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I WIN MUMSNET WEDDINGS

(269 Posts)
FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 08:47:16

So we all love a good wedding thread 'it's not a summons, it's an invitation'..
We have been 'invited' to a wedding WEEK in the USA, prices starting from £3k, with 5 organised events, each with their own dress code, and given a link to the Amazon wish list/registry where the cheapest item is >£300! Children are welcome on the holiday but not at the ceremony, and we're to chip in to the brides accommodation the night before the big day to show her our love?!

Total costing is £5,500 for a WEEK.

So, come on, what do I win??

ShatnersWig Tue 06-Jun-17 08:48:44

WHAT????

I want some form of photographic proof of all this before you can claim your prize. Feel free to redact names

Tigger365 Tue 06-Jun-17 08:49:46

Or don't redact the names and let the daily fail pay for it instead

PNGirl Tue 06-Jun-17 08:50:51

You win one fewer friend or relative when you drop them like a stone!

In seriousness, unless it's your sister or something and it's going to end up being a week's holiday with immediate family, being invited to spend that on a destination not of your choice is unlikely to result in many positive RSVPs.

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 06-Jun-17 08:50:52

Pics or it didn't happen grin

glitterglitters Tue 06-Jun-17 08:51:21

You win!

Foxyloxy1plus1 Tue 06-Jun-17 08:51:24

You win Fucky. No contest. wink

Iamastonished Tue 06-Jun-17 08:52:04

Have you declined?

ShatnersWig Tue 06-Jun-17 08:52:06

No, the OP has to provide proof before she can win. Withhold that trophy

Mutiny0nTheBunty Tue 06-Jun-17 08:53:37

Did it come with a request for cash in poem form? For bonus points!

ARumWithAView Tue 06-Jun-17 08:53:39

Is this a Christian or secular wedding? If so, incredibly OTT. But I know in various other religions/cultures a week-long extravaganza is normal - difference being that it's also standard for the hosts to be incredibly generous about picking up all tabs, full hospitality, etc.

So, either way, you win an Oxfam goat to pass on as your off-registry wedding gift.

FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 08:54:17

Everything is personalised, down to the fucking envelope of the invitation. Absolutely ludicrous, the best thing being - it's someone DH used to be friends with before he moved away :/ they didn't even come to our wedding!

putdownyourphone Tue 06-Jun-17 08:54:36

Wait - do you know anyone who's actually going to be able to go to this?? Do they have insanely rich friends? And most importantly- is there a hen do?!!

Waltermittythesequel Tue 06-Jun-17 08:55:10

I'm not sure you can win without proof.

It sounds too grabby to be true! grin

FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 08:56:07

No poem for cash although they have 2 DC and are heavily hinting they want a third and wouldn't a nest egg nice. I've read about these things on mumsnet before but to actually have an invite! I was more excited about winning mumsnet than the prospect of forced fun in the USAgrin

expatinscotland Tue 06-Jun-17 08:56:28

I'm so surprised you haven't leapt over yourself to accept this pile of wank. I think every engaged couple needs to be reminded that, other than your nearest and dearest, no one really gives a fuck that you're getting married.

Rossigigi Tue 06-Jun-17 08:56:45

Wow just wow....

Maudlinmaud Tue 06-Jun-17 08:56:58

Pfft no chance. People need to wise the fuck up!

expatinscotland Tue 06-Jun-17 08:58:09

Remember back in the day when if you already had kids you just slipped off to the registry office?

glitterglitters Tue 06-Jun-17 08:59:25

@expatinscotland my dad looked at me utterly confused when I had a "proper" wedding dress for our registry office wedding. grin

CressidaTheHeathen Tue 06-Jun-17 08:59:44

It isn't in Maui, then? grin

ErrolTheDragon Tue 06-Jun-17 08:59:48

* it's someone DH used to be friends with before he moved away :/ they didn't even come to our wedding!*

Wonder if they've already had refusals from all sane and/or impoverished family and closer friends.grin

Is that price tag for the whole family or per adult?

ArgyMargy Tue 06-Jun-17 09:02:58

No proof no win. Pictures, now!

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 06-Jun-17 09:04:48

There's only one reply to their wedding invite:

'Are you on glue?'

Definitely buy them an Oxfam goat.

Maudlinmaud Tue 06-Jun-17 09:04:53

We had 11 days in Florida for about that. Villa, flights, transfers, car hire and Disney.
I am gobsmacked at the entitled twats shock

Lweji Tue 06-Jun-17 09:05:49

It isn't in Maui, then?

Could be. Maui is Hawaii and thus USA.

ssd Tue 06-Jun-17 09:09:46

where do you lot get these pals grin

theaveragewife Tue 06-Jun-17 09:12:14

No proofy no troophy.

AperolOnIce Tue 06-Jun-17 09:12:29

This invite is from someone who you wouldn't even really call a friend - much less a close friend? shock

EpoxyResin Tue 06-Jun-17 09:12:55

I bet you opened that invite and immediately lit up with glee screaming, "Holy shit, I need to get this on Mumsnet!!".

I'm so fucking jealous, I wish I had preposterous friends. Props to you star

Willow2017 Tue 06-Jun-17 09:13:52

It sounds like something of a corny soap opera! It would be hilarious if they werent actually serious.
WTF are you supposed to do with the kids during the ceremony in a strange hotel in another country?

I really hope nobody actually agrees to thier batshit demands. Who the feck wants to pay for that ludicrous 'wedding'. The whole thing is a farce. Pay for the brides hotel wtaf? Your wedding you pay for it you entitled idiot.

I took my 2 kids (classed as adults) to Florida for 10 days for that amount of money, including Disney and Universal! A million times more fun than some bloody forced themed wedding smile

MacarenaFerreiro Tue 06-Jun-17 09:14:30

So I take it you won't be going then? grin

rightwhine Tue 06-Jun-17 09:14:36

I'm so jealous.
<eyes completely normal invitation on mantelpiece>

expatinscotland Tue 06-Jun-17 09:15:33

Why is everyone now demanding photos as 'proof'? Either you believe it or you don't hmm.

CoolCarrie Tue 06-Jun-17 09:15:36

Are either of the couple American themselves? Because that is definitely an American" bigger is better attitude" . The showing of presents tea, The hen weekends, the rehearsal dinner, the lunch to show off the photos and video, and of course the baby shower!

Bonez Tue 06-Jun-17 09:16:38

I wouldn't feel a drop of guilt in declining that invitation!

EpoxyResin Tue 06-Jun-17 09:17:32

Maybe write back to them telling them you've already booked your holiday for the year, but that it actually looks loads better than what they have planned - include a brochure perhaps - then suggest they might want to tag along and have their wedding there . "Wouldn't that be a fabulous upgrade!? You're welcome grin"

FetchezLaVache Tue 06-Jun-17 09:20:52

Fucky you are going to have to put some effort into turning that fucker down. No generic 'regret' card from Tesco for these 'Zillas!

please please please take a tiny little pic of the invitation for the further amusement of your MN pals!

Tartyflette Tue 06-Jun-17 09:21:25

So what do you get for your five grand (and is it per head or the whole family?)
Flights, accommodation, entry fee to all the 'events' , with food included? Are tips/service charges included -- these can be VERY high in the U.S. ? I am concerned you might not have costed it fully grin
If its for a family of four, say, it's not too bad, a luxury holiday level. But if it's per head, or even for just the two of you......words fail me.

rjay123 Tue 06-Jun-17 09:21:52

Someone I work with introduced a couple of friends to each other, who hit it off.

Then was asked to do a reading at the church, and be the witness to the signing of registrars. But then wasn't invited to the day, just the evening do. So travelled miles to then turn up at 12 for an hour, and disappear until 7pm.

The soft sod did, without moaning.

JuicyCake Tue 06-Jun-17 09:23:21

Haven't been to nuptials on that scale, but it's the forced fun that kills me nowadays. Remember when weddings used to be a laugh?
Most I've been to lately are of The Big Day variety where the bride acts like a movie star & we are just extras for the photos etc... It's not fun!

paxillin Tue 06-Jun-17 09:24:56

What? I wouldn't even attend if I was the bride at that price!

FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 09:25:16

Price quoted covers flights, accommodation and car hire, no food or entertainment other than the wedding day itself. Brides dad is from Texas (not the state they're getting married in) but they're both British. Absolutely bonkers and yes I couldn't wait to get it on mumsnet grin

DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'. I have suggested we go to Florida and do Disney etc and drive the 5 hours each way to the wedding but apparently it's all or nothing. Can't provide proof without identifying myself!

innitprawn Tue 06-Jun-17 09:27:49

hmmgrin

FruBayerischOla Tue 06-Jun-17 09:28:11

Blimey - words fail me shock

Iamastonished Tue 06-Jun-17 09:29:24

"DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'."

Why? It wouldn't worry me. I would just send my regrets without giving a reason. Something like. "Thank you for your invitation. Unfortunately we are unable to come to your wedding" That's all.

ClemDanfango Tue 06-Jun-17 09:31:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumIsRunningAMarathon Tue 06-Jun-17 09:33:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KitKat1985 Tue 06-Jun-17 09:34:58

Absolutely ludicrous, the best thing being - it's someone DH used to be friends with before he moved away :/ they didn't even come to our wedding!

Good lord. Send the crappiest, cheapest looking 'we regret we can't come' card you can. And yes, you win Mumsnet weddings.

expatinscotland Tue 06-Jun-17 09:35:06

'Yes of course you can provide proof

It's just a fairy story otherwise'

She told you why she doesn't want to. Either you believe it or you don't. If you think it's a 'fairy story' then report it to HQ for trolling. Demanding proof or 'it's not true' is troll hunting.

Pigflewpast Tue 06-Jun-17 09:35:45

I would just give my regrets without giving a rsason
Noooo, such a wonderful invite deserves a much more exciting reply than that, especially as you're not close friends.
Come on mumsnetters, get creative here

FuckyDuck Tue 06-Jun-17 09:37:46

I need a creative decline grin

onalongsabbatical Tue 06-Jun-17 09:38:21

'DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'.' Is he a marshmallow? grin
I'd bloody LOVE to say no to this! I'd get very, very creative...

Greyponcho Tue 06-Jun-17 09:41:26

Send a list of all the things that money could buy (e.g. a holiday somewhere you actually wanted to go, ten CT scans in a private hospital, 7500 mars bars etc grin )

MoonriseKingdom Tue 06-Jun-17 09:42:04

Dear Princess Eugenie
It is with great regret that I have to decline the invite to your 5 day wedding extravaganza due to a prior engagement. As you are aware following my conviction for tax fraud I will be spending 5 years at your Grandma's pleasure.
Yours disappointedly
Hugs and kisses xoxo

paxillin Tue 06-Jun-17 09:42:59

I need a creative decline

Ask them how to apply for bursaries.

Slimthistime Tue 06-Jun-17 09:43:23

Aw expat, it's just our inner Sherlocks talking.
But yes op I believe you.

diddl Tue 06-Jun-17 09:44:24

"'DH feels bad that we're saying 'no'."

No wonder you were asked!!grin

onalongsabbatical Tue 06-Jun-17 09:44:51

Dear Lovely Friends,
While I’m delighted at the world-shattering news that you are getting married, and positively heart-broken not to be able to afford to come, I’m in the very unfortunate position of having more than half a fucking brain, which makes it impossible to even begin to entertain the idea that I might spend stupid money on coming across the world to be props at your excellent narcissist-fest. I can’t tell you how much I regret being unable to be there to gawp at your extraordinary levels of batshittedness, but there you are.
I do hope you have a life commensurate with your obvious level of entitledness.
Yours very sincerely, FuckyDuck

Slimthistime Tue 06-Jun-17 09:46:37

Can't you send that clip of Phoebe saying "oh I'm sorry I can't because...I don't want to"?

ssd Tue 06-Jun-17 09:46:47

if your dh feels bad tell him you'll go if he pays

Oldgranny Tue 06-Jun-17 09:47:10

The privilege of saving money !!

MumIsRunningAMarathon Tue 06-Jun-17 09:49:01

Haha expat 'demanding'!!

Yeah right.

ssd Tue 06-Jun-17 09:54:33

well some people have said we want proof of this, that looks demanding Mumis

probably meant light heartedly, but expat wasnt wrong in what she wrote

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 06-Jun-17 09:56:11

Dearest and most loveliest friends

I regret that we will have to decline as we have booked a holiday in space that week. Did you not know about the commercial space flight? Everyone, who is anyone will be there.

Hugs and kisses
FuckyDuck

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 06-Jun-17 09:57:06

Just........wow.

That's just completely insane shock

I second sending onalongsabbaticals message!

Or
"Dear money grabbing not friends.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Thanks for giving us a fucking laugh.
Bye"

Willow2017 Tue 06-Jun-17 09:58:59

Why the hell does your DP feel 'bad'?
They are not even proper friends, you are just invited to help pay for the damm thing, and to make them look like they have a gazillion friends willing to travel halfway around the world to see them get married.

They wouldnt even have got in touch if they werent showing off their 'amaze wedding'.

iseenodust Tue 06-Jun-17 09:59:28

'Thank you for the invitation to your fabulous wedding circus. I fear the probability of me getting into a conversation on gun control with your American in-laws could undermine our friendship. I look forward to seeing the photos.'

NotHotDogMum Tue 06-Jun-17 09:59:45

Dear crazy wedding couple

Many thanks for the invitation to your wedding, we will be unable to attend as we have other plans for our money.

Have a lovely wedding day/week

FuckyDuck

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 06-Jun-17 10:00:35

My friends got married last week.
It cost me a grand total of £50, everyone had an amazing time, and at no point did I have to get on a plane, or even a train!

What the actual hell goes through some peoples minds?

The only thing I can think of is that they are sooo up their own arses, and have such a high opinion of themselves, that they imagine people will fall over themselves to attend their wedding, whether it's in the US, the Caribbean or on the fucking moon.

Firenight Tue 06-Jun-17 10:00:40

I think i would hint at problems with visas!

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 06-Jun-17 10:01:13

Dear future Mr and Mrs Delusions of Grandeur,

Unfortunately Mr and Mrs Fuckyduck must gracefully decline the invitation to the extravaganza that is your forthcoming nuptials. This is due to previous commitments such as hair washing, walking the dog, watching pain dry and so forth. All of which do not amount to the equivalent money of buying a new car, putting a deposit on a cheap house or paying for the surgery now needed to replace my kidneys, which exploded from the laughter when reading your invitation. We do hope you find other suckers enjoy your day, and look forward to the abridged DVD which we're sure will be forthcoming.

With regards but no gifts,

Mr and Mrs Hahaha You Grabby Twats

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 06-Jun-17 10:02:26

Edmund grin

ClemDanfango Tue 06-Jun-17 10:04:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glitterglitters Tue 06-Jun-17 10:04:28

Send a reply just saying:

"Who dis?"

grin

ExplodedCloud Tue 06-Jun-17 10:05:27

Just tell them you're banned from the USA following a youthful indiscretion.

Magicpaintbrush Tue 06-Jun-17 10:05:39

This is the most batshit thing I ever heard!

The only possible way for anybody to steal your Mumsnet Wedding Trophy from you now is if somebody gets invited to a lunar wedding where all guests are expected to pay for a trip to orbit the earth in a pod whilst the happy couple say 'I do'.

mellowbean Tue 06-Jun-17 10:06:04

To whom it may concern...

I think you have sent us this invitation by mistake as we have been racking our brains to place you but alas no, we don't know who you are.

Have a lovely wedding

Maudlinmaud Tue 06-Jun-17 10:07:02

glitters grin nice and simple but gets the point across.

Magicpaintbrush Tue 06-Jun-17 10:07:03

Or an extreme sports themed wedding where guests are expected to bungee jump into the gaping mouth of an active volcano. grin

JennyOnAPlate Tue 06-Jun-17 10:08:36

I think you should let them think you assume it's a joke invitation. "Ha ha! Nice one! Good job we know no one could be this ridiculous! Let us know the real arrangements asap"

Tazerface Tue 06-Jun-17 10:09:24

It's just so gauche to have a massive wedding like this when a) you clearly can't afford it, b) you've already got children!

I love some of these creative declines but I'm a total coward and would just send a 'no' card back.

(I can just picture them having a moan about having to re-jig the estimated costs as people drop out grin)

TheNaze73 Tue 06-Jun-17 10:09:34

Wow!!!

I'm speechless.

Greyponcho Tue 06-Jun-17 10:12:19

grin at GlitterGlitters

EpoxyResin Tue 06-Jun-17 10:14:10

One does not simply decline an invitation like this grin

ForeverFireflies Tue 06-Jun-17 10:17:37

I know a couple who deliberately invited people they knew wouldn't come, in the hope that they would send a gift (cash) anyway.
Maybe it's that?

Ginmakesitallok Tue 06-Jun-17 10:17:50

I favour the earlier suggestion of "wise the fuck up"

PurpleAlerts Tue 06-Jun-17 10:19:24

Here's your creative decline:

"Are you on glue?"

catinbooties Tue 06-Jun-17 10:22:04

Please can you elaborate on the five different dress codes?? 😁

EpoxyResin Tue 06-Jun-17 10:22:21

Maybe tell them you are unfortunately busy that week, but if they would postpone it by a month you may have some time?

FetchezLaVache Tue 06-Jun-17 10:23:39

ExplodedCloud grin grin

CiliatedEpithelium Tue 06-Jun-17 10:24:58

Sadly, having recently received a wedding invitation along similar lines, I am confident this is not made up, whether we get to see a shot of the original invite or not. I despair at the entitlement of these types. Less is more.

olderthanyouthink Tue 06-Jun-17 10:25:29

Please reply with either a meme or a gif.

EdmundCleverClogs Tue 06-Jun-17 10:31:50

I agree with olderthanyouthink, just reply with a meme grin. Already have one for you.

rightwhine Tue 06-Jun-17 10:37:49

ciliated

You can't leave us hanging like that. Come on, spill the beans.

ItsNachoCheese Tue 06-Jun-17 10:38:57

Tell them your going to sort travel etc then bugger off to disney instead grin

gladisgood Tue 06-Jun-17 10:39:09

I'm still snorting at No Proofy, no troophy grin

Dearest, dearest friends, We're incredibly flattered that you feel you know us well enough to ask us to pay for your wedding - that honour is usually reserved for the bride's parents. We're going to have to decline as we feel you have been too generous, and it is too much for us to accept.

hownowbrowngoat Tue 06-Jun-17 10:42:34

If you don't go to the wedding are you likely to see them again?

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle Tue 06-Jun-17 10:43:45

I love glitters!

OrlandaFuriosa Tue 06-Jun-17 10:43:50

Mr and Mrs FuckyDuck
Thank
The soon to be Mr and Mrs ShowoffWealth
For their kind invitation
And regret that they are unable to attend
Because with that money they could
Pay down the mortgage, buy a new car, mend the roof
Give their parents a family holiday
Or purchase 100 goats for Oxfam.

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