount spent by the B&G.

Obviously you have no way of knowing as a guest, so it's fraught guess work gauged on venue, sit down meal etc etc!

Rainbunny Thu 08-Jun-17 02:21:48

I'm in the US and I would say that giving a gift of a size that would cover the cost of your plate is actually a thing. Also a thing is the bridal shower as well. On many occasions I have bought a bridal shower gift AND a wedding gift. When DH and I got married and eloped, our friends couldn't understand why we didn't take the opportunity to get lots of wedding gifts! Er because getting married is the point of a wedding, not the gifts...

Sunferra Thu 08-Jun-17 02:07:56

Ooooo, I love this! Just think, you can snuggle down in your comfy bed and think ,'I've saved £5,000'!

OlennasWimple Thu 08-Jun-17 01:45:57

I thought "covering your plate" was a traditional Irish thing?

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 01:45:09

I seldom know when I buy a wedding gift what will be spent by the B&G on the wedding. And if you are going to use that sort of logic, you need to factor in the cost of attending: travel, clothes, lodging perhaps.

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 01:24:06

Oh and there were a fair amount of threads where brides were slagging off their guests for not giving enough in terms of gifts/cash, which is why I wasnt surprised at that thread where the OP had been emailed asking for more money by the B&G.

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 01:21:53

The gift=cost of dinner thing is becoming expected over here now. Whether its from US tv or what I dont know but when I got married 7 years ago there were several brides on wedding forums who seemed to think that this was the done thing. As I was a bit older than many of them and had been married before I tried to say that it wasnt a tradition as many of them seemed think, but a very recent idea. I got shouted down hmm

I was on the forums for the bargains on the for sale bits, but my god you could see some truly amazing bridezilla stuff. The idea that it is an honour to be invited to a weding and should move heaven earth, no matter the cost, to attend is the least of it!

FuzzyPillow Thu 08-Jun-17 01:18:31

Oooh yes, want to see the gift list!

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 01:06:52

Not true, missmilla. Maybe some people expect that but I have never heard of it in all my years of wedding attending and present giving in the US.

misssmilla1 Thu 08-Jun-17 00:58:39

The best bit is that in the US, you are expected to buy a gift or give cash, equal to or more than what it cost the bride and groom to host you at the reception. You might need a second mortgage :D

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