I WIN MUMSNET WEDDINGS

I thought "covering your plate" was a traditional Irish thing?

Ooooo, I love this! Just think, you can snuggle down in your comfy bed and think ,'I've saved £5,000'!

I'm in the US and I would say that giving a gift of a size that would cover the cost of your plate is actually a thing. Also a thing is the bridal shower as well. On many occasions I have bought a bridal shower gift AND a wedding gift. When DH and I got married and eloped, our friends couldn't understand why we didn't take the opportunity to get lots of wedding gifts! Er because getting married is the point of a wedding, not the gifts...

seneca I live in the US, and it's true of the weddings I've been to and of my OH. There's lots of behind the scenes sniffing and hoiking of bosoms if the envelopes / gifts don't reflect the amount spent by the B&G.

Obviously you have no way of knowing as a guest, so it's fraught guess work gauged on venue, sit down meal etc etc!

Perhaps in some regions it's a thing but I have only ever heard of this on MN. For one thing, it's customary where I am to buy and send the gift before the wedding so I may have little idea of what the "plate" costs until I arrive. I give according to what I can afford and my relationship to the couple. In addition, if I have had to spend a lot to go to the wedding, my budget must take that into account.

Thats a good point seneca!

Perhaps you could add up the cost of travel, accomodation and any time off work, deduct that cost of the dinner and give them whats left. However if the total is in minus figures, present the B&G with an invoice for the difference!

The whole concept of gifts gets on my nerves tbh.

Traditionally, gifts were to help a newly married couple set up home. They would often have very very little and would rely on wedding gifts for the basics. My parents for example were offered a big wedding with the full wedding breakfast at a posh hotel or a large wedding gift. They had a small wedding with a sandwich buffet, all done and dusted by 5pm and my grandparents bought them their first bed.

Now its about replacing old stuff with brand new upgrades and seemingly not being very grateful for it!

I am not saying that gifts shouldnt be given but the expectation behind it is distasteful.

Seneca That's my experience too. Most people I know are happy with fairly modest celebrations and don't sucker their guests into financing massive fantasy productions.
The whole cover your plate, expensive shower gifts, extravagant bachelorette trips, guests funding the block booked hotel so the -grabby-- happy couple gets a free suite are only a 'thing' among people who have swallowed whole the wedding Schtick fostered by tv shows like Say Yes to the Dress, Bridezillas, wedding forums sponsored by the Wedding Industry which has a huge vested interest in pushing their crap so they pepper the sites with adverts. Some Brides think it's the norm rather than the worst of extremes and guilt their guests and bridal parties into going along with it otherwise they feel they've failed on some popularity level.

.

One day will the wedding bullshit bomb blow up and people see sense, resulting in competitive moneysaving weddings? Centrepieces fashioned from foil and empty loo rolls, ready meal wedding breakfasts and so on?

When you decline, explain your can't afford it.

OP,

Try including a variation of:

"As veteran guests of many 'Destination' Weddings, we are reserving our limited budget for nuptials in more imaginative Antarctica, thus to complete our 7 continents check-list..."

Omg

At least it includes the actual wedding. There was another post recently where attendance was just for a destination 'wedding party'!

"I had heard you were both fans of sex and travel - fuck off."

barefoofdoctor There are already competitively cheap wedding threads! I've seen loads on MN. We spent £2k on ours and that was as cheap as we could make it whilst still inviting close friends Andrew family, but the threads get more and more competitive until you end up with people insisting they only paid £200 and invited their whole town who all brought the food out of spontaneous generosity and everyone still says it was the best day of their life.

Love those threads.

The whole thing is just bloody ridiculous! Can't believe the audacity of asking you to pay so much! Don't go - it's daft!!!!