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To think parenting isn't a joke?

(71 Posts)
Dontgiveaflyingfuck Sat 03-Jun-17 22:10:23

Last week a friend sent me a link to an article about the mental load and it made me think. I'd never really sat and thought about how much parenting DH does and decided that as we were away on holiday for a week and parenting should be 50/50 it would be a good chance to tally up the actual split. DH barely lifted a finger all fucking week even refusing to shower dd3 (aged 2) in the mens showers which meant i had three children to shower and dress (camping on a beach) every night in a tiny cubicle. He didn't change one nappy in the whole week or dress a child or pack a day bag. He did cook one meal - a barbecue - but even then made his food first so the children were starving.

On the way home today i asked dh to change dd3s nappy. Poor mite has a bug and i'd dealt with four lots of vomit by this point and just had enough of bodly fluids. He asked why he had to do which made my blood boil but i calmly pointed out he hadn"t changed a nappy all week. He replyed "oh damn you noticed, i thought i'd got away with it". I got cross, he said it was a joke and is now cross i am cross. AIBU to think this isn't funny?

RebornSlippy Sat 03-Jun-17 22:12:12

Well, I wouldn't be laughing if I were you. Useless prick.

00100001 Sat 03-Jun-17 22:13:53


WhimsicalWinnifred Sat 03-Jun-17 22:14:43


Think he's just made a joke to get out of trouble as he knew he was wrong.

Depending on household roles and if you want him to help more, talk to him.

TheSparrowhawk Sat 03-Jun-17 22:15:26

He sounds like a waste of space.

finnthepink Sat 03-Jun-17 22:15:32

Hardly a funny joke.

He sounds like a dickhead, sorry OP.

Pollydonia Sat 03-Jun-17 22:15:58

I'd be telling him to step up or fuck off. Hope your DD is better soon flowers

CrispyBathTowel Sat 03-Jun-17 22:16:31

That sounds awful OP. He really needs to up his game and be a proper parent. Has he always been selfish? To sort your own food out before feeding your hungry children is just shock

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 03-Jun-17 22:16:39

OP shouldn't want him "to help", she should want him to do his part. On holidays that's 50%. He sounds like a selfish prick.

SaltySalt Sat 03-Jun-17 22:17:11

The food thing would have really pissed me off how selfish!

Oysterbabe Sat 03-Jun-17 22:17:44

Yes he's a dick but you're a mug for letting it happen.

MarcelineTheVampire Sat 03-Jun-17 22:18:35

Urgh, men like this annoy the hell out of me- my DP would never behave like this and it certainly isn't funny, OP you need to be having serious words.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 03-Jun-17 22:18:51

If he didn't lift a finger that's because you allow him to get away with this sort of thing. Honestly why not discuss what he needs to do to contribute and tell him if he doesn't start you may as well be a single parent as you do everything anyway.

You'd probably be better off financially too so tell him your motivation to remain as you are is shrinking by the day.

I couldn't get past when you said he prepared his own food first - absolute selfish waste of space tosser!

crazycatgal Sat 03-Jun-17 22:18:57

He sounds like a complete waste of space. Don't let him get away with doing fuck all.

bunnylove99 Sat 03-Jun-17 22:19:14

Yanbu. He does sound like a particularly lazy specimen. Sounds like he has the 'I am on my holiday so i will do nothing' mentality. I feel for you OP!

TiredMumToTwo Sat 03-Jun-17 22:19:39

Yes step up or fuck off!

ZoeyPs Sat 03-Jun-17 22:20:04

Not funny

museumum Sat 03-Jun-17 22:22:15

That's not the mental load, that's the whole load he's avoiding.
Did her seriously skier alone while you showered 3 children?!?!?
That's genuinely shocking! How did you get into this state? Put your foot down now!

cheesydoesit Sat 03-Jun-17 22:22:30

How does he get away with it? To feed yourself before your hungry child is abnormal. Reading your OP makes ME want to LTB and I don't even know him!

SweetLuck Sat 03-Jun-17 22:25:20

He sounds like a cunt.

PolarBearGoingSomewhere Sat 03-Jun-17 22:26:12

Yeah, definitely not funny. I read the comic about mental load too and felt a lot of it applied to me as a SAHM. That said, DH does every nappy when we're away and at weekends - he does have different standards than I do with housework but fuck me what is the point of a partner who isn't in partnership?

PickAChew Sat 03-Jun-17 22:27:30

Definitely not funny. Dickhead.

I hope that in amongst running around like a blue arsed fly after the kids you are doing absolutely nothing to make his life any easier.

Pigface1 Sat 03-Jun-17 22:33:04

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

He wasn't joking.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 03-Jun-17 22:41:28

Why do you bother keeping him?

PoorYorick Sat 03-Jun-17 22:41:33

What does he actually contribute to your life? Or your kids'?

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