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(269 Posts)
FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 08:47:16

So we all love a good wedding thread 'it's not a summons, it's an invitation'..
We have been 'invited' to a wedding WEEK in the USA, prices starting from £3k, with 5 organised events, each with their own dress code, and given a link to the Amazon wish list/registry where the cheapest item is >£300! Children are welcome on the holiday but not at the ceremony, and we're to chip in to the brides accommodation the night before the big day to show her our love?!

Total costing is £5,500 for a WEEK.

So, come on, what do I win??

cafenoirbiscuit Wed 07-Jun-17 05:41:36

Ooooh you could set up a crowdfunding page to raise the cash to go! Send the link to the bride and groom. I'll give you £1.50

HappyFlappy Wed 07-Jun-17 10:30:56

Thanks SnorkMaiden

You're all heart grin

KatyBerry Wed 07-Jun-17 17:08:27

I've been invited to a couple of US weddings like this. Five days of parties and receptions and dinners hosted by family, godparents and friends. Out of towners dinners, rehearsal dinner, something at the country club, sporting activity. I don't think guests would have spent a dime other than accommodation once actually there. Each wedding invite was accompanied by a handful of other beautifully printed and tasteful invitations to these other events. The stationery alone was mind blowing. Both times I was too poor to go, and I do regret it.... (close friends though, and I did send a gift from the registry which in one case was a solitary fork but it was an Hermes fork for $100!)

KatyBerry Wed 07-Jun-17 17:10:52

@TidyDancer thanks for the glue update!

bbismad Wed 07-Jun-17 17:36:43

WTF...!!! You either know some cheeky demented people, or some really rich ones. Either was I'd be sending them a personalised RSVP back, of you sticking up your middle finger to their invitation!!

salsah Wed 07-Jun-17 17:47:21

It's not Maui

happypoobum Wed 07-Jun-17 17:53:12

Waves to Tidy

I am a bit concerned that Mr FuckyDuck is a weak link. He has called the groom and asked if any of his other friends are going? Doesn't sound much like a "Fuck! No!" to me.................

Turquoise123 Wed 07-Jun-17 17:59:52

Tee Hee you have made me smile - thank you

StrandedStarfish Wed 07-Jun-17 18:00:59

My sibling married an American in America. The sister of the American acted as a witness, and turned up in a cardigan, t shirt and leggings.Her daughter didn't even bother to support her heaving bosom with a bra. Her nipples are definitely the most outstanding feature of the wedding photos. Our gang were conspicuous on the subway in full wedding garb with hats, bridesmaids in full length dresses plus pageboys and men in kilts. The marriage didn't last. The holiday was great though.

LadyMonicaBaddingham Wed 07-Jun-17 18:01:14

Please, please, please print out this entire thread and include it in the card when you decline grin

Run4Fun Wed 07-Jun-17 18:02:02


Alidoll Wed 07-Jun-17 18:07:59

Dear Not quite married

Thank you for the multiple invites to your wedding bash. Much as we would love to attend, unfortunately I have (delete as appropriate);

- an intense fear of flying
- a criminal record that prevents entry into the US
- another holiday booked
- another wedding in Australia / Russia / Outer Mongolia that week
- allergy to taffeta / silk / sun that brings me out in hives
- never heard of you or your Family but did laugh at how entitled you sound
- a firm footing in reality
- an irritable bowel that would NOT allow me to fly that far without severely impacting on others on the flight and at your wedding reception
- more sense

I do hope you have a lovely day / week / life together.

(Or a simple "yer having a larf so NO).

TheMysteriousJackelope Wed 07-Jun-17 18:14:00

Ugh, they are clearly inviting everyone they've ever said 'hello' to because they know damn well 99% of the people invited won't come, but probably 20% will send cash to fund their US extravaganza.

SherbrookeFosterer Wed 07-Jun-17 18:20:37

Invitations can get lost in the post you know!

GoldHeart Wed 07-Jun-17 18:28:44

No proofy, no troophy grin grin

GrumpyOldBag Wed 07-Jun-17 18:40:47

Do the couple live in America? If so, that's not particularly unusual. Obviously most of their guests won't be having to stump up for air fares.

FuckyDuck Wed 07-Jun-17 18:41:20

DH is still querying why I'm so dead against this hmm he has been informed that we will not be DTD until he realises it's a farce and we will not be a part of it. YY to the poster who said he was a weak link (bless him)

We've heard through the grapevine that the grooms best friend (also Best Man) is not able to attend, they've not even offered him a reduction is the cost of the hotel! Bloody awful people, I bet the weddings over before the DVD has been produced.

Lynnm63 Wed 07-Jun-17 18:41:21

You should reply 'We'd love to come but unfortunately the Mumsnet jury said no'

TisGlorious Wed 07-Jun-17 18:46:24

What are these 5 events? can you give us a brief?

Emmageddon Wed 07-Jun-17 18:52:24

I would just reply with 'hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, no.'

AcademicOwl Wed 07-Jun-17 18:58:20

Just reply to them "we're afraid mumsnet says No" with a link to this thread.


Teutonic Wed 07-Jun-17 19:10:53

There was a young couple getting hitched
And demanded some money be pitched
Said give us 5k
And come if you may
But instead the invitation got ditched.

Sorry, I can't think of a more suitable reply for you to give. Are the bride and groom mainlining toilet duck by any chance?

Wanttobehonest Wed 07-Jun-17 19:17:31

Please please please gift them an oxfam goat. It would be perfect!

Emmageddon Wed 07-Jun-17 19:21:21

Not an Oxfam goat, an Oxfam toilet.

MissShittyBennet Wed 07-Jun-17 19:27:22

I'm going to be very controversial here and say you absolutely must go. And livetweet it. Because it's bound to be hilarious. We'll crowdfund it!

RainbowAura Wed 07-Jun-17 19:42:43

That's more than my wedding cost!

myshinynewusername Wed 07-Jun-17 19:44:38

You should live stream the whole thing on the internet via a webcam hidden in your hat.

Then charge people a couple of quid each to watch. That will cover the cost of going.

I'd watch. grin

JohnCheese Wed 07-Jun-17 19:45:37

Bet they offer to sell you the DVD of the wedding.

user1487941567 Wed 07-Jun-17 19:47:35

Just say sorry, I'm shaving my legs that day.

Cookie37 Wed 07-Jun-17 19:48:38

Flipping heck - I don't believe it ! Why the hell would anyone want to go to that ?

TaliZorahVasNormandy Wed 07-Jun-17 19:59:56

I wouldnt even spend that on my own wedding, never mind someone elses.

lljkk Wed 07-Jun-17 20:20:52

I want to know what the "events" are to cost of £5.5k. I mean, is there a trip to top of Empire State Building or out to the Florida Keys or what?

Evewasinnocent Wed 07-Jun-17 20:23:14

Another vote for your inability to get a visa for the US due to youthful indiscretions!

babybubblescomingsoon Wed 07-Jun-17 20:23:38

Oh holy pigeons of hell tell me that's a joke

FelixtheMouse Wed 07-Jun-17 20:31:57

baby I love that expression!

babybubblescomingsoon Wed 07-Jun-17 20:46:20

felix I've never used it before in my life, I have no idea where it came from, it just seems fitting grin

Thingamajiggy Wed 07-Jun-17 20:50:02

Wow you definitely win. Respect. Just one question...WHATS ON THE GIFT REGISTRY????

Please share the registry!!! Love to see what people like that ask for.

Wreckingball25 Wed 07-Jun-17 21:03:27

I'll stick a couple of quid in the crownfunder grin

Wreckingball25 Wed 07-Jun-17 21:03:46

Though you could buy them crowns...

yaela123 Wed 07-Jun-17 21:24:06

Is TidyDancer's thread still online? Link? Please?

Rainbunny Wed 07-Jun-17 21:53:17

If I were your DH I might just feel a little insulted by the invite actually. These so called "friends" weren't close enough to attend your wedding and it sounds like they aren't in regular contact but suddenly you're deemed worthy of attending their expensive wedding fest? I'm afraid it seems obvious to me that they're finding to hard to get willing guests to go so they're expanding their net to fill up the numbers. Apologies if I'm wrong about that.

RubyFlint Wed 07-Jun-17 22:22:55

Bloody nerve of some people!

PyongyangKipperbang Wed 07-Jun-17 22:53:01

I agree with Rainbunny, and like I said above its very clear that you are D list (at best) because A B and C listers all turned them down.

Have you put it to him like that?

He doesnt understand why you are so against it, have you asked him why he is prepared to spend so much money on the wedding of someone he hasnt seen in years? How much is your mortage/rent? Maybe put it in terms of "Are you really saying that we should spend 6 months worth of mortgage money on someone elses wedding?!"

TragicallyUnbeyachted Thu 08-Jun-17 00:52:41

TidyDancer's original Gluezilla thread
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

misssmilla1 Thu 08-Jun-17 00:58:39

The best bit is that in the US, you are expected to buy a gift or give cash, equal to or more than what it cost the bride and groom to host you at the reception. You might need a second mortgage :D

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 01:06:52

Not true, missmilla. Maybe some people expect that but I have never heard of it in all my years of wedding attending and present giving in the US.

FuzzyPillow Thu 08-Jun-17 01:18:31

Oooh yes, want to see the gift list!

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 01:21:53

The gift=cost of dinner thing is becoming expected over here now. Whether its from US tv or what I dont know but when I got married 7 years ago there were several brides on wedding forums who seemed to think that this was the done thing. As I was a bit older than many of them and had been married before I tried to say that it wasnt a tradition as many of them seemed think, but a very recent idea. I got shouted down hmm

I was on the forums for the bargains on the for sale bits, but my god you could see some truly amazing bridezilla stuff. The idea that it is an honour to be invited to a weding and should move heaven earth, no matter the cost, to attend is the least of it!

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 01:24:06

Oh and there were a fair amount of threads where brides were slagging off their guests for not giving enough in terms of gifts/cash, which is why I wasnt surprised at that thread where the OP had been emailed asking for more money by the B&G.

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 01:45:09

I seldom know when I buy a wedding gift what will be spent by the B&G on the wedding. And if you are going to use that sort of logic, you need to factor in the cost of attending: travel, clothes, lodging perhaps.

OlennasWimple Thu 08-Jun-17 01:45:57

I thought "covering your plate" was a traditional Irish thing?

Sunferra Thu 08-Jun-17 02:07:56

Ooooo, I love this! Just think, you can snuggle down in your comfy bed and think ,'I've saved £5,000'!

Rainbunny Thu 08-Jun-17 02:21:48

I'm in the US and I would say that giving a gift of a size that would cover the cost of your plate is actually a thing. Also a thing is the bridal shower as well. On many occasions I have bought a bridal shower gift AND a wedding gift. When DH and I got married and eloped, our friends couldn't understand why we didn't take the opportunity to get lots of wedding gifts! Er because getting married is the point of a wedding, not the gifts...

misssmilla1 Thu 08-Jun-17 02:53:31

seneca I live in the US, and it's true of the weddings I've been to and of my OH. There's lots of behind the scenes sniffing and hoiking of bosoms if the envelopes / gifts don't reflect the amount spent by the B&G.

Obviously you have no way of knowing as a guest, so it's fraught guess work gauged on venue, sit down meal etc etc!

SenecaFalls Thu 08-Jun-17 02:59:36

Perhaps in some regions it's a thing but I have only ever heard of this on MN. For one thing, it's customary where I am to buy and send the gift before the wedding so I may have little idea of what the "plate" costs until I arrive. I give according to what I can afford and my relationship to the couple. In addition, if I have had to spend a lot to go to the wedding, my budget must take that into account.

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 03:02:36

Thats a good point seneca!

Perhaps you could add up the cost of travel, accomodation and any time off work, deduct that cost of the dinner and give them whats left. However if the total is in minus figures, present the B&G with an invoice for the difference! grin

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 08-Jun-17 03:06:09

The whole concept of gifts gets on my nerves tbh.

Traditionally, gifts were to help a newly married couple set up home. They would often have very very little and would rely on wedding gifts for the basics. My parents for example were offered a big wedding with the full wedding breakfast at a posh hotel or a large wedding gift. They had a small wedding with a sandwich buffet, all done and dusted by 5pm and my grandparents bought them their first bed.

Now its about replacing old stuff with brand new upgrades and seemingly not being very grateful for it!

I am not saying that gifts shouldnt be given but the expectation behind it is distasteful.

WellThatSucks Thu 08-Jun-17 04:39:11

Seneca That's my experience too. Most people I know are happy with fairly modest celebrations and don't sucker their guests into financing massive fantasy productions.
The whole cover your plate, expensive shower gifts, extravagant bachelorette trips, guests funding the block booked hotel so the -grabby-- happy couple gets a free suite are only a 'thing' among people who have swallowed whole the wedding Schtick fostered by tv shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, wedding forums sponsored by the Wedding Industry which has a huge vested interest in pushing their crap so they pepper the sites with adverts. Some Brides think it's the norm rather than the worst of extremes and guilt their guests and bridal parties into going along with it otherwise they feel they've failed on some popularity level.

mynameislolita Thu 08-Jun-17 04:49:18


barefoofdoctor Thu 08-Jun-17 05:08:48

One day will the wedding bullshit bomb blow up and people see sense, resulting in competitive moneysaving weddings? Centrepieces fashioned from foil and empty loo rolls, ready meal wedding breakfasts and so on?

lilypoppet Thu 08-Jun-17 06:08:41

When you decline, explain your can't afford it.

MarilynWhirlwindRocks Thu 08-Jun-17 06:32:20


Try including a variation of:

"As veteran guests of many 'Destination' Weddings, we are reserving our limited budget for nuptials in more imaginative Antarctica, thus to complete our 7 continents check-list..."

Dianag111 Thu 08-Jun-17 07:20:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pdjimjams Thu 08-Jun-17 09:25:38

Omg shock

Jaxhog Thu 08-Jun-17 10:54:24

At least it includes the actual wedding. There was another post recently where attendance was just for a destination 'wedding party'!

StrangeLookingParasite Thu 08-Jun-17 18:47:32

"I had heard you were both fans of sex and travel - fuck off."

Dianag111 Thu 08-Jun-17 20:37:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VikingLady Fri 09-Jun-17 13:12:38

barefoofdoctor There are already competitively cheap wedding threads! I've seen loads on MN. We spent £2k on ours and that was as cheap as we could make it whilst still inviting close friends Andrew family, but the threads get more and more competitive until you end up with people insisting they only paid £200 and invited their whole town who all brought the food out of spontaneous generosity and everyone still says it was the best day of their life.

Love those threads.

cailyaclara Sat 10-Jun-17 20:50:36

The whole thing is just bloody ridiculous! Can't believe the audacity of asking you to pay so much! Don't go - it's daft!!!!

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